Furthermore, having been present on the evening concerned, the Earl could quite easily see how all this had come about. However he couldn't stand back now, and see both his own good name and his daughter's tarnished by the Duke's seemingly inappropriate behaviour. It was, to put it bluntly, totally inexcusable! Also a matter of some surprise, that a titled gentleman like himself should have clearly become smitten with a mere ladies' companion. Although he did of course understand how this had happened, given that Miss Barlow was a great beauty. He also appreciated Edward's attempts at rectifying his mistake after the reading. When he had returned to Lucy's side, and focused his entire attention on her which had been admirable. The Earl smiled lasciviously then, and tried to make light of theseriousness of what had occurred. Repeating that between the two of them, he could certainly understand the attraction of a beautiful woman like Miss Barlow.
Whilst Howard’s final comment had the opposite effect to the one desired by him, in that Edward soon felt the heat of jealousy coursing through him, which he tried his best to ignore. It wouldn’t do any good to respond in the way he wished to. Namely, that it was highly improper for a married gentleman like the Earl of Duxbury to show such an interest in Miss Barlow. Had Edward been a violent man who believed that it would solve his current dilemma, his inclination might well have been to challenge the Earl to a duel. Although this was a matter of honour, he also wasn't entirely certain that he had any right to pursue it. Only from the point of view that his mother's companion was in his employment, so protection. He could however imagine the gossip about him defending a servant's virtue. Especially since fighting a duel involved a risk to life and limb, but he could tell from the look on Howard's face that he would have to do something. It wouldn’t be possible to delay making a decision any longer, regarding whether or not he was prepared to marry Lucy.
In desperation and just to see an end to the matter, it did cross Edward's mind to make a proposal immediately, but his heart held him back. He simply couldn't do it. Marrying Lucy would be wrong when he was in love with Sophia. It was also unlikely that there would be a good enough reason to withdraw the proposal later, so he would be trapped. To do it then would cause more of a scandal and difficult situation than he was already in.
Moreover he also still wasn't entirely convinced that his mother would accept Lucy as her daughter-in-law, or the fact that she would be related by marriage to Lady Amelia, both of whom she clearly despised. Not only that, but he would be obliged to terminate Sophia's employment, since this would be expected probably also by Lucy. Whilst if he did make a proposal to Sophia, his earlier thoughts on the outcome of this remained the same. It would be done for love but, unlike the Duchess, he wasn't entirely convinced that he would be able to protect her from the unpleasantness of being shunned by some of the other ladies.Including Lucy, and her mother, he anticipated. Nonetheless his heart reminded him again, that this was what he really wanted to do.
Apart from the birds singing and the sound of the river flowing across the rocks, neither the Earl nor the Duke had spoken again. Until Howard decided that he had to break the silence. Ultimately, he wasn't in any position to press Edward any further than he had done, and risk completely losing the marriage proposal. Seeing the indecision in his eyes, he reluctantly said that he would give Edward three more days. Although he didn't of course reveal it, this was the deadline he had to pay his creditor. Leaving him in the awkward position of having to ask his future son-in-law for a loan immediately after he had consented to his marriage to Lucy. Meanwhile, he would have to speak more sternly to his wife, impressing upon her the need to ensure that Lucy did everything in her power to capture the Duke's heart. Instructing her in the art of using as many of her womanly wiles as possible, to gain a proposal naturally from him. This would strengthen the bond between Edward and her, putting Miss Barlow well and truly out of the running. It would also encourage the likelihood of the Duke agreeing more easily to pay off her father’s debts, and prevent another scandal occurring in which he had unwittingly become involved.
Having reached an agreement of sorts, the two gentlemen finished their ride and Edward returned to Carlfield house to spend the rest of the day in his study. Although it had to be said that he didn't get a lot of work done, since his thoughts remained focused on whom he should marry. After changing for dinner, he joined Lady Cynthia and Sophia in the ballroom that evening.
The Duke's heart immediately began to race when he saw Sophia, and their eyes met. She looked even more beautiful in the pure white gown she had worn to be presented to the Queen, which he hadn't seen before. He couldn't fail to notice that it had attracted a number of envious glances from the ladies, and looks of admiration from certain gentlemen. Candlelight twinkled in the large mirrors on the walls. Making the ballroom appear as if it wasinside a myriad of stars, as the dancers twirled across the centre of it.
However, much to his dismay, he also couldn't fail to notice the sadness in Sophia's smile. He wished that he could talk to her about what had been happening between them without it being spoken of, but he knew that he couldn't. Some topics of conversation really were forbidden. Even if this was because they were simply too difficult to be mentioned. Asking her what was wrong would be crossing that invisible line, and pointless, since he already knew. He could see the love which was also in her eyes.
Edward tore himself away from gazing at her when the Earl and Countess of Duxbury, accompanied by Lady Lucy, approached them. Causing Sophia to move and stand behind the Duchess, much to Lady Cynthia's and his annoyance. Whilst the Duke felt as if he was left without any choice, other than to politely request one of Lady Lucy's dance sets. Since this would be expected. He couldn't help but notice that she seemed to be more forthright than usual. Even though they had only been in each other's company for a couple of minutes she had already apologised for touching his hand accidentally. When Edward was certain that this had been contrived, especially when she did it a second time, and Lucy's fingers lingered on his hand. He tried not to recoil from her touch to offend her, but found it difficult not to. Especially when they were in such close proximity on the dance floor a short while later, twirling around the ballroom.
Edward caught a glimpse of sadness on Sophia's face. She was still standing discreetly behind his mother whilst the latter was engrossed in conversation with Lady Barton, another one of her friends. He couldn't bear it. Sophia was standing by herself, no doubt feeling hurt and very much alone. Looking back at Lucy, Edward realised that he would never be able to love her. His heart belonged to Sophia. ...It always would.
Chapter26
Sophia was still thinking about the letter which she had received from Hannah, wondering if there was anything at all she could do about the situation, when she was approached by Edward. After he had finished dancing with Lucy, and returned her to her mother. Sophia's heart missed a beat under the intensity of his gaze. Making her feel as if she ought to run from him, but knowing equally that this was the very last thing she wanted to do. Nevertheless it still came as a complete surprise when he bowed, and asked if he might have the honour of sharing the next dance set with her.
Sophia took a deep breath, before she found the courage to tell him that in the circumstances she didn’t think dancing together would be entirely appropriate.
Edward frowned. He was taken aback, not expecting her refusal. Although he was of course able to understand her reluctance on the one hand, he couldn't bear the thought of allowing her to seemingly end what had started between them. So he reminded her in as dignified a manner as he could, that the eyes of the majority of the guests would be on them. If he had to walk away because she had obviously refused his offer, it would be duly noted by those dreadful people whose way of life was to dwell on such things. Adding in frustration that it was generally considered to be the height of poor manners to decline the host’s request. Surely her refusal would cause as much gossip, possibly even more, than if she simply took his hand now which he was still offering to her!
The Duke hesitated, before he smiled sadly at her. Unable to hide the truth of his own feelings, his eyes softened as he continued to gaze into hers which she didn't fail to see. Before he told her that he simply wished to dance with her, and couldn't see why it should be wrong. Although Sophia was left with no choice other than to apologise and graciously accept his hand by placing her own inside it, from the tender way she looked at him Ned knew that she wished to be in his arms again.
She totally ignored the looks of disdain cast in her direction which she already knew would be forthcoming, as Edward led her onto the dance floor. None of which stopped her from feeling a pleasurable sensation travel down the length of her spine when he put his hand on her lower back. It was gently done, but with a firmness that she believed indicated she would be safe from harm in his strong arms. As he twirled her expertly around the ballroom, never once missing a step or treading on her toes as some of the other gentlemen had done when she was a debutante. Sophia’s thoughts were filled with how this would only add to the scandal which she believed had already begun. Based on Ned's and her impropriety at the poetry recital, and that neither of them seemed capable now of stopping it from happening. The attraction between them was too strong for that. She sighed inwardly. Trying to savour every precious moment of his proximity whilst her heart was screaming at her that she was a fool. This had to end. Now! Whether she wished it to or not. It was simply what happened in situations like Ned, and hers.
Sensing the tension within her as he held her, and anticipating that her feelings would more than likely mirror his own, Ned became determined to put her more at ease so he began to talk about books and literature. So far as their dance steps permitted it. Considering this to be a safe enough topic of conversation, and one which was dear to both their hearts. It also of course meant that he had to bend his head lower to her face, so that she could hear what he said. Creating an even greater closeness between them, and a more intimate image for those who were scrutinising every scandalous detail. Resulting in some very quick flapping of fans indeed.
Sophia soon learned that Edward also had a passion for reading, which came as a surprise since he hadn't mentioned it before and she couldn't recall seeing him with a book in his hand. It transpired that he really did enjoy poetry, and admitted that he liked to read before he fell asleep at night. Delighting Sophia that she was the recipient of such an intimate detail, and leaving him wondering as soon as he had said it if he should have gone so far asto tell her this. Causing his grip on her hand to tighten a little, making the revelation even more exciting.
Furthermore not only did Ned have a library at his house in Yorkshire, but kept a smaller one at the townhouse in London. He was in the habit of visiting the booksellers there to buy the latest publications, which he would usually have sent on to Carlfield since this was where he spent the most time. He told Sophia then that this was a topic they must discuss more at length, and that he was looking forward to hearing what she liked to read. Knowing already from Lady Cynthia that Sophia had visited the circulating library in London whenever she could, to borrow books. Something which he hadn't so far had the time to do but finding it easier to visit the booksellers near his favourite club. Without telling Sophia, this had always been to his mother's regret. Feeling certain before he knew her companion, that there was every chance he would meet the right young lady for him among the bookshelves. Since the circulating library wasn't only a place to borrow books, but somewhere to be seen during the season, and meet the right people which she wasn't entirely certain Ned was aware of.
He also said with a twinkle in his eye that he was looking forward to hearing a lot more of Sophia's verse, and as he believed that works of art should be shared with others. Pleased to see the look of alarm which crossed her face initially change to relief, then delight. Remarking to himself that the adage was true: Our eyes really were the windows of the soul.
Needless to say when their dance set came to an end all eyes in the ballroom were still on them. Although no one heard Ned whisper to her how enchanting he thought she looked, before he released her hand. Sophia sensed his frustration that he was obliged to leave her, which matched her own. Only noticing then that Lucy and her parents were glaring at them across the ballroom. Ned bowed low, and she watched him depart, possibly for a moment too long.
Just when Sophia felt that she couldn't bear the situation any longer and that Ned had gone again, Lady Cynthia appeared at her side and made the matter worse by remarking on how lovelyshe had looked twirling across the dance floor with him. Causing Sophia to feel even more confused than ever about everything. It was as if Lady Cynthia wished her association with the Duke to continue, irrespective of the gossip it was clearly causing. Nevertheless Sophia smiled gratefully at her. The Duchess had nothing but kindness in her heart. "Is there anything you need or I can do, your ladyship," she said, quickly trying to restore herself to the position of companion where she believed she belonged.
The Duchess touched her arm gently, as a gesture of support. Secretly thrilled that her meddling had resulted in this. "No, thank you, my dear. It was enough for me to see Ned and you dancing, and enjoying each other's company. I hope to have the opportunity of seeing it many more times," she said, trying to hide her excitement as she looked pointedly at Sophia. So that she was left in no doubt whatsoever that if her relationship with the Duke did develop into a romance, they would have his mother's support and blessing.
Not knowing what to make of this revelation which was completely unexpected, the rest of the evening passed in a blur. Whilst she tried not to lose sight of Ned, and at the same time, stop her eyes from searching for him. As a result, feeling completely exhausted, Sophia couldn't help feeling relieved when she was able to retire to the privacy of her bedchamber to be alone again with her thoughts.
Chapter 27
Sophia woke up with a start. It was even earlier than usual, just before dawn, and she had been in the middle of a nightmare. Ned had told her to leave Carlfield house immediately. He had discovered her true identity, and was very angry that she had dared to be so deceitful, also that his mother would now be hurt. She was standing on the path outside the front door which Jenkins had slammed, after throwing her bag onto the path. Jimmy was for some reason laughing, and dancing a jig around her when she opened her eyes.
She knew that it couldn't be true, as soon as the memory of dancing with the Duke last night came back to her. How Ned had talked to her as if he was genuinely interested in her opinion on books, and most importantly, would value it. A tear slid down her cheek when she realised that this had reminded her of her conversations with Owen, and how she might not see him again. He was going to borrow Mary Shelley's Frankenstein for her from the circulating library, before Lucas told her she was to be married. What on earth was she going to do? At this rate she could end up losing everyone she loved. Hannah and Owen had already gone. They couldn't even write to each other. Whilst Edward and Lady Cynthia probably wouldn't be prepared to see her again when they did find out what she had done.
After receiving Hannah's letter and thinking constantly about the dilemma she was in, Sophia had by this time convinced herself that all of this was true. How could it not be? She was even dreaming about it happening. Someone would eventually recognise her, she was certain of it. Even though Ned had feelings for her, which would ordinarily have been wonderful, how would he feel if he was to discover that she was actually betrothed to the vile Lord Dilley? He would assume that a courtship had taken place between them, even worse with her consent. The whole situation was impossible, and as the sun broke through the sky Sophia decided to go for a walk. Hoping that the fresh air would help calm her thoughts, and the headache which was threatening to begin.
Wrapping a shawl around her shoulders, she made her way downstairs then outside through the kitchen door. She reached the rose garden without realising she had walked there. Her thoughts were still in turmoil. The shawl had reminded her of Lady Cynthia’s kindness, even when she barely knew her, during the carriage ride from London. Whereas now it was as if she had intended for Sophia to become part of the Carlisle family all along. She began to sob when she thought of how badly she had treated her in return. Especially since it was as if the Duchess had become like a mother to her.
Sophia was startled by the sound of footsteps approaching the rose garden. Realising how foolish she had been in wandering about the grounds of the house on her own, at such an early hour. She felt afraid, not knowing who else might be there. Imagining it could be an intruder, she looked quickly around to find a hiding place but there wasn't anywhere. When she saw Edward approaching her she sighed in relief, as she quickly dried her eyes and tried to calm her heart. Feeling embarrassed then that he had discovered her in such a state.
