Sophia glanced at Edward who was still smiling warmly at her, and realised that whatever her feelings on the matter might be she couldn't refuse. As a result Cynthia was delighted when Sophia said that she would be honoured to do a short reading.
Shortly afterwards Jenkins announced that dinner was being served. The Duke took his mother's arm, as she chattered excitedlyabout the charity event. Sophia resumed her usual place, and followed them into the dining room feeling relieved when it was eventually time for her to retire to her bedchamber. However after accompanying Lady Cynthia to hers, and saying goodnight, she met the Duke unexpectedly in the hall outside. Making her apologies for almost colliding with him as she left the Duchess' room, he smiled charmingly and asked her if he might have a quiet word with her before she retired. Completely ignoring the fact that they were alone in the hall.
Unable to refuse even if she had wished to, and with her heart beating loudly, Sophia waited for Edward to reveal his reason for wishing to speak to her. Anxious that it might not be good news. Surely Lucas hadn't discovered her whereabouts, or was the Duke possibly going to terminate her employment? Sophia's thoughts on what she might have done wrong were however soon interrupted by him.
"Please don't be alarmed. I wished to thank you, Sophia, for the care you have shown to my mother. I hope that you have settled in well at Carlfield. If you need anything, or I can help you in any way, please come to me. I know how much the Duchess values you being here," he said, hesitating. He wished very much to add that, despite his earlier reservations, he felt the same but thought this might be a step too far at this early stage in her employment.
"I regret that my mother sometimes talks endlessly on a single topic," he said, uncomfortably. When he recalled the family history Cynthia had spoken a length about in the carriage, and reminiscences of his childhood. "I have also noticed that age makes her forgetful at times, and it's a considerable reassurance to me that you are with her. Especially when you are walking in the grounds or have left the estate" He paused again, trying to find the most appropriate words. "I beg your pardon for my inelegance, but should you deem it necessary to inform me of any matter concerning her health, I would be most grateful if you would not hesitate to do so,because I shall be very grateful to hear it. I have seen your gentleness with her, which is something I am not able to show her in quite the same way." He finished the sentence in arush. Noticing how uncomfortable Sophia looked, despite giving him her full attention.
"Thank you for your confidence in me, your Lordship. Although I am still learning my duties as a ladies' companion, I greatly value my position here, and being able to spend so much time with Lady Cynthia. I admire the Duchess enormously, and feel nothing but affection for her," she said, remembering at the last minute not to call him Ned. Even though she very much wished to. Adding that although Lady Cynthia usually appeared to be in good health, she was concerned earlier by how exhausted she had been after today's tea party. Making it her turn to hesitate. As she wondered how much she ought to tell him, but actually finding it a relief to be able to share her fears about Cynthia staring at the wall earlier, which had seemed most odd to her.
Edward immediately looked concerned, and told her that this was what he had been worried about. It had been a huge shock for his mother when Ruth left suddenly, followed by the journey back to Yorkshire which wasn't very comfortable despite them being in his carriage, and a social event immediately after they arrived at the house. With more to follow. "Thank you for telling me. I will speak to her, without repeating what you have said," he hastened to add.
"I had noticed that she was becoming a little confused at times, and I wished to keep an eye on the situation. Although I equally didn't want to alarm you," he said, unable to stop himself from gazing into her eyes. On this occasion he was referring to his belief that Cynthia confused Sophia from time to time with the daughter she never had. Alternatively the other possibility was that she had of course been doing her best to matchmake. Both of which would have been improper, so not for him to reveal.
"I want you to be very happy here," Edward said, earnestly. Since he couldn't bear the thought now of Sophia leaving Carlfield house. ...Or him!
Chapter 20
Sophia tossed and turned throughout the night unable to sleep, and possibly not surprisingly, awoke the following morning still thinking about Edward. How he had looked into her eyes as he expressed his gratitude, and ardent admiration, for the way she cared about Lady Cynthia. However Sophia's confusion about the romance poem also remained until she told herself quite sternly that she must put all thoughts about it, and especially Ned, out of her mind. It was only making her feel more confused than she already was, and didn't solve anything. Nothing had changed. Apart from the Duke showing concern for his mother who was growing older, and appreciation that she was trying her best to be a good companion. As for the romance poem, there was nothing she could do about it now, and today was a new day, a fresh start.
Sophia looked around her bedchamber, with her head still on the pillows, trying to wake up completely. It was after dawn. She could see the sunlight coming through the gap on the edge of the curtains, and she settled comfortably again into the soft bed, sighing contentedly. She would have time to go to the garden before breakfast. This was the beginning of her new life. Admittedly she still had a lot to learn, but she was realising how much she loved being here. It was so different to what she had been used to.
Carlfield house was a joy to explore. She had found something new to wonder about whenever it was raining, and couldn't go outside in her free time, of which she seemed to have quite a lot. Especially when Lady Cynthia wished to be on her own, or was otherwise occupied giving Sophia what she had wished for. Plenty of time to concentrate on her own reading, and writing, which she still sometimes couldn't believe was happening. Even exploring the house, and how she now felt, had given her more to write about. So much so that her journal was almost full, and she would have to ask Effie how to go about getting a new one.
She also now enjoyed helping the Duchess reply to the considerable amount of correspondence she received, since shesaid that her eyesight was no longer as it had been when she was younger. Sophia was fascinated by the sheer number of people Lady Cynthia knew, from all walks of life. Making this task far from laborious, but very interesting.
She had been unable to decide what she liked best about the house. There were too many beautiful things to choose from although she had spent quite a long time staring at the Elizabethan four poster bed. Adorned with red silk from the Orient it looked magnificent, and fit for a Queen. Sophia intended to ask the Duchess, when the right moment presented itself, if Queen Elizabeth 1st had really slept in it, as one of the servants had told her. Portraits of Edward’s ancestors hung on either side of the grand staircase in the hall, and throughout the house. These were magnificent too. The Duchess had also said that the marble used on some of the fireplaces had come from Italy on a ship and Sophia adored the glass chandeliers. The way the candle light sparkled when its reflection caught in the glass looked stunning. Carlfield was by far the most beautiful house she had seen, or visited as a debutante. Without wishing to be disloyal to her best friend or her parents, even Hannah’s stately home.
The Carlisle family had lived here for generations. Edward's coat of arms was hanging above the front door of the house. They were old too, made of oak and very heavy and she had marvelled at Jenkins' strength and ability to open and close them. Similarly the footmen although she made sure not to stop, and stare at any of them. Most of all Jimmy, who still smiled and winked at her whenever he thought no one else was looking. She didn't like to use the front door unless Lady Cynthia was with her, and had become used to leaving the house at the back. It didn't feel quite as intimidating now that she had learned some of the servants' names, with Effie's help, and they greeted her kindly. Although unknown to Sophia there had also been some discreet whispering below stairs about the Duke's obvious attraction to Lady Cynthia's new companion, but none of it was maliciously done. The Duke and his mother were held in high regard by everyone at the house, and on the estate.
Nevertheless Sophia appreciated that being able to walk through those beautiful doors into such a grand house was a privilege, and one which made her feel like a lady. Instead of the servant she had become. She had been thinking about this a lot. It seemed as if her position in society was actually somewhere in between. As a ladies' companion her status seemed to be mostly parallel with Jenkins and Mrs Pender, the housekeeper, who treated her with the utmost respect. Yet she felt at times like one of Edward and Lady Cynthia's family members, or possibly an esteemed visitor, because of the kindness and consideration they showed her. Although this might be alarming on occasions, it was incredibly wonderful, she thought. Hugging her pillow once again.
What a change from how Lucas had expected Owen and her to live. Having a house like this to compare it to, along with how she spent her days now, she could see how mean and miserable he had been in his treatment of them. She appreciated that he certainly wasn't as rich as the Duke of Carlfield, but according to Owen whom she trusted implicitly, Papa had left them well provided for. She certainly didn't doubt that! Sophia shivered, remembering how cold she had sometimes been without the benefit of a fire, and how often she fetched her own tea and hot water from the kitchen and scullery. She frowned. How could she have called herself a debutante when that was the case? Whilst not having the gowns and accessories she needed to dress properly made all of it a sham. Even a disgrace, especially after being presented to Queen Charlotte. All because Lucas either wanted to save money, or make a lot more! The greater tragedy was that she had gone along with it. Not knowing any better and imagining it to be some sort of game, or one of the adventures she had read about.
Exploring Carlfield house had been a true adventure. She had so much now to tell Hannah. She was starting to worry about not hearing from her. Unsure what Lucas might have done to prevent her from writing, but that had to be absolute foolishness! What could he have done? Her more immediate concern should be Owen, and to a lesser extent, Amy. Both of whom were still subject to her elder brother's control. Sophia sighed. She was very fortunate now, to be safe under the Duke's protection at Carlfield.
Life had become a lot more exciting too, it had to be said, being often in Ned's company. Although he was preoccupied with running the estate, she often saw him in the distance with Tindle, his land agent. He also didn’t neglect Lady Cynthia so was usually present to dine with her at least once a day, when Sophia would usually be there. Their eyes had grown accustomed to meeting. Even though neither of them was in a position to express his or her true feelings, it was still wonderful and telling herself to stop thinking about him was proving to be impossible.
Sophia looked around her bedchamber again, realising with a start that she thought of it now as her own, and Carlfield house as home. It was so light, and airy in the bedchamber, and full of flowers which she guessed Jimmy had something to do with. Making her blush at the mere thought of it, but her assumption was correct. He always picked the best blooms for her when the head gardener's back was turned, and he got the opportunity after he had overheard her telling Effie one day how much she loved flowers. However what Sophia also didn't know was that it was Cynthia who was at the heart of it all. Asking the head gardener to include her bedchamber on the list of rooms which would require flowers to be sent up to them. Once she had seen Sophia's pleasure at being outside in the rose garden.
Unable to settle her emotions and anticipation for the day ahead, Sophia decided to get up and go for a walk. Feeling that the fresh air might give her a better perspective on her conversation with Ned last night. It was a beautiful morning, the birds were singing, and she was looking forward to seeing the roses again. Effie was by now used to knocking on her door, only to find her gone, then returning later to remove the cup of tea which hadn't been drunk. As usual Sophia took her journal with her, and a short while later was seated on Edward's favourite bench in the rose garden, writing another poem.
On her way there she had tried her best to stop wishing Hannah was with her. She was desperate too for news of Owen, and Lucas. She couldn't write to her again until Hannah had replied to her first letter, and there was so much now that she wanted tosay. Instead, she poured her emotions into her new poem, becoming so immersed in writing it that she was startled when she realised how long she had been sitting there. Gathering her belongings together as quickly as she could, and feeling quite flustered, she hurried back to the house.
Meanwhile Edward was making his way to the breakfast room, deep in thought about Lucy, and Howard’s proposal that he should marry her. He was frowning to himself. Just as he turned the corner in the hall, someone unexpectedly collided with him. He automatically raised his hands and arms, which somehow found their way around Sophia, whose own hands had become pressed against his chest.
Both of them found the experience a pleasant one, once they knew who the other person was. So they were slow to remove their offending hands and arms, then step away from each other. Edward felt his heart miss a beat when he realised how right it had felt. Having Sophia so close to him. Whilst she blushed, and with a shy smile, apologised profusely for bumping into him unable to ignore the fact that she had been held by the man she loved.
In reality both of them would have been thrilled for this tender moment to have continued indefinitely, but propriety dictated that they move apart quickly once they were able to. Nevertheless they both stared at each other afterwards for a moment too long. Neither of them was able to believe what had happened, or how it had made them feel. Something which, had they not been completely alone, would have been deemed scandalous.
Sophia had never before been held by a man other than Owen. Only briefly then when she had been distressed by something or another, and he had been trying to comfort her. Before that Papa, when she had been a child, but it was different this time. She had felt a sense of dangerous anticipation being so close to Ned, and a thrill which she didn't understand or could explain. Although she knew with certainty that he would never hurt her. It was obvious that both of them felt the excitement andsensation of being very much alive in each others' arms not wishing for it to end.
However Edward also didn’t fail to see the flicker of fear in her eyes. Reminding him of his concern that she hadn't revealed everything about herself at the interview, which he had recently overlooked because of her obvious good character and personality during the time he had known her. He immediately gave her a warm smile, to reassure her as he told her lightly that all was forgiven, and no harm had been done. He couldn’t fail to see the look of relief on her face when he said this, which alarmed him again. As he knew for certain then that she was afraid of something, which shouldn't be the case when she was under his protection in his household. He wished he knew what was troubling her, and longed for the day that she would feel able to tell him. So he asked her if she was well. Before reminding her that if anything was worrying her he hoped she would come to him.
Before she had the opportunity to reply Cynthia appeared in the passageway, and said good morning to them both. Sophia apologised immediately for not going to her room, also not being as well turned out as she should be. She explained that she had been in the garden writing, so didn't realise the time until it was too late to go upstairs. Adding guiltily that this wasn't a good enough excuse.
Cynthia smiled at them both, ignoring Sophia's apology, and remarked on her perfect timing at meeting them both outside the breakfast room. They could now all go in together, she said brightly.
