At that precise moment Sophia wished Hannah and Owen were with her. She missed them both dearly, and had started to be afraid that she would never see them again. This train of thought was however interrupted by Lady Cynthia who appeared to have only just realised that she had been staring at the wall, and was asking Sophia if she would read to her. Sophia was relieved to see the colour returning to her ladyship's cheeks, so she suggested reading from the work of one of her favourite poets. Much to her surprise the Duchess declined, and said that she wished to hear something which Sophia had written. She would also prefer to remain where she was on the settee, at least for the time being. Leaving her companion with no choice other than to comply with her employer's request.
Somewhat reluctantly she picked up her journal, which was next to her on the floor where she was still kneeling, and stood up to take a seat in the chair opposite Lady Cynthia. Flicking anxiously through the pages, without seeing the individual poems she had written, she couldn't believe that any of them would be good enough to be heard by the Duchess. Until she eventually decided to read one of her nature poems, which Cynthia went on to compliment profusely.
However it wasn't what the Duchess had really wanted to hear. It was perfectly acceptable, and nice in its own way. With its talk of trees, the river, and clouds. Her aim in asking Sophia to read one of her own poems had actually been to get her to reveal her passion again, which she had seen sparked in the carriage when she had talked about her work. The words which came from her heart and soul, and she believed could also ignite the fire of love within Ned. She didn't want what had happened earlier to deter her in any way. As far as she was concerned she still wished for Sophia to become her daughter-in-law.
When the Duchess asked if she had another verse she could read which was about love, the romantic poem she had written in her bedchamber as the moonlight had been streaming through the window and she couldn't stop thinking of Ned, was on the next page of her journal. She did like it she supposed, and although she hadn't intended to share it with anyone else, it was only Lady Cynthia. She didn't need to know why she had written it, the words would never reach Ned's ears, and so she began to read:
"Capturing her heart in a swoon,
While the stars twinkled high above
The luminescence of the moon,
A Lord and Lady fell in love.
Unable to resist their hearts' desire
On such a beautiful night,
Or the light of the celestial fire,
It was true love at first sight.
Their kiss, warm and tender,
Fate allowed them to see
What neither could fail to remember,
Or know without doubt, couldn't be."
Sophia's voice, which had been hesitant at first until she became engrossed in the words, tapered off quickly and regained its uncertainty. When she realised with a start that Ned had walked quietly into the room. Having been drawn to her by the softness in her voice.
Whilst all she could feel was embarrassment, and shame that she had been so brazen as to voice her thoughts in a poem she wasn't in the least surprised by the way he was staring at her, since she had bared her soul to him. Not understanding the impact of her words, or that they had touched the tenderest of places deep within him. Something which no other woman had done before, not even Felicity.
The Earl had finally left, and Edward had been making his way to his study when he heard Sophia's voice. He was captivated immediately, listening to her reading earnestly to his mother. Cynthia looked up at him, and smiled contentedly. Sophia had clearly written from the heart what she was now reading aloud. As she also wanted him to listen to it, she motioned for him to be quiet. He nodded, and sat down on the nearest chair. As soon as she had finished reading, Cynthia erupted into loud applause. Clapping her hands in delight, also because Ned couldn't have timed his entrance any better, and had heard all of Sophia's romantic verse which was wonderful.
When he also joined in the applause Sophia looked in his direction, and seemingly noticed his presence for the first time. Her cheeks flushed deep crimson. Whilst it was obvious from her face that she was in a state of embarrassment she muttered an apology then for not having a title to the poem.
Edward politely asked the name of the poet who had written such a delightful verse. It reminded him of Lord Byron's love poems. Making her blush even more that he should have placed it in such high regard. Even though he had guessed before he askedthat it had been her, and when she was hesitant to reply, he knew that he had been right.
Before Sophia had time to say anything else, Lady Cynthia who seemed to have fully recovered her composure, interrupted and quite cheerfully told Ned that she had indeed written the poem. Quite overwhelmed by the sentiments Sophia had expressed in the verse and her talk of love, he couldn't help wishing with all of his heart that she had written it about him. It took every ounce of concentration he could muster to think quickly, and say something else that was complimentary. At the same time remaining distanced from his feelings, and what he wished had been a reference to them.
Leaving Cynthia delighted that everything was still going according to plan, and she hadn't had any reason to doubt it earlier when she was staring at the wall in frustration. Or to become despondent that the reaction Sophia had received today from the other ladies might well have deterred her from continuing to be very much herself. A truly delightful, and charming, young woman who was quite capable of capturing Ned's heart.
Acknowledging that if the way he was looking at her now was the measure of it, she had already done so.
Chapter 19
Sophia still couldn't believe it when Edward said that he had enjoyed her poem. It made her feel wonderful, as if she could achieve anything from now on. Although a part of her also remained doubtful that he had really enjoyed it. Surely it was more likely to be the case that he was simply being polite? Not wishing to hurt her feelings, by giving her the criticism the verse deserved. She also couldn't help hoping that he hadn't heard all of it, but as it was only short that was unlikely. If only she hadn't included the first couple of lines about her heart being captured by a lord, but other parts of it were just as bad! She wasn't a lady anyway, so maybe Ned wouldn't realise the verse was about them.
These thoughts continued to twist and turn through her mind. Until none of it made any sense to her. The only thing of which she was certain was that she had fallen in love with Edward Carlisle. There wasn't any doubt about that! Irrespective of his social status, wealth, and whether or not he told the truth about her poetry. Whatever else might be going on, he would always be Ned. Although never her Ned, she thought sadly. Finding comfort however in the thought that he couldn't possibly know she had written the poem for him.
Feeling the intensity of his gaze still on her face, she was by then almost speechless. Until she managed somehow to compose herself, and politely thanked him, albeit with a small stutter in her voice. Showing the correct level of modesty, she remained adamant that he was being too kind. All the while wishing that she hadn’t chosen that particular poem, because of how romantic it was thus quite unsuitable for his, or any other gentleman's ears. But then how was she to know that he would suddenly appear? Sophia groaned inwardly. Why couldn't she ever seem to do anything right? Especially when it concerned someone she thought the world of, and the importance of both Lady Cynthia and the Duke liking her. If she left Carlfield house now she didn't have anywhere else to go. Only to possibly throw herself on Lucas' mercy, and hope that she could still marry Lord Dilley, a suitor who was nearly twice her age and completely vile. How could shepossibly do that when neither of them loved each other, and she had given her heart to Ned?
Maybe if Lady Cynthia or the Duke changed the topic of conversation she would begin to feel better, she thought in desperation, and it wasn't long before providence came to her assistance. It was a huge relief when the Duchess mentioned the charity dinner she would shortly be hosting at Carlfield house. It had become an annual event, along with the impromptu talent show which took place afterwards, and she assured Sophia was great fun. However she wished to do something different this year, she said then, with a twinkle in her eye and a huge smile. It was going to be a literary evening instead. She might have mentioned it during their carriage ride from London. She couldn't recall, as they had talked about such a lot. Lady Cynthia asked Sophia then if she would be so kind as to read her romance poem to the audience after dinner. Her words were truly wonderful, and meant to be shared.
Sophia thought at first that she must have misheard. When her employer continued to stare expectantly at her waiting for a reply, she felt dizzy and the room began to spin. The reality of standing at the front of a large room, filled with the ladies of the ton and their gentlemen, had caused her to panic. To make matters worse Ned was by now telling his mother that he thought it was a lovely idea. Quite forgetting his earlier reservations about exposing Sophia to something like this. When the ladies of the ton might not be impressed by someone whom they regarded as a servant, being given the privilege of entertaining them, and react badly to it. Even though the standard of Sophia's verse, along with what ought to have been an element of kindness on their part, more than justified her taking part in the readings.
