He was right behind me. My heart rate kicked up, and my breathing grew short. I could feel the swift panic picking up speed inside my chest.
“Tell me—”
“I don’t know!” I turned and faced him as I screamed. Tears fell remorselessly as I admitted the truest part of my soul out loud.
“I don’t know what I want…”
His expression softened. His voice was tender and full of remorse. He didn’t say anything for a moment. He just watched me, with tight lips, like he was disappointed I still didn’t see what he already knew.
“You do know, Syd.”
I held back a sob and stared into his eyes as they bounced between mine.
“You know exactly what you want. You’re on the wrong road, and you see all the signs, but you’re just… ignoring them.”
He let out a breath, and I held mine, waiting for his final blow. The one that would undoubtedly take me out.
He stepped back, just enough to break the heat between us. His voice was quieter—no longer angry or frustrated, just somber. True. Like mine never was.
“I hope it leads you somewhere good, Syd. I really do.”
He nodded, almost to himself. “But I can’t follow you down a road that’s killing you.”
I chewed on my lip as I tried to control my breathing, my tears. My fucking heart.
He took another step away from me… and then—the sound of a lock clicking sent our heads toward the door in a sudden jerk.
In the next second, the doorknob turned—and Jake walked in. Holding a bouquet of peonies. My favorite.
My eyes locked on Jake’s widened, confused glare as it bounced between me and E and back again.
He closed the door behind him slowly as he stepped into the room, guarded and unsure.
The silence that filled the space was heavy and sullen. A thick smoke was clinging around us, settling in our lungs, making it harder to speak the longer we stood there. Thankfully, I found my voice.
“Jake, this is—”
“Hey, man, I’m E.”
E interrupted my introduction as he stepped toward Jake and held out a hand. Jake’s eyes snapped to E’s hand and back up to meet his eyes before he reached out and took it, silent recognition sweeping across his face.
“Jake,” he said firmly as he let go. His eyes landed on me next, and the questions in them were everything I feared, mangled into one moment, crashing down on us in an intense wave of turmoil and distress.
“I’ll, uh… I’ll catch up with you later,” E said, barely looking at me. “It was nice to meet you, man.” He looked at Jake once more before making his way to the door.
Jake moved to the side as E passed, both their gazes downcast and away.
“Yeah, you too.”
Jake’s eyes followed E as he closed the door behind him. Then he turned to me in what could only be described as a look of complete and utter betrayal.
He waited for me to speak first, but I wouldn’t. I couldn’t. His thumb grazed his nose before he shoved his hands into his pockets.
“Want to tell me what that was about?” His voice was firm and burdened, like he already knew the answer to his question but wanted me to say it anyway. I knew the time to deliver the truth had come, whether I was ready for it or not. But instead of feeling bold enough to admit my horrible betrayals, I felt weak and frail. Jake’s unexpected presence had shaken me out of my courage to come clean. My body ached from the bitter weight of the confession that suddenly felt stolen from me.
“He was just in town.” It was as if the truth had been locked in my throat, the key tossed into the darkest depths of the ocean. I tried to sound confident in my ridiculous answer, but my voice was shaky. Worn down from the wound my heart had just endured with E, petrified of the agony it would now face with Jake.
“Yeah. On your birthday? That’s a coincidence.” He paused for a moment; his eyes painfully fixed on mine.
