“Hey, so… I didn’t want to tell you before because you were nervous about the flight, but…” he paused. My anxiety plummeted.
“But what, Jake?” I couldn’t hide my urgency.
“My uncle is having a barbecue this year in Connecticut. We’re going to leave in the morning and spend the night. I—I want you to come with me, but… I know you missed Ren. I don’t want you to feel pressured, but… my whole family’s going to be there—I kind of have to go.”
“Oh…” was all I could say. It was all I should have said, because anything else would have been selfish. And hadn’t I been selfish enough?
He must have read the unease in me because he immediately backpedaled. “You know what? Never mind, I don’t have to go. It’s fine. I can stay here.”
I didn’t want him to go. I didn’t want to be without him for even a second. He was the only thing that brought me any calm, and I didn’t think I could be without him. Not now, and especially not at my mother’s. But he wanted to go. He wanted to be with his family. And he deserved to be where he wanted to be, not forced to take care of the emotional mess I was.
“No, Jake. You should go. You have to go. It’s important to you. And you’ll have so much fun and get to be with all your cousins. I’m just sorry I can’t come. I already promised Ren…”
“No, I get it. I do, but—are you sure?”
I managed the best smile I could muster and said, “Absolutely.”
He smiled appreciatively and wrapped his arm around me as he kissed my temple. “I love you,” he said.
“I love you, too.”
We arrived at my childhood home, and I grabbed my bag and climbed out. Then, the only peace I had in my life rode off into the night. All I could think was how I wouldn’t get it back for two whole days.
The next morning, I woke up lonelier and more depressed than I’d felt in a long time. I told myself it was just the dark basement bedroom I was no longer used to, and that I missed Jake, and while both held some truth, deep down, I knew the real root.
However, thanks to my not-so-little sister, I had minimal time to dwell on my feelings. She hopped onto my bed with an exaggerated bounce, already dressed and smiling wide.
“Let’s go to brunch and drink mimosas until we pass out at the table.” Ren wagged her perfectly shaped eyebrows. “I have a fake ID.”
I laughed as I stretched and noted the time. It was nineA.M.
“That sounds like a fabulous idea.”
“Perfect!” Her big blue eyes lit up, and I thought how lucky she was to be the only one in our family with them. “There’s this great place my friends and I always go to. Actually, like,everyonegoes to. The food is great, and the waiters are hot. You’re gonna love it,” she said with her bright smile, and I was immediately grateful for the joy of having a sister.
Thirty minutes later, we were on the train en route to the Hoboken waterfront. She took me to The Lola, where she introduced me to the hostess and her bartender friend, Brayden, who I immediately suspected was much more than a friend. When their flirting leveled up, I took my cue and strolled to the bathroom.
It was a beautiful restaurant—one that screamed Ren, with its marble tabletops and ivy-covered walls. It was modern eclectic with a cool, trendy vibe and a picturesque view of the New York City skyline. Though every table was full, it didn’t feel overcrowded thanks to the indoor-outdoor feel the wall of windows provided. They slid fully open, letting in the perfect breeze as the restaurant spilled out onto the sidewalk, making the entire street its home. The music was just loud enough, and it fit the flow of the crowd well. It was easy to see why Ren and her friends frequented it.
We were seated at the white bar top in the last two navy-blue velvet chairs. It didn’t take long before we were cracking up about nothing at all. We probably looked ridiculous with our overt banter and loud cackles, but we didn’t mind. It was good to laugh with Ren. It was good to laugh at all. It felt like freedom and maybe even a little forgiveness, like for a moment, the weight tied to my soul was ready to let me breathe.
But it was short-lived. Because the moment after I took my next relief-filled breath, the shadow I’d been trying to outrun walked right through the door. My laughter died in my throat, and the air turned heavy as the universe snickered at me. It was a snide reminder:You don’t get to escape that easily.
He didn’t see me at first, and I prayed that his pregnant Emma wasn’t trailing behind him. I’d die on the spot if she were. The universe granted me that one small mercy—E was alone. And he looked even better than he had the last time I’d seen him.
He looked around the room like he was searching for something, and while I knew it wasn’t me, when his eyes landed on mine, it felt like it was. He smiled widely, as if our last conversation wasn’t me cursing him out on a Texas sidewalk. My heart tried to break free from the ice shield I’d covered it in. But I wouldn’t let it.
Ren caught the exchange and the sharp change in my posture. Her eyes filled with a plea of forgiveness, and her mouth twisted to the side.
“I did sayeveryonecomes here,” she said in an apologetic defense. She watched as he approached us and whispered, “Should I stay, or should I go?”
I turned to her. “Do not leave me alone.”
She nodded once and turned back to E just as he reached us.
“I thought Texas was keeping you captive, girl,” he said with a side smile, his eyes twinkling.
I shrugged, ignoring the flutters in my belly and warmth in my heart. “Not much to come back for anymore.” I smiled back, but it wasn’t warm like his.
