“What is it?” I asked, toying with it between my fingers.
“Open it,” he said, and his deep, confident voice sent a thrill through me. He leaned forward, his elbows on his knees, hands folded before him as he watched me pull apart the wrapping, unveiling Gwen Stefani’sSweet Escapealbum—the one I’d put back.
“Happy birthday,” he said with a grin, and a knot lodged in my throat. My vision blurred, and I fought off tears I couldn’t explain.
“Thank you,” I barely choked out. He shrugged as if it were nothing—as if he bought every girl he just met a gift on their birthday.
“No doubt,” he said with a wink, and I laughed at his terrible pun.
“Okay, that was lame,” he laughed with me, and I wiped at my nose. “But it made you laugh, so that makes it worth it.” He smiled again, and my heart skipped a beat in my chest when my eyes found his.
Enzo walked in then. “What’s so funny?”
We shook our heads and said it was nothing—just a stupid joke not worth repeating—and Enzo moved on like it never happened.
But somethingdidhappen. Something changed in that moment for me. It wasn’t big or loud like fireworks or booming symphonies. It was just… simple. That small act ofkindness, that tiny spread of love shifted something and rooted itself deep inside me.
It was the start of something I couldn’t name at the time. Something so real, you’re not sure if you can handle it. I felt the movement, but I couldn’t place it.
It took me years to realize it was becausethatwas the beginning of everything.
Track 3
“Magnetic”
-Earth, Wind & Fire, 1983
A FEW WEEKS later, school was out, which meant days at the beach and nights at the parties—if you were anyone but me.
If you were me, you would spend your sixteenth summer taking care of your cousin’s baby while she lived in your basement, trying to get back on her feet after ending up nineteen and pregnant, like your mom had.
I don’t mean to sound rude about it. I loved my cousin and her adorable baby girl, and I respected the way she was navigating the ripples of her choices. I just didn’t want to wake up at sixA.M.every morning and have a job until five every day. It was her mistake, not mine, and I couldn’t help but feel like I was being punished for it.
But that’s how my mom used us, or at least me. She’d offer my services in any way she could, like I was her own personal workhorse. Someone needed a bed to sleep in? Sydney has one. Someone needed clothes to wear? Take Sydney’s. Someone needed free childcare Monday through Friday for an entire summer? Guess who’s available.
What made it even worse was that I had to quit my job at the hair salon for the summer just to help, which was a major setback for my car savings.
In hindsight, it might have been a good thing I spent my afternoons walking a baby to the park instead of day drinking with my friends. Maybe that was my mom’s plan all along. But if she thought it would stop my evening endeavors, she was terribly, terribly wrong.
By nightfall, I was chasing chaos, and with my time restrictions, I went harder and faster just to catch up. Sometimes, without a care in the world about how I’d get home or what would happen if I didn’t.
We were at Enzo’s again. Lara, Kasey, E, and quite a few others had gotten there well before me. We were chasing Jack Daniel’s with Miller Lite, and the music was keeping us alive. Bodies moved like they belonged to the beat, and laughter sang louder than the lyrics.
Someone passed me a bottle, and I didn’t ask whose it was. I didn’t even look for who it came from. I just put it to my lips and tipped it back, letting the burn remind me I was still real, still young, still dumb enough to believe nights like this could last forever and never have a consequence.
E caught my eye from across the room, and in that moment, the crowd blurred. It was just him and me and the unspoken tension that had been brewing all month—thick,electric, and impossible to ignore.
It was wrong of me to feel that way, and I knew it. E was Enzo’s friend. I only knew E because of Enzo, and though Enzo and I weren’t a thing, we were involved enough for this infatuation of mine to resemble betrayal. At least enough for me to feel guilty about it.
I think E felt it, too. Whenever we’d get close enough to crossing that invisible line, he’d pull back, just like me. As if he knew we shouldn’t give in to what we both clearly wanted to. He was loyal to his friend, and so was I. Or at least, I was trying to be.
“Let’s play a game!” A chippy random girl piped up, and it broke me out of my trance.
“What kind of game?” Enzo asked with a hint of amusement sparkling in his eyes.
“Never have I ever.” Her voice carried over the music with her sultry grin. Enzo reveled in its implication. I remained silent.
“That sounds interesting. I’ll start.” Enzo took a minute to consider his first selection. “Never have I ever gone streaking.”
