I could barely see through my tear-flooded eyes. My head felt like it was on fire, and my ears were ringing as if a bomb had gone off in my vicinity. Just to make matters worse, shortly into the thirty-minute drive, the skies opened up, and it began to pour.
I should’ve pulled over. I should’ve turned around and gone home. But my foot stayed heavy on that pedal like a man on a mission who wouldn’t rest until his job was done.
Fortunately, or unfortunately, E’s car was the only one in the driveway when I pulled into it like a bat out of hell. I didn’t even close the door behind me as I jumped out of the black Jeep and into the pouring rain, running for the back door.
I banged hard on the glass slider until a dark figure appeared behind it. E slid the door open hastily.
“Syd, what the hell? You okay? Come in here, get out of the rain.”
“You knew?” I said through gritted teeth. My voice was hoarse and jagged, like I had been screaming at a metal concert and these were my first words.
“What?” He looked confused, trying to make sense of my words, but all he could see was a broken girl in the pouring rain with mascara running down her face. “Come inside”
“You knew. And you didn’t tell me?!” I was trying my hardest not to cry, but my voice cracked, and it dawned on me that I already was.
I turned and walked out onto the deck, further into the rain. He followed me.
“What are you talking about?” The worry in his voice broke me even more—because I didn’t believe in it anymore.
“How can you care about me when you lied like that, E? How can you say the things you do when you were keeping something so big from me?” I cried. Sobbed. And I saw the pain it brought him, but I couldn’t do anything about it.
“What! What did I keep from you?!” He was frantic, his arms out as his sides, begging, pleading for me to explain.
“Kasey and Enzo. You knew they were together, and you didn’t tell me.”
Recognition swept across his face, and his shoulders fell. That’s when I knew—that’s when I knew it was true.
“I’m sorry.” He took a step toward me.
“You don’t get to say that to me. You don’t get to say you’re sorry now that you’re caught.”
“Sydney,” his voice was serious, but soft. “I’m sorry. I never meant to hurt you. I care about you, I do.” He reachedto hug me, but I couldn’t be held by him. I moved away, my eyes firm on his as I took a step back. His mouth tightened and his nostrils flared as he dropped his hand. His jaw ticked as he swallowed. It pained him to witness my disdain, my revulsion to be near him.
“No, you don’t.” I snarled.
“I do.”
“No, you don’t! You’re just like everyone else!” I screamed through my tears, my voice scratchy and strained. “Just like I thought you would be. You’re a liar! I don’t mean shit to you!”
He released a breath through his nostrils. “You’re wrong.” His voice was calm. Stern. Certain of his position, and I’ll never know how.
“I’m right!”
He ran a hand through his soaking hair, frustrated but patient. “You don’t know everything, Syd.”
I scoffed. “I know enough.”
He paused, and it was silent. Nothing but my thundering heart and the sound of the heavy rain between us. Whether he was unsure what to say next, I don’t know, but when he paused, I felt the earth crack beneath me, giving way to the anger as it made room for grief.
“Do you want to be understood right now, or do you want to be right?” he asked.
“I want you to understand that I’m right.”
“Says who?”
“Says me.”
He moved closer then. Nostrils flaring, jaw clenched tight. His patience wavering. “And who are you to me?”
