E:Ahh, only in my Fantasy.
My whole body tingled with a warmth that came from deep within my soul. These two songs once again, said much, much more.
Me:Lol you’re too smooth for your own good, you know that?
E:Lol haha, yeah… We’ll see.
I very much hoped we would.
Track 8
“In The Stone”
-Earth, Wind & Fire, 1979
I DIDN’T TALK to Enzo for weeks after the party, and neither of us seemed to care. We had grown so far apart by that point, I think we were both relieved it was over, even though neither of us announced it was. E and I continued to speak often—nearly every day, and sometimes well into the night. Some nights, we’d stay on the phone until twoA.M., listening to music, or watching a movie at the same time. Some nights, we’d stay on until we fell asleep. I’d wake in the middle of the night to E’s soft, deep breaths coming through the speaker. Each time, I’d pretend he was right there beside me, and I’d close my eyes and fall back asleep to the sweet lullaby of him merely existing.
Once in a while, we’d sneak off together when we knew no one would be around. He’d pick me up in his Cadillac, and we’d drive as if freedom would be waiting for us at any destination. Sometimes, we’d drive aimlessly through the Pine Barrens with the top down, if it were warm enough. Other times, we’d head north and gleam at the wondrous New York City skyline from the Hoboken waterfront. They were simple adventures, and few and far between, but Icherished each of them as if they were the breath in my lungs.
It was the best we could do. The crew was on the rocks now that Enzo and I had broken up, and it certainly wouldn’t be acceptable for E to be hanging out with his friend's ex-girlfriend—at least not by our laws; the lines of which were becoming ever more blurred. But I didn’t hide. Instead, I pressed into the unclear boundaries of our deepening friendship. I liked talking and laughing with E. I liked how he saw me. I liked how he made me feel. And I knew he liked it too. I told him I wouldn’t run, and I wasn’t. I had no intention of ever running again.
One gloomy late-June day, Lara called me in a frenzy. “I need you to come over. Right now,” she said.
“Is everything okay? What’s wrong?” I was panicked, stricken with fear at the tone of her urgency.
“Everything’s fine, but… I’ll just tell you when you get here.”
The sky was a light gray, and darkening by the second. It promised rain within the hour, and I didn’t have a car, but I was too anxious to care about getting caught in it. Seventeen minutes later, I stormed through Lara’s front door and into her bedroom. “What!” I yelled, exasperated.
Her eyes were full of sorrow and guilt. “I have to tell you something,” she said, and it was the saddest voice I’d ever heard.
“Okay, so tell me!” I was shaking, full of wired nerves as I racked my brain trying to figure out what this could possibly be about.
She didn’t say anything more. Instead, she passed me a binder full of crinkled pages. I took a seat beside her on herbed and opened the book. It took me a minute to realize they were notes we’d passed in class, but these were all one-sided, and none of them were from me. They were all from Kasey.
I turned page after page, and then she stopped me. “Start here,” she said, and she looked away, disgusted with herself for something I didn’t yet know.
I began to read.
February 12th
I feel so bad doing this to Syd. She’s my best friend. And she’s Enzo’s girlfriend. But I love him. I loved him before I knew her. Doesn’t that count for anything?
And the next.
March 13th
I seriously feel terrible, Lar. But it feels so good to be with him. Like we were meant for each other. He said he’s going to break up with Syd. Do you think he will? Do you think she’ll be mad if we start ‘dating’ soon after, even though we’re already kind of dating? They barely see each other as it is. You think she’ll be mad?
And the next…
April 27th
I’m starting to get nervous. He hasn’t broken up with Sydney, and he’s coming home soon. Once he can see her again, he’s totally going to break it off with me, I know it! What do I do?
A drop of liquid fell on the sheet, and it was then that I realized I was crying.
I looked up at Lara, who was crying too, but the sound of my own heartbreak was too loud for me to care. A million thoughts raced through my head—Enzo had been cheating on me. With my best friend, of all people. For months. I was sick to my stomach, disgusted that I’d let him touch me, not knowing what he’d been doing behind closed doors. Heartbroken that I trusted a friend who shattered it without a second thought for her own personal gain, if you could even call Enzo a gain.
