“What are you doing?” I asked, my voice dripping with disapproval.
“What’s up, Syd? I’m breaking this stick.” He took another swing, and the bounce-back from the wood-on-wood impact vibrated through him. “This is E.”
My gaze flickered to his friend, who was lighting a cigarette. “Why are you breaking a stick?”
He shrugged, looking back at me. “Something to do.”
“Well, you look dumb, and you’re denting the pole, so leave it alone.” He and his friend raised their brows as they looked at the pole in unison, searching for the dents.
I sighed. “Let’s go.”
At the same moment, a door slammed down my street, followed by angry yells. They both snapped their gazes behind me as my stomach fell to the ground. If I could, Iwould have cowered in place—liquefied and become part of the heated cement beneath our feet.
I hated the way my parents argued. I hated how the simplest thing could lead to full-fledged blowouts. I hated that they never cared who was watching or how their berating affected us. But mostly, I hated how much it embarrassed me.
“They’re at it again?” Enzo asked, and I wished he hadn’t.
“Are they ever not?” I deadpanned, taking a step toward our destination.
Enzo caught up with me in two swift strides and swung his arm around my shoulder. “Don’t worry about it. Your parents are dicks, Syd. Fuck ‘em. Hey, when we’re parents, we’ll be nice as hell to our kids, okay?”
I didn’t respond.
If this were years later, my skin would crawl at the thought of sharing even a soda with Enzo. But it wasn’t. I was sixteen. And sadly, as a sappy, broken teenager desperate to be loved with no definition of the word, a small and reckless part of me was excited at the idea of someone as popular as Enzo wanting me, even if he was popular for all the wrong reasons.
Brokenness will do that to you—it will lead you down all the wrong paths and abandon you there. It will leave you clinging to the idea that anyone wanting you is enough. And when you fall for its lies, it’s deceit. When you fall trapped into a shitty system of survival, it’ll break you more.
If only I’d known.
Track 2
“Spread Your Love”
-Earth, Wind & Fire, 1983
TWENTY MINUTES LATER, Enzo, E, and I were sorting through CDs at the record store.
Kat had met up with some friends of hers on our way and split off to do her thing. I didn’t mind. She didn’t like Enzo much. She’d put up with him when she had to, but they always bickered relentlessly. After the morning we had, neither she nor I was in the mood.
“What brings you to this neck of the woods?” E said when I landed at the bin next to his. We were in the classic rock section. His voice startled me. I heard it while he and Enzo spoke on our walk, but this was the first time he directed it at me. It was deep—deeper than any boy I’d ever met. The vibration of it made me excited and nervous all at once.
His chocolate brown eyes lightened in the gleaming ray of sunlight that slid between us, becoming a stunning shade of amber. When I pulled up an Allman Brothers disc, one corner of his mouth lifted in a crooked grin that tingled in my chest. “Ramblin’ Man or Southbound?”
“Do I have to choose?” I smiled back, trying hard to read between his words so I could make the right choice.
“Yes. It’s important that you choose.” He turned to me then, focused, waiting for my answer.
My heart kicked up, and my nerves began to dance. “Well, I love Southbound. That coming home to the one you love will always get me, but if I have to choose… Ramblin’ Man.”
“What?!” He smiled widely through his loud accusatory words, and I laughed as I defended my case.
“It’s a classic! The wandering soul, restless and longing. You can’t beat that!”
He shook his head, turning back to his bin. “And to think, I had high hopes for you.” He grinned playfully, glancing at me from the corner of his eye—and the spark that came alive in me was something new entirely.
Exciting. Unexpected.
And it caught fire fast.
