“This smells delicious. What Chinese place do you go to?” Ash asked. They had struggled to find good Chinese food in Binghamton. There was one place that delivered to their apartment, but it didn’t compare to food in the city.
That was the one thing Ash missed about home. Their Lower East Side apartment was surrounded by authentic Chinese food. They could get dim sum for lunch whenever they desired.
“Panda III, on Vestal Parkway.”
While Luke unpacked the food, Ash gathered plates and utensils to set the counter. “What would you like to drink?” Ash asked. “I have beer, wine, water, juice, soda…”
“I’ll take a beer,” Luke said, sitting down on a barstool. “How often do you get migraines?”
Ash placed a beer in front of Luke and sat beside him with a cup of water. “It depends. I used to get four or more a month. Now, I’m down to one every few weeks, which is better for me, but my doctor says it’s still not great.”
“A month?” Luke asked, pausing in his action of scooping egg fu young onto his plate. “Is there any way to prevent them?”
Ash nodded. “I take a preventative medication. Ithasdecreased the frequency. But I also only started this medication earlier in the year. So, we’ll see.”
Ash piled their plate high with food. With their migraine and nap, they had skipped lunch. Ash glanced at the clock and realized it was nearly seven o’clock. They left the lab at noon. Had they truly slept that long? Usually, a migraine nap was only a couple of hours.
“How did your work go?” Ashasked.
Luke swallowed his bite of pork fried rice before answering. “I think I’ll be ready to start another sequence tomorrow. But that means I’ll have to work over the weekend.”
“What does sequencing entail?” Ash asked.
As Luke delved into gel electrophoresis, Ash noticed their thoughts drifting from Luke’s words to him as a whole. The way he cared and listened to Ash. The way he took care of them. Luke was here, after a long day in the lab, with dinner because… Ash wasn’t sure why Luke was there. But if the events of yesterday were any indication, Luke was still trying to romance them. And…would it be so bad if Ash let themself be romanced?
Ash began to ponder the idea of what if. When Ash broke things off with Luke, they were worried about their career. They didn’t want to jeopardize anything after they werefinallystarting their life. Was it worth the risk to fall for someone they couldn’t have? How would the school know anyway? They would only know if they found out. But if they did, Ash could be fired.
Luke straightened suddenly and pushed his chair back from the bar. “Oh, I completely forgot about this.” Luke knelt beside his backpack before pulling out a small heating pad similar to an airplane neck pillow.
Ash stared at the heating pad in surprise. “You got this for me?”
Luke placed the heating pad in Ash’s hands. “I don’t know if it’ll help. I don’t have migraines, but when I have a headache I can’t shake, a heating pad helps me. Maybe it’ll help you too.”
Ash didn’t know what to say. This was such a thoughtful gift. Had Luke truly gone out of his way to get this for Ash? What was this man doing? He was playing with Ash’s heart.
“Thank you. You didn’t have to do all this.”
“It was nothing,” Luke said with a shrug. “Anything I can do to help.”
Luke took his seat back beside Ash and finished his dinner, as if he hadn’t just given Ash the most thoughtful gift. Ash couldn’t think straight. Between the post-migraine brain fog and Luke’s kind gestures making their heart flutter, Ash wondered what he was doing. No friend would just bring over dinner unannounced “just because,” especially not on a work night, and they wouldn’t keep their knee pressed against Ash’s even when there was enough space at the counter.
As they packed up the leftovers, Ash lost control of their mouth and pointed a thumb over their shoulder toward the couch. “Do you want to watch a movie or something?”
Luke looked at his watch, then at the door, before turning back to Ash. “I could stay for a movie.”
Ash led Luke to the couch, and they settled in beside each other, closer than was probably appropriate for colleagues whodefinitelyhad their feelings under control. Once the silly comedy movie began to play, Ash settled back into the couch with their arms crossed. From the corner of their eye, Ash could see Luke was tense. It appeared he was keeping his body as small as possible to not touch Ash. While their knees were touching during dinner, Luke seemed aware of his limbs now, and Ash wondered how much of that had to do with how forward Luke was yesterday.
Fuck, Ash was still thinking about the words Luke had whispered and how romantic that was. No one had ever tried to sweep Ash off their feet like that. He knew all the right things to say. He was incredibly strong and tender in bed and went out of his way to care for Ash. Luke didn’t need to be here. He could have gone home, left Ash’s laptop in the lab, and seen them tomorrow. But instead, he went out ofhis way to bring the laptop to Ash and even pick up dinner, knowing they probably hadn’t eaten. How could Ash not pursue something with someone so kind? Was Luke worth the risk? Was he worth the stress and sneaking around that would come? Or would it just taint the relationship? Ash desperately wanted to kiss Luke yesterday; they wanted nothing more. But they let their damn head drive the decisions instead of their heart.
Ever since Ash’s cousin died of cancer, they never put themself first. They continuously put science and the pursuit of knowledge ahead of their happiness. They were known to cancel dates with partners because of research. They canceled plans with their friends because they found a riveting research paper. Hell, they even forgot to eat meals when they were engrossed in their work. For the last ten years, Ash never put themself first. What if they had?
Ash was no longer paying any mind to the movie, instead thinking about what their life could be like with Luke. They would spend their days doing research in a lab with someone they enjoyed spending time with. They would go out for dinner, come home to watch movies, and fall asleep on the couch. They would have sex and cuddle up afterward under the blanket. As Ash sat there, thinking about the future with Luke, they realized how close they were to having that. They took care of each other without the expectation of reciprocity. Luke was here out of the goodness of his heart to take care of Ash. Hadn’t Ash done the same thing yesterday? They had no ulterior motive when they brought Luke to the zoo and the bookstore. They wanted only to bring a smile to his face after a hard day. Was that so horrible?
Luke knocked his knee against Ash’s, pulling them from their thoughts. “You’re not paying attention to the movie,” Luke said with a wry smile. “Are you all right?”
“Yeah, I’m fine.” Ash tried very hard to focus on the movie, but their thoughts kept drifting back to Luke and the future and what might happen if they just said yes.
Once the end credits rolled, Luke stood from the couch and started gathering his things. “I should head home. I’d like to get an early start tomorrow.”
