“What if there is a me? What if there is one interested kid, and I can’t make it interesting for them?” Ash wrung their hands together underneath the table.
“Ash,” Jenn leveled her gaze on them, “you are a wonderful professor. The fact you’re worrying about that means you’ll be great. Half the people in this room couldn’t care less if someone hated their class. They don’t care about being a good teacher. Hell, when I first started, I didn’t.”
“Really?” Ash cocked their head to the side. “You were one of my favorite professors.”
“Years of practice,” Jenn said. “I wasn’t a good professor at first. I didn’t care about teaching. I just wanted to do my research. But, after a few semesters, I tried to change my perspective. And eventually, I wanted my students to walk away learning something rather than worrying if I graded on a specific curve. Did I get in trouble for not failing students? More than once. But they couldn’t find another professor as good as me. Ash, you’re already there. You are years ahead of me; you are a natural teacher.”
Tears pricked the corner of Ash’s eyes. Jenn always knew just what to say to settle Ash’s nerves. She was the only reason Ash didn’t have a mental breakdown before their dissertation defense. She had sat with them for an hour beforehand to calm them down. And it worked—they walked into that room more confident than ever.
Jenn was right. Ash loved teaching, loved molding the minds of future chemists. Even when they taught general chemistry, where very few declared chemistry as their major, Ash loved it. They loved teaching the basics to new students. They enjoyed watching them raise their hands to answer questions because there was no fear of getting it wrong. Ash never let their students feel less than if they didn’t know something. They would go over it again with the whole class because,as they would tell their students: there would always be someone else who is just as confused as you.
“You’re right, Jenn,” Ash said. They glanced at their watch and slowly stood from their chair. “I should get going. I have a few things to set up before class.”
Jenn nodded. “Good luck today, Ash. You’ll be great.”
Ash bid Jenn farewell and dumped the rest of their tea in the trash. As Ash rounded the corner into the hallway, their heart dropped into their stomach.
“Ash?” Luke asked, stopping mid-stride down the hall.
That night three months ago came back in a flash of heat and touches. Every second Luke had held Ash flooded Ash’s mind. It was almost as if they were back in Luke’s home just then. Ash could picture that night with perfect clarity.
Ash hadn’t let themself think about that night after a week of nothing. No texts. No calls. Nothing. Ash had been glued to their phone, just waiting for Luke to call…but there was nothing. And day by day, Ash finally let it go. Luke was never going to call. They would never see him again.
But now…
“Luke,” Ash breathed.
“What are you doing here?” Luke looked around.
“I work here,” Ash said. They could barely breathe. Luke had the sleeves of his black button-down rolled up, exposing his muscled forearms. His black dress pants were a stark difference from the blue jeans he wore that night in the bar. “Don’t tell me…”
“So do I,” Luke said as he moved down the hall until he was a mere foot away fromAsh.
Ash didn’t know what to say. All words escaped them. Of all the fucking people in the bar Ash could have gone home with, it had to be a colleague? Fucking hell.
“I have to go.” Ash moved to step around Luke, but he blocked them.
Luke grasped Ash’s wrist. “Are you okay? What happened?”
Ash looked over their shoulder, hoping no one was around to overhear their conversation. Thankfully, the hallway was blissfully empty. “I really need to go. My class starts in fifteen minutes.”
“Can I walk you? I’d like to talk.”
Ash shook their head. “I don’t think that’s a good idea.”
Luke released Ash’s wrist and ran a hand through his curls. “How about after class? Come to my office. Please.”
“Okay.” Ash nodded their head. “I’ll come to your office.”
Ash could barely string a sentence together; how were they going to teach, let alonetalkto Luke afterward?
“Thank you. I’ll see you later.” Luke moved to the side of the hall, letting Ash scoot past.
Ash walked down the hall and out into the warm summer air. The light breeze hid the humidity, allowing Ash to take a deep breath. Luke was here. He was a professor. He was Ash’s fucking colleague. What the fuck? How did this not come up? They talked about their degrees…how did they not discuss their professions? In hindsight, it should have been obvious. What else would Luke be doing in Binghamton with a PhD?
Ash didn’t need this. They did not need complicated. Could they even continue to see Luke? There was probably some rule about not dating colleagues. Or was that just something in movies and books to complicate the plot? Ash couldn’t remember ever hearing of a rule like that. Did they have the employee handbook?
Ash pulled out their phone and scoured their email for the employee handbook. They scrolled through it, reading faster than they ever had before. Ash’s stomach turned to stone when they found it. Employees must avoid romantic or sexual relationships with one another if those relationships create a conflict of interest or disruption of the workplace. What the hell did that mean? Was there a conflict of interest between them? Could their relationship cause a disruption? If it didn’t work out, sure, there could be some awkwardness there, but…how much would Ash and Lukeactuallywork together being in different departments?
