“You’re right. I’m just trying to show you that we all got shit from our pasts, and when we open up to people, it feels good. Having a team that has your back feels good. Being able to share things about your life with people feels good. Being invited to celebrations, get-togethers feels good. Choosing to continue to live a life of loneliness doesn’t feel so good, does it?”
Ian’s eyes are full of sadness. I’ve never seen the guy so open and honest before. It’s jarring.
“I did it all for her, you know? Worked my ass off to be great at baseball, in hopes that my mom would come back to watch me play. It’s why I stayed so fucking focused on only baseball, so that I could be the best the world’s ever seen. I ignore team camaraderie because I don’t want to lose focus. All for what? A mother who doesn’t give a shit? Who will never call me again once I retire in ten years?”
“It doesn’t have to be that way still. You can choose a new path,” I encourage him, hoping that he’s listening even though he’s drunk.
He snorts. “The team hates me. You hate me. There’s no point. I may as well stick to the character I’ve created.”
“No one hates you.”
Ian gives me adon’t bullshit melook.
“Okay, maybe I did before, but not now. I understand you. And the guys will too if you just talk to them. You don’t need to tell them what you told me, just start with conversation. Ask them what’s going on at home, talk about the latest movie, anything. They don’t hate you. They just want to know you and have you truly be a part of the team.”
“All right,” he replies, seeming better than he was before. “So where does that leave us two now?”
“You tell me,” I reply, letting him be the one to decide how this goes.
“I’d like to try and be…friends. Or whatever. You’re going to be around for at least eighteen years, so I may as well get used to you,” he says, a slight curve to his lips.
I smirk at his attempt to joke. “A lot longer than that. Wherever that kid is, I’ll be there.”
“Good, you better be. Or I’ll hunt you down,” Ian threatens, and I know there’s no joking to his words.
He doesn’t need to worry, though, because I’ve never been excited for anything in my life as I am to be a father.
I won’t be going anywhere.
It only adds to my potential decision to retire at the end of the season. Because not only do I want to before my body gives out on me, but now, I have a family to think of.
I want to be there for everything. The first time she rolls over on her tummy. Hearing the first giggle.
It’s with those thoughts that I decide retiring is more than likely going to be a possibility this year. There’s just someone I need to talk to first.
Chapter 36
Teagan
The sun peeking through my closed curtains awakens me, the bright light making it hard to stay asleep.
I stretch in bed with a yawn before grabbing my phone to see that it’s just past nine a.m.
Sitting upright, my heart pounds excitedly when I realize that Quentin will be home today.
It’s been the longest two weeks of my life, and I don’t think quiet has ever felt so loud. I felt his absence daily, craving his smirks and gentle words.
God, it seems like forever since I’ve seen him.
My stomach flutters at the reminder, as I’m eager to see him, yet slightly nervous. Because the last time I saw him was after he helped me in the shower.
What has me nervous is that what if I see him and want to do that all over again? Because it’s definitely crossed my mind once or twice, or a lot.
I also miss him…and I’m confused about what all these varying feelings mean.
And I’m terrified to find out.
Not wanting to dwell on my feelings any longer, I decide to get up and get started with my day. It’s a Saturday, which means no work for me, so I can have a slow morning with my decaf iced coffee and breakfast.
