But now that it’s out in the open, I feel so relieved that I don’t have to hide this major part of my life from him anymore. I’m already hiding enough.
I’m not sure how or if it’s possible, but I’m hoping somehow on this road trip they work things out. Because I won’t be able to handle the tension between them for the rest of our lives.
So despite feeling relieved, I’m sad too because I hate that Ian isn’t talking to me right now. We’ve nevernottalked. It was us against the world growing up. We were always there for one another, and it pains me to see him this hurt that I kept this from him.
A tear runs down my cheek, not even a surprise to me because it seems like all I do anymore is cry randomly since I found out I was pregnant. It used to piss me off at first because I hate being emotional, but now I’ve started to accept it since I can’t control it. And I must say, it’s freeing to let myselffeelwithout guilt or embarrassment.
A knock on the front door has me quickly wiping my tears away as I shuffle to the entryway to answer it.
Standing on my tiptoes, I peek through the peephole and see Camille and Olivia on the doorstep.
I open the door, confused as to why they’re here.
“Hi,” I say cautiously. “Is everything okay?”
“Yup. We just wanted to see if we could come over and hang out?” Camille proposes with a smile. “If you’re not busy, of course.”
Honestly, they came at the perfect time. I need this girl time. I would usually call my friends, but they’re both in the middle of their seasons and around the world, with Clara playing in Canada this week, and Kaya in New Zealand. Besides, I don’t want to bother them with my drama while they’re busy working. They probably wouldn’t care and would love to be there for me, but I feel like I’ve already put enough on their plates in the past few weeks.
Plus, Clara’s been working hard on planning this baby shower, adding to her busy schedule. I have no idea what the plans are other than when and where, with Clara keeping everything a surprise. The only thing keeping me from feeling bad about it is hearing how much fun she’s having planning everything.
“I would love that,” I reply, stepping back to welcome them inside.
“Hey, Coach,” Olivia says as she walks inside, then wraps her arms around me. “I can’t wait for the baby to be here.”
My heart clenches from the action as I hug her back, happy that she feels comfortable enough with me to do that.
“I’m excited too. I know you’ll be the best cousin,” I tell her as she pulls away from me.
“I will. I promise!” she says happily.
Olivia found out last week when I announced my pregnancy at work and to the world.
Since telling Ian was out of the way, and the fact that I’m starting to show no matter how much I try to hide it, I gave Nina the go ahead to publish the news on social media with a joint statement from Quentin and me. She left out the personal details, simply saying that we were welcoming a child in the new year and that we were both excited to be parents.
Social media has been blowing up with congratulations from my fans, and even some of my past teammates. While some comments speculate that this is truthfully why I retired from the competition.
Gosh, I miss gymnastics. I miss competing and challenging myself. And as much as I say I’m going to compete again, there’s a part of me that can’t help but wonder how the fuck I’m going to pull that off. Before I learned I was pregnant, I could keep up with training and working on my skills. But now it’s a safety risk for the baby, according to my doctor.
Which means it’s more time off, more time for skills to fade and my muscle strength to decrease. I’ve never had this much time off, and there’s so much unknown about what will happen once Blueberry’s here. What if my body won’t be able to come back to how it was before?
Olivia takes off into the living room and opens a cabinet under the TV, where a stack of coloring books and markers are stored.
“She knows what she’s doing,” I say with a chuckle as Camille and I take a seat on the couch.
“That she does. Quentin keeps a few of her favorite things here for whenever he watches her,” Camille comments, her eyes full of love as she looks at her daughter.
Olivia smiles happily and plops down onto the floor, getting situated with her book.
“That doesn’t surprise me. He’s always thinking of others,” I remark, my heart fluttering because I know exactly how caring heis. I’ve been on the receiving end of it for weeks now, enjoying every second of it.
“He’s really the best,” Camille replies as she tucks her long blonde hair behind her ear.
Her comment, while true, makes me wonder that since his care taking ways are a part of who he is, and if fatherhood is actually something he wants. Or is he doing this because it’s what he’s done his whole life?
“Can I ask you something?”
“Anything.”
