“You okay?” Teagan asks, looking up at me.
“Yeah, I’m fine.” I brush it off, trying to play it cool.
“It’s okay if you’re nervous. I am too,” she admits, her honesty making me feel relieved that I’m not alone in this.
“What for?” I ask, my tone gentle.
“I just want everything to be okay, you know? I want Blueberry healthy.”
“They will be.” I do my best to reassure her, despite it not being a guarantee of a statement. “You’re taking care of yourself. Everything will be okay.”
Teagan nods silently as she takes it in, then asks, “Why are you nervous?”
I roll my lips together as I think of how to explain it.
“It’s the anticipation of emotions if that makes sense. I know hearing the heartbeat for the first time is going to change me, and it’s nerve-wracking awaiting such a huge emotion.”
I’m slightly nervous as well that somehow I’m not the father, because I’ve already become invested.I can’t go through that kind of pain again.
“I get that. When I heard it for the first time, it changed something in me. Knowing there was life inside of me that needs me, it’s what made everything set in for me,” she tells me, and God, I wish I had been there with her for that first time.
I don’t plan on missing a single thing from here on out.
“Good morning,” Dr. Caruso says as she enters the room with a warm smile, clipboard in hand.
“Good morning,” Teagan and I say in unison.
“Should we start with the paternity results?” she asks, looking from me to Teagan.
My gaze goes down to Teagan, who gives me a reassuring look.
“I’d like that,” I tell Dr. Caruso. It feels like a boulder of anxiety sits on top of my chest as I await her answer.
“The baby’s yours, Mr. Laurent,” she replies with a soft smile.
Relief blows through me and the nerves I’d been carrying since Teagan told me she was pregnant evaporate almost instantly at the confirmation that I’m going to be a father this time. While I trusted Teagan, having the reassurance after the shit I went through last time is something I needed.
“Thank you,” I murmur to Teagan, who’s looking at me with a small smile on her lips.
“I wanted you to have this sense of security in this situation,” she tells me, and I nod, doing my best to keep my emotions at bay because it’s exactly what I needed.
We stare at one another for a beat, my lips turning up into a smile as we do.
“Let’s see your baby now,” Dr. Caruso says happily as she cuts into the moment while she washes her hands in the sink and then covers them with gloves.
She presses a few buttons on the machine, then puts gel on the doppler.
“This will be cold,” she warns as she presses the doppler against her belly, moving it back and forth.
The room is eerily silent, so much so that I swear I can hear my heart in my chest beating rapidly. Then a strongthud, thud, thudfills the room and in an instant, everything changes.
Goose bumps spread across my skin at the noise, while my heart feels like it’s expanding in my chest, overflowing with a love so strong and powerful. In the last few years as I’ve spent time with my niece, it’s made me want to have a child of my own someday.
And now that day is here.
This baby,mybaby, is my life now. I don’t care about anything except for how to be the best parent to Blueberry.
On the screen, there’s a tiny bean-looking image, and Dr. Caruso points to it and says, “There’s your baby.”
