"You mean to tell me that you want that lesson to be now? With your head hurting and you being tired and dizzy?"
She makes a face and sighs. "Ugh. Fine."
"Tomorrow, if you're feeling up to it. I promise." Against my judgment, I bring the back of her hand to my lips. So, so casually.
When we get to the house and I get her inside, I make sure she's got fresh ice and some ibuprofen before we pack onto the couch to watch movies, even Scout, who's curled up in her lap. Molly doesn't make it an hour before she's nodding off. So I click off the TV. Ignore her protests and promises she's fine. I wait while she brushes her teeth and washes her face, leaning on the doorframe of the bathroom.
Such a simple thing. An easy thing. A moment in her day, just like any other day. But I watch every step, soaking up every detail. The fuzzy headband she uses to hold her hair back. The shiny potions and lotions she slathers on her pretty cheeks. The way she sounds when she tries to talk to me with her toothbrush in her mouth. Easy. Simple.
Nothing else between us is. It's getting more complicated by the day. And like the selfish bastard I am, I can't help myself.
For all my years on this earth, I have rarely indulged myself, not only in what I want, but what I let myself have. This? This is a first. And the most dangerous. But I can't stop. I can't walk away. Even the thought of it is a slice down my sternum, hot and painful.
After all my protestation, all the conversations about casual, about her not catching feels when I'm in just as much danger. Maybe more.
Goddamn, I'm way past trouble.
And yet, here I am, walking her to her room, once again in a position I shouldn't have put myself in. Anyone could have stayed with her. Cass would have in a heartbeat.
There was no way it was gonna be anyone but me.
I only have one defense left tonight, and I beg myself to stand behind it.
I pull back her covers, waiting for her to get in bed. But she folds her arms and pins me with a look, knowing I don't plan to stay in here with her.
"You can't sleep out there," she insists.
"Why not? I have before."
"It's different now."
"How so?"
"In the way that my boob has been in your mouth and your hand has a summer home down my shorts."
I snort. "I can't sleep in here, Molly."
"Please?"
"It's a bad idea."
"I think we can handle sleeping in a bed together."
"Funny you think I'm worried about you." I look at her full-sized bed and then back at her. "That's almost as small as the couch."
"Grey."
"Molly."
"Is this because I freaked out earlier?"
"No," I answer honestly. The truth is that I'm the problem.
"Because I still agree to all the rules."
"One of them is that we don't spend the night together."
"This is a special circumstance. I'll sleep better knowing you're close. And if something happens, you'll be right here."
