"It was so funny and silly and I loved it. Even the raccoons."
He laughs. "I'm sorry one stole your egg roll."
"Honestly, he earned it." I turn to pour our coffee, even though the pot's not finished. "Thank you, Grey. It was thoughtful of you to do that for me." I leave his black like he likes it. Mine gets a spoon of sugar. And then I'm on track for him.
"That's the first time anybody's called me thoughtful for supplying weed. Thank you," he says, taking his offered cup and diving right in for a sip.
I gape, sitting next to him. "Doesn't that burn?"
He shrugs. "I mean, it's hot."
"Don't you burn your tongue?"
"No. Why? Does it burn yours?"
"Yes! I wouldn't be able to taste anything for two days. How does it not burn your mouth? It's at such a temperature that it scientifically should burn your mouth."
Grey chuckles, shrugs again while he takes a drink as if to demonstrate. "Dunno. Built different, I guess."
"That's for sure," I mutter into my mug and blow on my coffee. When I take the tiniest sip, the tip of my tongue is fried. "That's it. You're a mutant." I set my mug down so I won't be tempted, which leaves me with nothing to do but watch him. He looks so comfortable, so at ease, relaxed in the rickety chair at my table. I like the sight of him here, like this. Makes me all hot and fluttery in the uterus. "So, about you giving me sexy lessons."
He chokes on his coffee, reaching for a napkin. "Jesus, Molly," he croaks, wiping his mouth.
My lips purse. Otherwise, I'll laugh. "Well, it's just that…going through all of these firsts with you, the thing I've learned most of all is that I'm tired of waiting. I'm sick of not knowing. But when it comes tothis, my options are limited. Rather than find some random guy, I'd rather it be you." The way he's looking at me makes me sweat in places I didn't know could sweat. "I trust you. You'll take care of me. You won't take advantage. The way you've taught me everything else…this is the first time, the first andonlysituation where it's ever felt possible. But…" I've hit the hard part. There's no way through it but to stammer. "The thing I'm…well…what I'm most scared of, I guess…I mean…like, I get it if you don't want to. If you don't see me that way, I…I understand. I mean, even assuming you'd want to kiss me is bananas--"
"Molly, I have wanted to kiss you since the first second I laid eyes on you."
A full body flush starts in the center of my chest and sweeps across every inch of my skin. "Oh." It's barely a word. "W-well, that's…good. I think." I clear my throat. He's staring at me so hard I can barely breathe. So I pick up my mug, desperate for something to do with my hands and eyes that don't involve him. "Then…yeah. Then I guess that's it. I'm sober, and I'm asking again if you'll teach me about this part of life too."
Still, he watches me through several measured breaths. "And the alternative is you finding some random guy out there?"
I frown, shaking my head a little. "I don't know what else to do. But I know I don't want to wait anymore I'm twenty-four, Grey. I'm twenty-four, and I feel like I'm just getting to live. It's not fair that it's been like this. And now that I know just how unfair it is, I'm through sitting around, waiting for the right time. The right night. I think I've already found the right guy. The thought of going out there to find someone scares me." I admit it all without meaning to and bite my bottom lip to stopme from saying more. "But I've already asked so much of you. If this is too much--"
"I'll do it."
My mouth is still open for the rest of the sentence I guess I won't speak. "You will?" I say instead. "Really?"
A solitary nod. I can't tell how he feels. He looks a little angry, if I'm honest--brows together, jaw set, eyes narrowed, but they're on fire, and the heat of his gaze leaves me squirming. "But we're gonna establish ground rules."
"Okay," I say breathlessly, beginning to smile.I'm going to get kissed. Coach is going to kiss me.My heart is beating so fast and hard, I feel like I might faint. "Should I get a pen?"
He laughs, that glorious sound untwisting the tether between us enough to grant me room to breathe. "I don't think you'll need one. If we're going to do this, we have to do what we can to keep it simple. Or it'll get messy, fast." I nod. He continues. "Physical attraction complicates things--it comes with feelings. This…this has to be casual. No promises. No expectations. You are my friend, and that comes first. But we have to agree that we can walk away at any time without owing each other anything. We aren't dating, and we won't--. You deserve more than I can give you, and I won't lead you on. I don't want to hurt you, and if we're not careful, I will. You need to understand this part."
My excitement has twisted up into a ball and rolled into my throat. I still can't breathe, but for different reasons. "Don't fall in love with Coach," I joke. "Got it."
He reacts with a noise and a quirk of his face, but it's neutral enough that I'm not sure what he's thinking. "Other ground rules. Always sober. Only here, at your place. No spending the night." I must look disappointed, because he softens a little, saying, "Not because I won't want to. I will. This is how we protect ourselves. It has nothing to do with what we want and everything to do with keeping space between us. I think weshould keep it on the low, too. People are already talking about us, but we have a cover story that they believe--I am helping you with your house, and you are paying me with food. We are friends. That's it. If they find out, they will crucify me for preying on you because of our age difference. God only knows what they'll say about you. And I'll end up in jail if I hear a word of it. So if you need a reason, do it for my criminal record."
I hate this conversation a little and get up to hide my face, chuckling a little awkwardly. "I really think I need to write all this down." By the time I've got a notepad and pen, I've got myself under control. Hastily, I scribble down what rules we've already gone over, drawing my legs up so my feet are on the seat.
"Molly, look at me."
My lips are pinched painfully between my teeth, but I look up at him and find a plea behind his eyes.
"I will teach you anything you want to know, even if it's just kissing. But I know better than to think it won't go further. Which means we are entering into a sexual relationship." He pauses, staring at me like that, then says, "This is not a game to me. So I need to ask you. Are you sure you want to do this?"
I pin him with all the heat in my chest, what he put there, whathesparked in me. "Grey, I want to do this so fucking bad, I can't see straight."
A laugh of disbelief puffs out of him, his body relaxing. But his eyes are still red hot when he says, "Good. Now, the fun stuff."
