Looking into her big brown eyes, I think,I can't figure out how nobody's snapped you up.
Molly draws a little breath of surprise, her cheeks flushing deep, her gaze dropping so she can hide behind her lashes.
I turn to stone.
Oh my fucking god, did I say that out loud?
"I…well, there hasn't been much of a chance, I guess," she mutters, confirming my nightmare.
I clear my throat, sit up a little. "Sorry. That's none of my business."Stupid, stupid idiot. You should have stayed sober.
"It's okay. I wondered that about you too."
Anything not to acknowledge what I said. "I dunno. Baseball's been eating my life since I was a kid, from playing to coaching--. I don't have much left to give. Being this busy, I've always figured I couldn't build a family. It's something I had to figure out. I dated, in my twenties and thirties, but I always hit a compatibility wall. She wanted kids and I wasn't sure. She wanted city life, I'm tied to Roseville. Some we just…didn't communicate the same. They didn't get that sometimes, I'm quiet. I tend to…brood, I guess. So I assumed it wasn't for me."
Molly's quiet, soft. She nods but doesn't say anything. For some reason, I keep talking.
"And then…" My chest tingles, and I rub my sternum absently. "My…my parents were addicts, you know. Dad was the initiator between him and my mom. They'd start to get clean, but he'd drag them back into it. He gambled. Sold drugs sometimes. She overdosed when I was twelve, and I can’t help but wonder…if he’d only let her go, if he’d let her get sober, would she have lived?” I push through the thought. “When she died, he left town. Never saw him again.” My pulse thumps in my ears. “In the end, my father ruined himself, he ruined my mom, and he would have ruined me too, if it wasn't for my grandma. I knowwhat a shitty man can do to a family, and I decided not to risk being half in."
When I stop there, I pray she doesn't ask questions, not about them, not now.
I see the recognition of that thought on her face as it softens, brushing past it. "Do you date now?"
I shrug, relieved. "Just casual stuff here and there. You won't be surprised that you couldn't pay me to get on a dating app." I humph, but it sounds like a chuckle. "But no. Nothing serious."
"Can I ask you something?" Her tone is somehow determined and timid all at once.
"Anything."
"The other day, when you said you were too old, what did you mean?"
Fuck. Anything but that.I shift, reaching for my glass of water so I don't have to look at her. "Did I say that?"
"You did. You said, sometimes I made you feel too old more than you think of me as young."
I shrug, staring at the ice as I shake the glass a little, watching it swirl around. "Just in the general sense, I guess. I'm a lot older than you."
"I know, but…well, the way you said it kind of felt like you were really saying--" She frowns. Looks up. "Do you hear that?"
"Hear what?"
A thump sounds above us, and we both start. I'm on my feet.
"What is that?" she whispers.
I don't know how I got here, but I've put myself between her and the noise. Another thump, this one with a scurrying and scratching. An animal. I relax a hair.
"Go get the flashlight we got the other day and a towel."
"Okay."
I follow the scurrying as it traverses the living room toward the hall where the attic ladder is. I'm staring up at it, listeningto the scratching when she returns, wide eyed, and presses the flashlight into my hand. I take the towel and unfurl it, slinging it over my shoulder.
"What are you going to do?" she hisses.
"I'm gonna go up there and get that fucker." Click--the Maglite is on.
"Get it with what?!"
