He disappeared from my door again.I looked up at Keaton.He appeared to have finished setting up the delivery of the phone stand.He was staring at his phone and frowning instead.I watched as he typed something out and then appeared to delete it.He seemed troubled.
“Are you texting someone?”I asked.I didn’t mean for my tone to sound as harsh as it did.I’d noticed him doing the same earlier.That was with a smile; this with a frown.
“Sorry!”Keaton said.His cheeks flamed up in that deeper red shade again.Interesting.Pink for praise.Red for guilt.“I was – I didn’t mean to – the message just came up, and…”
“Who?”I asked.
I shouldn’t have.It was likely personal.The kind of thing a boss didn’t need to know.
But…
I needed to know who made him smile like that.Frown like that.Who took his attention from me and the work I needed him to do.
He swallowed.“My ex,” he said.His voice caught on the word.“Uh, Jordan.”The name was fraught with emotion.
“He broke up with you,” I guessed.Keaton still sounded heartbroken.
“I was the one to end it,” he said.I sat up a little straighter.“I mean, I made the decision, but, yeah… Jordan was the one who made it all end.He wouldn’t come out.I just can’t be with someone who’s in the closet like that.We had to hide all the time, and it made me feel like I was nothing.Like I was something for him to be ashamed of.I can’t… feel like that all the time, not even for someone I love.”
Love.
So he loved this Jordan.
And the man broke his heart.
I clenched my hands into fists on top of my thighs.I only stopped when I felt something snap inside the pen I was holding.“Why are you texting him?”I asked.“It sounds like he isn’t worth your time.”
A strange smile flitted across Keaton’s face.“No, you’re right,” he said.“He isn’t.”He looked down at his phone for a long moment.He swiped a gesture across the screen.Deleting the messages?Closing the app?
“Motive,” I said.“Look up news articles and social media posts for me.Anything anti-Ridley.”
Keaton nodded smartly and refocused on his monitor.His fingers began to fly over the keyboard.
I looked back down at the table scattered with contracts and picked up a sheet of paper.I pretended to read it.
Only pretended.
I couldn’t stop thinking about it.
Jordan – Keaton’s ex who was in the closet.Refusing to share his true face with the world.Keaton had suffered because of that.Keaton was right to say he couldn’t live that way.No one who loved you should make you feel unimportant.
When I loved someone, I made sure they felt like they were the most important person in the world.
Or I would.When I next got the chance.
Not being out was harmful to your partner.This piece of information slotted into my head in a place that made absolute sense.There was a reason why I was single.
Why I showed the world that I was alone.
An uneasy kernel of truth lodged into my gut like a kidney stone.
Anyone who loved Keaton next would have to be out there in the world.Would have to show him off on their arm like he was a prize.Because he was a prize.
So I did need to focus on this contract.Not on my secretary.
Because he could never be anything more than that to me.
Keaton
