Would I be just as bad as all of them if I let him do this, knowing that I couldn’t stay?
That no matter what happened between us, in a month, I would be gone for good?
He leaned forward, brushing his hands up my inner thighs, and all I could do was stifle a groan and reach for him. If we were going to do this, I at least wanted to do it right.
I pulled him up, as upright as he could get on his knees on the floor, and leaned down to him. I wrapped my arms around him, my hands at the back of his neck to hold and keep his head, and swept his mouth with my own. One, two, three kisses just like that, deeper each time, and on the fourth time we didn’t pull apart again. I felt him relax against my arms, his body going boneless as I kissed him hungrily, my tongue exploring his mouth and tangling with his own.
I wanted all of him. Not just a quick and empty servicing on his knees for me. I tugged at the bottom of his shirt and he took the hint, stripping off his own buttons and throwing it to the side with none of the care and respect he had shown my clothes. I wanted us to be equal, even. I pulled him to a standing position and undid his belt even as he stooped to keep the contact between our lips. I panted for breath between kisses, so consumed by the depth of them and the rush of adrenaline in my blood that I could hardly prioritize oxygen.
Some small part of the back of my brain was sending warning signals, telling me this was too much, too good. I managed to pull Xavi’s pants out of our way and my hand brushed over his dick, hard and matching my own, over his underwear. There was just one layer left for each of us, now.
One layer to stop this being a colossal mistake.
One layer before we were past the point of no return and no amount of logical or sensible thinking would be enough to hold us back.
That small part of my brain was telling me that I wasn’t the kind of man to have a one-night-stand, and if I did this, if I got in too deep, I may not be able to get back out of it without getting hurt. And by the heat of Xavi’s kisses, hurt bad.
And maybe I wouldn’t be the only one getting hurt, and that mattered more to me – was supposed to matter more – was supposed to be enough to stop me.
He pulled away for a moment and looked down into my eyes. A protest at the loss of his lips died on mine. He was serious. Too serious. He bit his lip, a gesture that only brought my attention back full circle to his mouth.
To his full, plump lips, so delicious to kiss. So adept at slicing people apart with words, or turning on the honey when he wanted to get his way.
And I had a feeling they would suck the life out of me, too.
Xavi’s hands left mine and he reached for the hem of his underwear and pushed it to the floor, straightening with an almost defiant look on his face.
He spent all of his time with football players and guys who practically looked like male models. I understood why Xavi was the way he was. The anxieties he already had would not play well with the fact that he didn’t have a ripped six-pack or look like a skinny indie boy or have big enough biceps to lift an elephant.
He had an average body, and average wasnormal. There was nothing wrong with average. But I had a feeling he didn’t know that.
I made sure he caught me looking him up and down and then fitted my hand around his cock, squeezing lightly to make him hiss. He bit his lip and threw his head back. I couldn’t tell whether it was just in reaction to my physical actions or whether he appreciated that I hadn’t turned away or made a face or done whatever the Adonis-like creatures he was normally around did when they looked at him. I liked to think it was at least a combination of the two.
All of a sudden, I couldn’t stand the thought that Xavi might think less of himself because of how he looked. And I knew, because I had seen it in his face, that he did.
Maybe I could do something to change that.
“Ah,” Xavi panted, looking down and putting his hands on my forearms. I stopped moving my hand around his cock, letting him free, and he took the moment to drop back to his knees again. He reached up and tugged the hem of my underwear down, letting my cock spring out. I shifted my hips just a little, feeling a slight burn in my leg as I did so, but the burn was all but forgotten when his fingers ghosted over the side of my thighs and calves to drag the fabric away.
I was hard and aching for him, and it wouldn’t take experience to see it. Xavi sat back on his haunches in that same way he had earlier before I pulled him closer to kiss him, regarding me for just a second with almost a coquettish air. The fact that the same practiced look must have driven countless other men wild didn’t bother me so much as the fact that it was fake, plastered on.
I needed to know that he really wanted this, wanted me, and that it wasn’t all just a desperate play for attention from anyone who would give it.
“Xavi,” I murmured. I reached for his face, my hands cupping his cheeks. “You’re beautiful. But we don’t have to do this.”
“I should be the one telling you that,” Xavi said. His voice was half-raw. He hesitated. “This isn’t part of the deal. The payment. You don’t have to…”
Oh, Xavi. And now I understood. It wasn’t whether he really wanted me or just validation that I needed to be worried about. It was his own fear – that I was only doing this because I had been paid.
“I know I don’t have to,” I told him. I gave him a light smile, tracing over the shape of the side of his face – temple down the swoop to the corner of his eye, corner of his eye down over his cheekbone, and through the curve of his chin. “I don’t have a lot of energy left.”
“You don’t need it,” Xavi declared instantly. He took my hands away from his face and held them for just a moment, like he didn’t want to let go – and then firmly put gently pushed me until I was lying on my back across the bed. “Just let me do everything.”
If I had enough breath left, I would have uttered a stream of curse words to make a nun blush.
Xavi
The first moment my tongue touched his dick, Rowe groaned out loud, and I could only grin to myself and savor that one spark of victory.
