Xavi
I was a dick.
And not even the fun kind.
Even when the food and the alcohol came to serve as a distraction, I couldn’t fight the heavy feeling in my stomach. I didn’t know anything about him. I’d even gotten his name wrong. Some fake boyfriend I was turning out to be.
I’d been worried Rowe wouldn’t be able to act well enough to pull it off, but it turned out that I was the weak link.
Why can’t you just be better?
The question reverberated around and around in my head. Why did I have to be such a dick all the time? Rowe knew everything about me and I’d never paid enough attention to know the first basic things about him. Even though I’d always thought he was hot at work, the first time we’d flirted and he’d knocked me back, I’d given up and focused my attention elsewhere. If I didn’t think I had a chance at fucking him, there was no point in listening.
But even then – even if we had fucked – would I be any better? I thought about Ace. Ace’s siblings, Ace’s favorite food, Ace’s best friend. I couldn’t honestly say I knew the answers, and we’d been friends for years on top of everything else.
And on top of everything else, I’d let Ace get away with violating one of the only rules Rowe made me promise to when he agreed to come with me. No inappropriate sexual talk. And he’d had to front it out with Ace with no help from me, sacrificing his own discomfort.
Hot tears threatened at the corners of my eyes and I choked down a bite of my food, trying to forget about it and failing over and over again. I washed it down with a huge gulp of my drink that didn’t even touch the sides.
“How is it?” Rowe asked, his voice low. A question just for me to hear. Everyone else around the table was talking amongst themselves, having fun, catching up on what had happened since they saw each other last. Given that most of them were at one or the other of the bachelor parties, probably not much.
“It’s nice,” I nodded automatically. I hadn’t really tasted a single bite of the food. I glanced at him. His cane was balanced against the lip of the table between us, the curve on the handle hooked precariously over the edge. “Um. If you get tired at all, we can go whenever.”
Rowe shot me an amused look. “I told you. I can hold my own.”
“I know,” I shot back, and took a breath to stop myself from retaliating. He wasn’t angry. He wasn’t shouting at me. He looked like he thought I was funny, if anything. I wasn’t trying to be funny. I was trying to be considerate. “I’m serious. Just – if you need something. Just tell me what and when. Okay?”
Rowe looked at me again and met my eyes for a longer moment. I tried to send him the message I wanted to convey:even if this isn’t real, I still want you to be comfortable. I knew I had fucked up with the questions and he knew it, too. Maybe in some small way, I could make up for being a selfish and self-centered little brat by looking after his needs for the rest of the weekend.
Even so, the thought made me panic. Looking after someone else? I had no idea where to even start.
Rowe smiled, the gesture actually reaching his eyes this time. “I will,” he said. “I promise.”
I smiled back and nodded, then found myself wrenching my eyes straight back to my food.
There was heat in my cheeks – a blush.
I was fucking blushing like a schoolgirl.
What the hell was wrong with me?
“Are we getting speeches?” I asked, loudly, distracting myself from Rowe by trying to engage with someone, anyone else.
“I might give a little best man rehearsal dinner speech if that’s okay with everyone,” Caleb suggested. There was a general murmuring of agreement around the table. He had everyone’s attention; he must have thought he might as well start. “As you know, my little brother is getting married tomorrow.”
There were several quiet cheers and whoops from Cade’s friends. Aiden grinned, and Cade blushed, looking like he wanted to bury himself under the table. “Don’t go on too much,” he protested, obviously uncomfortable at being the center of attention.
“This is just a preview of tomorrow’s speech,” Caleb said with a chuckle. “I just wanted to say, I’m glad you’re all here to celebrate with them. With us. And I know it means a lot to both Cade and Aiden to have their friends and family around them on a day like today – especially considering that not everyone is so accepting.”
There was an uncomfortable movement to my right, beyond Rowe. I tilted my head to see Keaton. His Dad never made it to his wedding. The dumb fucking homophobe hadn’t deserved an invite, anyway. Under the table, Olly had reached out to hold his hand. The gesture was like a fresh injection of pain directly to my heart.
Keaton was married. Happy. He had someone there to hold his hand through the hard moments. We were the same age, we’d come from the same place, the same high school, at one point even the same home. And what did I have?
Only myself, and I couldn’t even rely on that, because Xavi Mendez was nothing if not a fuck-up.
“Anyway, you all know I’ve been friends with Aiden for a long time, too, so I’m happy that I’m about to be able to call him my brother,” Caleb said. Maybe sensing that it was getting a little too emotional, he grinned widely. “Even if he is going to be breaking a lot of girls’ hearts!”
“Oh, man, shut up,” Aiden said, covering his face. One of the other football players – was it Davies, maybe? I still couldn’t remember for sure – started guffawing loudly.
