Finally, I accepted it.
A weekend – and nothing more. Because until Ace dealt with the pain that was still so obviously affecting everything he did, he wasn’t going to be able to live (or love) the way that he should.
“I know it’s hard,” I said, choosing my words carefully. “But you have to get comfortable with the past.”
“Comfortable?” Ace repeated, loudly enough that a couple of the others looked in our direction. “You think I could ever be comfortable with that?”
“If you want to be comfortable within yourself, you’ll have to be,” I said. I knew I was talking to myself, too. Only, in my case, the sins I had to forgive were my own – not the actions of others against me. “You have to move on from all of it. It doesn’t mean you think it was right or that it should have happened, but you have to get comfortable with your own self. That includes your history. Until you do that, you can’t ever be comfortable with someone else.”
There was a long silence. The fact that he didn’t immediately argue with me, or worse, told me that maybe I was on the right track. That he understood my subtext: maybe the whole reason why he couldn’t let anyone know we were sleeping together was that he was still so scared of being judged just for who he was, even though we were among friends who would have understood completely.
And maybe a part of that was my own fault with my own reputation, but it felt like a weight off my shoulders knowing that there were other things bringing him down as well. Not just me. It wasn’t just my fault.
He shifted on the lounger at last, and I could tell he was done thinking it through, for better or for worse.
“I will,” he said quietly before his tone switched into something more cheerful. “I can’t believe this is our last day here. It’s all gone so fast!”
“It has,” I nodded, looking up and around at our group. Scattered between sun loungers and splashing in the pool, we were together and yet moving as many individual parts. I had expected to be a complete outsider here this weekend. I hadn’t expected at all to be this close to Ace. To learn so much about him, to see past his ice-cold façade.
To fall for him.
“Only one night left,” Ace went on with a wistful tone, and I looked sideways. Our eyes met behind our sunglasses. Only one night left to enjoy each other – that was what he meant.
Fuck.
I got up and dropped my sunglasses on the lounger, intending to be a good person – to do the right thing.
And most of all, needing to hide the effect his words and the reminder hidden in them had on me.
I dove right into the pool, taking a couple of rapid paces before taking off and landing in the water, coming up near Olly. He was leading some kind of athletic game that I had no interest in taking part in, but I swam a quick half-length up and back, trying to clear my head and everything else.
When I got back to where I’d started, I looked up – and saw Ace watching me keenly. It looked like he hadn’t taken his eyes off me the whole time.
I watched as he reached down and adjusted the front of his shorts, a subtle gesture to anyone else that might have been about getting comfortable – but with his eyes locked on mine, I couldn’t avoid the meaning he was trying to convey.
Then he jerked his head to the side – in the direction of the entrance to the hotel and the rooms – and got up, walking away towards them.
He glanced back just once to check where I was, and I had never scrambled so fast to get out of a pool.
I practically raced back to the loungers, grabbed my sunglasses and towel, and sluiced off as much of the water as I could before his figure disappeared into the building. Then, not wanting to risk waiting any longer, I wrapped the towel around myself and made for the same entrance as fast as I could, ignoring everyone we were leaving behind.
The cool, darker interior of the hotel was nowhere near enough to dampen my excitement as I walked as fast as I could without actually breaking into a run. I saw Ace get into an elevator and finally did run, just making it inside in time before the doors slid shut.
I was already panting for breath when I turned to look at him – but when our eyes met, I could have had a heart attack.
Ace launched himself against me, flattening me against the side of the elevator as we rose through the levels to our room. His mouth was hot and needy, turning my blood to steam as his hands slipped inside the towel and around my hips, tugging at the wet fabric of my trunks.
The ding of the elevator as it stopped was almost a welcome relief from the heady rush, a moment to actually get some oxygen into my system and give my pounding heart a chance to catch up. By the time the doors opened, we were standing side by side calmly as if nothing had been happening at all – with the telltale exception of the fact that both of us stood with our hands crossed in front of our groins.
Ace moved out into the hall first and I thought we would make it like that all the way back to the room – but when he saw the hall was empty, he turned and grabbed me by the edges of my towel, pulling me closer to walk almost on top of him. One stumble and we would both have gone down, but he somehow managed to kiss me and walk backward and avoid my feet all at the same time, even though I could barely see straight.
We hadn’t even made it back to our door before he turned me and pushed me against the wall again. Ace knew what he wanted, at least when the two of us were alone, and when we were alone he wasn’t shy about taking it. His hands ran over the towel and then yanked it from my grasp, letting it fall to the floor. Somehow, even though I’d been standing by the pool wearing just these trunks only minutes ago, now it felt different.
Now, it felt exposed.
“We should go inside,” I managed to say between gasps and kisses, only because his mouth had trailed down the side of my neck.
“I’m getting the key out,” Ace said, although he sounded decidedly distracted by something else.
