“I’m sure you’ll get a chance,” he said, his tone as unreadable as his expression. “You ready to go?”
I paused. “Wait a second. There’s something I want to ask first.”
Ace looked up at me, tilting his head in a question. I crossed the room to stand in front of him, close enough to reach out and touch him – but I didn’t. Not yet.
“I, um.” I stopped and tried again. Why was I so damn nervous? “Look, you know about my history. How much of an asshole I was before.”
Ace shook his head. “Like I said, it doesn’t bother –”
“No, I know,” I said, cutting him off. “I just mean – I don’t ever want to be that person again. So that’s why I always want things to be clear, you know? Even if it’s awkward to talk about, I… I don’t want to have one impression of a situation, and you have a different impression, and we end up hurting each other.”
Ace lifted his chin slightly. “You mean, about what just happened?”
I nodded, swallowing and ducking my head. “I just… it doesn’t have to be formal, or anything. I just never want to be a cheat again, not even by accident through some kind of misunderstanding. Is… is this the start of something new, between us? Or just a one-off thing?”
My heart beat loud in my ears as I waited for him to answer. I tucked my hands into my pockets to hide the fact that they were shaking. There was a lump in my throat that told me this was more serious than I’d allowed myself to believe.
That I wanted him more badly than I’d realized.
And not just once – but maybe… maybe something real.
“Well, this trip lasts for the whole of the rest of the weekend, right?” Ace said, shrugging lightly. “Maybe this falls a little between the two options. Maybe this is a one-off thing that we can keep going until we fly home.”
“Until we fly home,” I repeated, feeling numb. “Right. Just something for now.”
“Right,” Ace nodded. “And no one else has to know about it.”
His last words stung a barb into my heart.
Of course.
No one had to know about it… because then they would know that Ace was sleeping withme. Asshole of the year. The one person everyone loved to hate. The slut who probably had a hundred diseases from sleeping with everyone under the sun.
Right – because no one in their right mind would ever want to be seen dead with me.
I cleared my throat and nodded. “Just between us,” I said.
I should have told him no there and then.
I should have said it was a one-time thing and it would stay a one-time thing, and maybe we should switch rooms after all so he could have his weekend fling with Xavi instead.
I should have said I was worth more than that, despite what everyone else thought. That I wasn’t doing one-time things anymore. That I wanted something real, and if he couldn’t give me it, he couldn’t have me at all.
I should have said I wasn’t his toy.
But I was weak, and I wanted to feel his kiss again, and so I just nodded dumbly and turned towards the door.
“Let’s get to dinner before all the good seats are gone,” he said, and I had never been happier for an excuse to walk single file down a hallway with no one to see my face.
Ace
The good seats were, mostly, taken, as it turned out.
“Hey, Ace!” Aiden cheered, getting up from his chair as we walked over. “Oh, man. How’s your ear?”
“I’m so sorry, dude,” one of Olly’s friends said. I realized he must have been the one who hit me. “You didn’t have any real damage, right?”
I waved off their concern. “It’s okay,” I said. “I didn’t go to the hospital or anything. I just rested in the room.”
