I tried to fill in the blanks and failed. “Wondering what?”
Ace finally lifted his head, but his eyes were filled with malice – a dark shine in them as he stared at me. “Don’t play dumb,” he said bitterly. “You probably wondered, too.”
I stared at him, wondering what I was being so naïve or blind to miss. “Uh… I don’t…”
“About whether what they say about Asians is true – and whether it applies to me.”
“Oh,” I said. Then I actually figured out what he meant. “OH. About your…”
“Yeah, the size of my dick,” Ace said bluntly. His voice was so full of bitterness that I knew this wasn’t just a light thing. He’d obviously held onto this insecurity for a long time – maybe since he was old enough to even have any awareness of that kind of thing.
And I wasn’t going to try and tell him no one would be thinking that, either. I didn’t know what it was like to look different from others. My family history was American as far back as we could trace it and undoubtedly white before that – not a hint of anything else in my blood. I could never relate to what he must have been through just because of his race, and I wasn’t going to try and pretend I could.
“If it helps,” I said, with a careful tone that let him know I didn’t honestly think it would. “As a gay man, I can confidently tell you that I’m going to be wondering about the size ofeveryone’sdick.”
Ace gave a quick burst of bitter laughter – but it was laughter, all the same. He wiped a hand over his face but didn’t cover his eyes again. “No, that doesn’t help.”
“I know.” I sighed. I wished there was something I could say. How did you comfort someone when their fears were, basically and inevitably, correct? “I don’t know how to help. Except to say that if someone says anything to you or even looks at you funny, I’ll have your back. Like how you had mine with Xavi.”
Ace drew a deep sigh. “Even though you only just got everyone back on your side?”
“Even so,” I nodded with a smile. “I wouldn’t be doing much to back up my new nice guy image if I just let people treat you that way.”
Ace nodded slowly like he was starting to believe in what I said.
“You don’t have to take part in it all if you don’t want to,” I pointed out. “You can just sit back by the pool and read a book, or something. I’ll even sit next to you.”
“I want to take part,” Ace said plaintively. “I like pools.”
That made more sense to me than I wanted to admit. I remembered his body flowing up against mine, his kiss crashing against my mouth like water, and tried not to shiver. “Then, let’s get changed,” I said decisively. I stood up, bracing my hands on my thighs to push myself upwards. “Come on. Everyone else is probably on their way down there, already.”
That seemed to galvanize Ace into action. He grabbed a pair of red shorts from his suitcase and disappeared into the bathroom, locking the door behind him.
I figured waiting for him to emerge and then leaving him alone with a mirror and his insecurities would be a bad idea, so I grabbed my own black trunks and changed as fast as I could. Still, I was sliding them up my body – thankfully with my back to the door – when I heard the bathroom lock disengage.
I yanked them up as fast as I could, but from his embarrassed little cough, I knew Ace had probably seen more than I’d bargained for.
“Hey,” I said, turning around. I knew my cheeks would be a little heated, but I tried to ignore it. I kept my eyes on his face and refused to look down – I didn’t want him to think that in spite of everything, I was sizing him up, too. “Ready to go?”
He didn’t do me the same favor. Instead, he looked me up and down – and then, unexpectedly, his face seemed to crumple. “I don’t know what I’m doing,” he said, hugging his arms across his chest again.
“Hey,” I told him, gentler this time. I closed the distance between us and took his hands, pulling them away from his body so that he didn’t feel so closed off. “Hey, now. You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do. But if you love being in the pool, you shouldn’t let your insecurities or fears about other people stop you from getting the chance to enjoy that.”
“It’s easy for you to say,” he said, and his gaze swept over me again. He wasn’t subtle about it in the least. His eyes lingered on my trunks for a moment – they were tight, stretchy fabric, which I was now slightly regretting if it made him uncomfortable – before flicking frankly back up to my face. “You don’t have anything to worry about.”
I suppressed a laugh. Wasn’t he a hypocrite for checking me out so blatantly, when he was worried about other people doing that for him? “Neither do you,” I said, keeping my eyes on his face. “I haven’t looked, but I don’t need to. I’ve seen your body – and your tattoos. That’s what everyone’s going to be staring at.”
“Why?” he scowled. “Because they’re judging me for that, too?”
“No,” I told him, keeping my voice serious so he would know I wasn’t just playing. “Because you’re damn hot.”
He blinked. “Oh.”
I bit my lip and glanced down, just as far as his chest and no lower. “Damnhot,” I repeated, just to make sure he got the point.
Ace cleared his throat, but he shifted and I thought he stood a little taller. “Alright,” he said. “Let’s get this over with.”
Only, as I followed him to the door with a secret smile on my face, I thought maybe I’d managed to cheer him up enough that he wasn’t just trying to get it over with at all. Maybe he was actually looking forward to it.
