“Hey, Cade,” I said. I kept my voice casual and light but pitched it so other people would be able to hear. I didn’t want to shout or make an announcement, but this wasn’t going to make much difference if no one else noticed I was doing it. “I wanted to say something real quick.”
“Oh?” Cade asked. He put down his glass of orange juice and turned slightly in his chair to look at me. We’d been close for a long time, back then. He probably knew enough to read me still to know that I was serious.
“I know it’s been a few years, and there’s been water under the bridge, but…” I hesitated, looking down at my own hand on the tablecloth for a moment as I gathered my words. “What I did to you, back then. Every year I get older, I regret it more. I hope you know I’m truly sorry for the hurt I caused.”
Cade’s eyes softened. “I know it,” he said. He reached out and patted my arm – not quite grabbing my hand, but still a gesture of solidarity. “I know. You’re a different person now than you were then. It still hurt, and hearing you say that doesn’t change what happened, but I forgave you a long time ago.”
“I never feel like it’s enough,” I said. “I’ve changed so much. I don’t even recognize the person that did those things. But I’m him, and… I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to express exactly how sorry I am.”
“You don’t recognize him because you’re not him,” Cade said wisely. “You’re a different person now. You don’t deserve the hate you still get for that video.”
I nodded slowly. I was dimly aware that everyone else around the table had stopped talking. They were listening. On the other side of Cade, I could only see Aiden’s hands; they were clenched around his glass, and from the whiteness of his knuckles, for a moment I was afraid he was going to shatter it.
He was always going to have a problem with me, probably. Not only was I the person who had hurt the man he loved more than anything, but given that Cade had forgiven me, I was also a threat. He was always going to be just a little bit worried that Cade and I would want to get back together.
That wasn’t going to happen. I’d caused too much damage there. Even though Cade treated me as a friend, I knew that under the surface, he still held me at arm’s length. He would never trust me with his heart again. And truthfully, I didn’t want it.
I had never really wanted it in the first place. That had been the problem all along.
“You know,” Keaton said, making me look up. He was sitting opposite me, and clearly he’d been listening in as much as everyone else had been. “You surprise me all the time, Brody. I don’t think many people would be able to do what you did.”
“Apologize?” I asked, frowning. “It’s the least I can do.”
“No – sit here next to Cade, and Aiden, and all of Cade’s friends,” Keaton said, waving his fork a little as he spoke. “I was always so impressed by the fact that you came over to sit with us that first time and met us all, even though the only thing we knew about you was, well…”
“The video,” I acknowledged. There was no point hiding from the elephant in the room. Half of the people in the hotel had probably seen it, staff and strangers included. That was the problem with going viral.
“And what came before it,” Keaton added, reminding me even more of the person I had been. I ducked my head. “But you had the guts to face us all, anyway. I admired it then and I admire it now. Out of anyone I’ve ever met, you’ve had the biggest transformation. You’re probably more mature than any of us at this point.”
I flashed him a gentle smile. I was grateful to him for speaking up like that. We were here to celebrate Olly and Keaton, after all – and people here respected and listened to what Keaton said. “Are you sure? Shouldn’t the two people who are about to get married be the most mature?”
Keaton chuckled at that, and so did a few others around the table. “We should be, but that doesn’t mean we are.”
“Come on,” Ace said. “You’re not mature? So, you’re not the same Keaton I know who has an itemized schedule for every day of his life, with health and safety precautions added on special tabs?”
Keaton got a sheepish, guilty look on his face – and reached down to pull a small, ring-bound stack of printed papers out of his bag, completed with a laminated first page and colored tabs.
The whole table burst into laughter, and I felt a weight lifting off my chest. I hadn’t even realized how little I had been able to breathe until now, but it was done. I’d said it and Cade and Keaton had both accepted me. Everyone had heard.
That had to change something.
“What’s in store today, then?” Ace asked. The sound of his voice made my heart beat faster in my chest. Did he realize or remember that it was his suggestion that had just saved me?
“Well, I thought we might go to the pool,” Keaton said, to resounding cheers from everyone – including me. A day by the pool sounded relaxing, fun, and definitely hangover-friendly. Even if I felt a lot better after my super special smoothie, I knew I was still going to be somewhat delicate for most of the day any time my blood sugar or hydration levels dipped even slightly.
Everyone started gathering themselves to go. The consensus was reached pretty quickly that we’d head back to our rooms, get changed, and then regroup at the pool. I stood and stretched, feeling like a new man.
“Hey,” Xavi said, sidling up to my elbow. “Need any help finding your swim shorts, stud?”
I blinked. “Not really,” was all I managed to say. I wished I could have been witty at that moment, but my mind truly went blank.
Last night… I might have considered it. Ididconsider it, last time he tried to hit on me. If I hadn’t kissed Ace…
But I had.
And I remembered how he tasted.
I turned away from Xavi, intending to shut him down completely and show him once and for all that his flirting wasn’t going to get him anywhere.
