Of course, it would also be a reminder of the time Cade and I had spent together. Maybe, in a few months when the memories had faded a little, I wouldn’t be against eating one of them again after all.
Cade was nervous, stalking around the room and checking things, rifling through shelves, and looking under things to make sure he had gathered everything. His bags were a lot more loaded than mine were, and there were more of them. I remembered him nearly dropping them all when he first came into the cabin.
“We might not be able to take everything back with us,” I said, thinking it was best to broach the subject now.
“I know,” Cade snapped. “I’m trying to figure out which of my textbooks were the most expensive and which ones I can afford to leave behind.”
I looked down at my own bag. I was going to have to take out some of my clothes, but… “I can make space for a couple.”
“No,” Cade said, shaking his head distractedly. The fire threw his shadow on the wall behind him, leaping and stretching. It looked a lot more lively than he did. His muscles were strained, his fists clenched. Was he just stressed out about the books? Worried that our rescue might not go well?
There was another noise from above us, much closer this time, and I flinched. I looked up at the ceiling, but there was still nothing out there – no sign or indication of anything other than the noise. They might be right above us or a mile up in the snow; there was no way for us to tell.
“Just give them over here,” I said.
“It’s my responsibility,” Cade argued. Why was he being so stubborn about this?
Was he really so keen to avoid being seen with me at all up there that he didn’t even want me to pack a couple of books for him?
I swallowed hard at the thought.
“We should put the beds back to the sides of the room,” Cade said sharply. He turned and began pushing his own without waiting for a response. I didn’t even have time to ask him why. There was a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach.
We hadn’t had a chance to talk about it. He was erasing every sign of what had happened down here. Trying to make it so that no one would ever even guess we had been together. I pushed my bed against the wall it had originally rested on, the sound of the feet scraping against the wooden floor grating in my ears. This wasn’t right.
We needed to talk.
There were two things that could be behind this. I could see that, but I didn’t know which one of them it was.
The first possibility was that he didn’t want to be seen with me. That he was hoping he could get back with his ex still, or that he just didn’t think I was his type. This had been just a fling to pass the time for him and that was all. He wanted this to be over and he didn’t want to have an awkward conversation about it – or to even think about it again up there.
The second possibility was that he thoughtIfelt that way. That I wouldn’t want to risk my football career or my friendship with Caleb, who was on my team, over a little fling that happened because we were stuck with nothing else to do.
It wasn’t like that for me.
It was so far away from that, it almost made me want to laugh – though not in a funny way.
We had to talk. Even if it was going to be painful or uncomfortable, we needed to get this out – because I had to know which one it was.
“Red,” I said, my voice a little hoarse. Part of me was afraid that it was going to be the first one, and I was about to get my heart ripped out.
“You should probably call me Cade,” he said without looking at me. “You know. When we’re out there.”
That was a harder punch to the gut than I had been expecting.
The question remained, though: why?
And was there anything I could say or do to get him to change his mind?
“Red,” I said again, stubbornly. He needed to let me make my point.
“It was good,” Cade said. He looked at me but only for a second, like he’d thought he could face me but couldn’t. I noticed he’d arranged the collar of his shirt so that it covered the mark I’d left on his neck. “While we were down here. But we’re leaving now. It’s all going to be different. We don’t have to say anything about it ever again.”
“I –” I started, but a noise from above cut me off.
Noise – and light.
I couldn’t believe it. There was light streaming in from above us – so bright that I had to shield my eyes and look down. With it came so much noise all of a sudden – creaking and banging and voices up ahead.
