Between the loneliness and not having anyone actually friendly to talk to, this was shaping up to be one hell of a long weekend.
Cade
I swallowed hard. The sound of voices carried to me on the wind, but knowing they were there made me even less inclined to get up and go over to them.
While I was hidden over here alone, I was safe.
No one could mock me. No one could hurt me. No one could make me fall in love with them, pull my heart out of my chest, stamp on it, and then go off with another guy.
Okay, that was a really specific thing to watch out for, but I had my reasons.
Footsteps crunching through the snow nearby made me turn and look up. There was only one person I knew who could make footsteps that loud.
Yep: my giant brother, Caleb. I looked up to see his face ruddy with the cold, but nonetheless grinning. He kicked a chunk of snow at me with one of his last steps, making it pitch up against the side of my coat.
“What are you doing, sitting out here in the snow on your own?” he asked.
“I’m not,” I said absent-mindedly, turning to look out at the view down the mountain again. We were only halfway to the peak here, but the view was still spectacular. “I’m sitting on a boulder.”
Caleb nudged me with his leg, almost hard enough to knock me to the ground. I took the hint and scrambled over so he could sit next to me. “You not ready to go meet everyone yet?” he asked quietly.
I glanced up. He was looking at the view now, but I knew he wasn’t really seeing it. He was worried about me. I sighed and looked down. I had to stop worrying everyone. “I’ll come,” I said, though he could probably hear my heart wasn’t really in it.
“We can take a minute,” Caleb said.
“Aubrey’s here?” I asked.
Caleb nodded silently. I was keeping him away from his girlfriend. They went to different colleges, and even though they took every opportunity to see one another, I knew it wasn’t enough. I was keeping him from her by being selfish.
“Let’s go, then,” I said, trying to fake the enthusiasm as I got up. “I haven’t seen her in ages.”
Caleb seemed to accept the façade I was putting on and set off to lead the way. That was the problem. I was getting too good at putting on the façade, and people weren’t seeing through it anymore.
Or maybe the problem was that I shouldn’t have had to wear it by now. Brody broke my heart in May. I shouldn’t have still been crying over him in December.
Yet, here we were.
I trudged after Caleb through the snow; it was tightly packed closer to the chalets, but at the edge of the mountainside, where I’d found my spot to sit and wait, it was thick and deep. I tried to step in Caleb’s footsteps, but his stride was just slightly too long for me.
And if that wasn’t a metaphor for our brotherly relationship, I didn’t know what was.
I looked back towards the cabins, taking in the layout. There were six of them, ranging from the top of the small valley we were in to the bottom, arranged in pairs facing one another. It looked cozy. Our cars were parked right at the top of the slope, which was thoughtful – we could walk down to the chalets with all our heavy bags and supplies, and back up to the cars once the bags and supplies were used up and lighter.
“Hey, guys,” Caleb called out, and I tensed as the whole group standing by the cars turned to look at me. Oh, no. I hated it when people looked at me. “This is my brother, Cade.”
“Hi, everyone,” I said weakly, lifting a hand.
“I’m Keaton,” the slimmer guy with the dark, curly hair next to us said, stepping closer right away to shake my hand. He had a nice smile and kind eyes, but I remembered he was the one who had sent me all the details. He was very much taken, from what Caleb had told me.
“Olly,” the tall footballer type next to him said, and by the way they settled back against each other once he was done shaking my hand, I knew they were a couple.
A cute couple, and it was undeniably nice to see a group of sports bros who were cool with their friend being openly gay and in love. But, still. A couple. Which only reminded me of the fact that I was no longer in one.
“I’m Ace,” the one with the long hair said, stepping forward to clap my hand sideways. I almost stumbled, expecting a handshake and having to change my momentum at the last second. He gave me a look up and down that I thought was kind of hungry. It made me shiver.
Could I move on? Could I find someone here?
Even something casual?
