“I wanted to protect you,” I said. I looked right into his face. “In case it happened again. I wanted to do the right thing this time. Keep you safe.”
Something in Keaton’s face crumbled slightly. Like he wasn’t able to stay as mad at me as he wanted to. But he still wanted to.
“You lied to me, all this time,” he said.
I took a breath. “Not lied,” I said. “Didn’t tell. And I know it’s not exactly better. Didn’t want you to throw me out.”
Keaton made a frustrated sound. “That’s not a good enough reason.”
“I know.” My throat was dry. “Don’t have an excuse. Everything got… complicated. And then… last night.”
“I kind of thought you might not remember,” Keaton admitted. “You were really drunk.”
“Not exactly drunk,” I pointed out. “I think it was because of the pills.”
Keaton nodded. “I told you not to drink.”
“You were right,” I said. “I just didn’t know what to do. I was confused. So I wanted the beer.”
Keaton’s brow creased. With his glasses on, his curly hair a mess over his forehead, and that look, he was adorable.
Which was exactly the kind of thing that had me confused.
“What were you confused about?” Keaton asked as if he could read my mind.
I bit my lip for a moment. How much did I want to say? How could I even say it? There were so many thoughts swirling around in my head. I couldn’t tell him about how I wanted to smooth his hair off his forehead. I couldn’t say I wanted to cuddle up with him on the bed and watch horror movies every night. I couldn’t put into words what it was that made me want to kiss him all the time. To touch him.
“Everything,” I said eventually, which was the closest to the full truth that I could manage.
Keaton sighed. He sat down on the edge of his bed so we were facing one another. He folded his arms over his chest.
“What happened?” I asked. I could see he’d been tugging at his hair when he went out. He looked stressed. And he never usually got that angry. Admittedly, I’d never used his email account before. But I didn’t think it was just that.
“My Dad,” he said. He dropped his head between his hands, sighing deeply.
“What?” I asked. Just that much didn’t give me any real information to go off.
Keaton looked up and scowled at me. “It’s personal.”
I swallowed. That hurt, but it was fair. “Okay.”
Keaton groaned and threw himself back on the bed. His head hit the duvet while his feet remained on the floor. Whatever it was, it sounded bad.
“I can listen if you want,” I said. I cleared my throat in the silence. “I’m not really great at talking but I can listen.”
Keaton sighed noisily.
I got up, hopping for a second as I got my crutches under my legs. I walked over to him and sat down on the edge of the bed beside him. He didn’t tell me to go away or push me. I took that as a good sign to continue. “I have nothing else to do,” I offered. “And you helped me a lot. I’d like to help you.”
Keaton rubbed his hands over his face, knocking his glasses up out of the face onto his forehead. “I haven’t forgiven you for the email or the room yet. And I don’t think anyone can help me,” he said, his voice muffled.
“Even if I can’t do something to help,” I said. “Maybe talking it over will help you feel better. And I really am sorry. If you want, I’ll email the Dean and tell him it was me. Then you can still move rooms.”
Keaton sighed again. My heart beat rapidly in my chest. He wasn’t going to accept, right? If he wanted me to, I really would do it. I just… I didn’t want to. I didn’t want to lose him.
I wanted him to want to talk to me again. I wanted things to go back to how they were. To forget about the kiss and the email. To just keep the status quo. That had been comfortable enough for me, in the end.
“Don’t bother,” Keaton said. I didn’t know whether that meant he was still going to tell the Dean himself. For now, I would take it. He took his hands away from his face. “My Dad’s an asshole.”
