“No,” Clara said. She cleared her throat. I got the impression she was trying to stay calm to get through the story. “He’s gone.”
“Gone where?” I asked. I widened my eyes as I realized the other horrifying meaning behind the wordgone. He wasn’t…?
“I don’t know,” she said, slowing down my pattering heart – but only for a moment. “He ran off with the car when Mom told him to get out and never come back.”
“Shit.” I was glad I was already sitting down. “What happened? Start at the beginning.”
“Mom got your letter,” Clara started, and I closed my eyes. Oh no. What had I done? “She read it and she told Dad she wanted to get back in touch with you. That’s when it all started to kick off.”
“Oh, god,” I said out loud. “I’m so sorry.”
“It wasn’t your fault,” Clara said. “It really wasn’t, Keat. This has been building for a long while. Dad had already been drinking.”
“Wait, when did this happen?” I asked.
“Last night,” Clara replied. She carried on fast before I could interrupt. “Before you say anything, I was so tired last night we just went to bed. I wanted to tell you right away, but we were just exhausted. That’s why I’m calling you now.”
“Okay,” I said, squeezing my eyes shut again so I could hold off the urge to say anything else. I needed to know the full story first. “So, he’d been drinking.”
“After he and Mom got into the fight, he carried on drinking more and more,” Clara said. “Then he just went for her.”
“Went for who?” I said with alarm. “What do you mean, went for?”
“He attacked Mom,” Clara said, three words that sent a shiver down my spine and had me leaping to my feet with my spare hand clenched into a fist. “He hit her in the face and pushed her against the wall. I tried to get between them and he pushed me to the ground, too.”
“Clara…” I said. I started pacing up and down. I needed to go, now. I needed to be with them. I needed to keep them safe.
And yet what could I do, thin, nerdy, weak little gay boy? I had nothing. All I could do was get beaten down beside them. All I’d ever done was get beaten down, and I already knew my Dad could beat me in a fight. He’d done it once before, on the day he threw me out.
“It’s okay,” Clara said. “We’ve got it under control here, Keat. You don’t need to come back home.”
“But he could come back and hurt you,” I said. I could barely contain myself. What was I going to do? I had class tomorrow – I was going to have to skip it. It would take me the best part of the rest of today to get back home, and then I’d have a chance to call round my professors and let them know I’d be away for a week. Maybe two weeks. Maybe I’d have to defer the rest of the year.
“No, he can’t,” Clara said. “Mom already got someone in to change the locks. She’s been in touch with the police as well so they know he’s not to come near us, and a lawyer. I think she’s going to file for divorce as soon as she can. And, Keat, we don’t want you to get hurt again. We talked it over before I called – we don’t want you to come back. If you do, and you get in his way… I don’t want to lose my brother, Keat.”
My head was reeling. I paced back and forth continuously, reaching up to drag a hand through my messy curls. “I don’t know what to do, Clar.” Wasn’t I supposed to be the big brother? It was my job to protect her and Mom.
“You don’t have to do anything,” she said and sighed. “I just wanted you to know what happened. We’re okay. I promise. If you want, you can come up next weekend, but Mom said it’s better if you don’t. She said she doesn’t know what Dad would do if he saw you in town. She wants us both to come and visit you sometime soon instead.”
I nodded and swallowed. Mom wanted to visit me. That was a good start, wasn’t it? “But you don’t know where Dad is?”
“We don’t care,” Clara said. There was a hard line to her voice that I had never heard before. “After what he did, I don’t care if I never see him again. It was bad enough that he did it to you. When it seemed like just a one-off, just a crazy moment, it was somehow easier to cope with. But this is twice now. Mom doesn’t feel safe around him anymore and she doesn’t think I’m safe either, and I agree with her. It’s over. He’s not coming back ever again.”
I nodded to myself, trying to take it all in. “Are you sure you’re safe?”
“If he tries to come anywhere near us, we’ll call the police,” Clara assured me. “I’m telling the school tomorrow so they know he’s not allowed onto the grounds.”
I nodded again.
What was I supposed to do?
What could I do from here?
My sister and my Mom… the thought of them getting hurt made my heart ache. I was Clara’s big brother. I was supposed to look out for her. Protect her.
I wasn’t supposed to be miles away, hiding at college, when everything went bad.
But at the same time, they were right. It had been bad enough last time. I knew what it was like to get beaten badly. I knew how strong I was – and exactly how strong I wasn’t.
