I was probably the only one sitting awake stewing over this.
Did he even think about it before he moved? He must have realized at some level what it would mean to me. He knew I was gay. He knew that kissing me wasn’t just like, accidentally kissing one of his straight teammates and then being able to laugh about it later. He had to have known that I would react to it.
Unless he wasn’t thinking at all and the alcohol and pills had just taken over his brain.
I rolled back to face the wall. I would have to deal with this in the morning after some sleep. If I could manage to sleep at all, that was.
I faced the wall and tried not to think about how, before it was interrupted and everything got way more complicated, the kiss he gave me was spine-tinglingly good. Like the kind of good kiss that could get me hard in an instant. The kind of kiss that had me thinking about ripping his clothes off and crawling all over him.
I tried not to think about how that amazing kiss was probably the only one I was ever going to get from him, and I was just going to have to live with the memory forever.
Olly
I woke up and opened my eyes. I immediately wished I hadn’t.
I didn’t move right away, freezing still and staring at the wall. The light of the sun was hitting it which meant that it was definitely morning. My head throbbed as the light made contact with my eyes. My alarm hadn’t gone off, but then I probably hadn’t remembered to set it last night. Thankfully, I knew I had nothing to do today. No classes. No practice.
No reason to get out of the room and avoid Keaton.
I tried to listen without making it obvious that I was awake. I couldn’t hear anything from his side of the room. Maybe he was still asleep.
I carefully and slowly rolled to check –
And saw him looking straight back at me.
For a moment we did nothing more than stare at each other.
I blinked and then sat up, rolling my neck. I was stiff where I’d stayed in the same position all night. My head throbbed all the more with the motion. I had the hangover from hell, for sure. I’d been dreading facing Keaton, but now I saw him, I knew it was necessary. We needed to talk. We had to discuss what had happened last night and what it meant.
Most of all, I wanted to talk about the fact that I wanted to do it again. And that I had no idea what that meant, because I was straight, wasn’t I?
Wasn’t I?
“Morning,” I said. Keaton hadn’t said a word yet. He was staring at his laptop – or maybe pretending to.
“Hi,” he said. He made a quick movement and stood up from the desk. I saw he was already fully dressed. He must have snuck around this morning so carefully to avoid waking me up. “I’m going out.”
“You don’t have to,” I tried to say. If he was leaving to get away from me, I didn’t want him to. I wanted him to feel comfortable here. This was his room as much as mine. Even if he didn’t want to kiss me again…
“I have to get to the film lab and do some edits,” he said. He was packing up the video camera and unplugging his laptop. His back was to me. Like he didn’t want to look at me. “I’m not coming back until late.”
“Okay,” I said. I didn’t know what else I was supposed to say. If he was busy, that was fine. Maybe we could talk when he got back. I started to get up and then winced. I fell back onto the bed with a thump. I’d forgotten about my foot. On top of that, my head just kept swirling.
“You alright?” Keaton asked. He was looking at me with concern but also reluctance. He didn’t want to help me. He just knew that he was supposed to.
“I’m fine,” I lied. I had to let him go. “Maybe when you get back -”
His phone rang in his hand. “I’d better get this,” he said before he’d even looked at the caller ID. Then he did and his face creased in concern even more. He rushed out of the room without so much as another word.
I closed my mouth as I realized I wasn’t going to get a chance to finish the sentence.
Now that I was alone in the room I let out a breath and dropped my face into my hands. I leaned my elbows on my knees for support. What a mess. I’d made a huge mistake last night. Keaton was so distant and weird. He probably didn’t ever want to speak to me again.
I’d gone way too far. There were probably other ways I could have done it. Just expressed my gratitude and left it at that. Or I could have told him I was having weird feelings I didn’t understand. Only I wasn’t exactly known for talking about my feelings. I didn’t have a lot of practice.
I scrubbed my hands over my face and looked up. There was a glass of water on my nightstand that I didn’t remember putting there. I took it and drank it down gratefully. Either he still cared enough to get me something to drink or he just wanted me not to throw up. The banging in my head subsided a little as I hydrated. That and some food might help me feel normal again.
I glanced around the room. I probably just had to carry on as normal.
