His forehead presses to mine. He locks his eyes on mine, intentional and true, and it’s a look that could bring me to my knees.
Without breaking eye contact, he reaches into the trunk, grabs the bag and drops it on the driveaway. He shuts the trunk, the sound of it latching making my heart squeeze. I feel like I can catch my breath.
“Okay,” he agrees. “I won’t run.”
“You won’t?”
“How could I when I have my very own human version of sunshine telling me she loves me?” It’s like he’s trying to make a joke, make light of the heavy words we’ve exchanged, but I see right through it.
He grabs a bag, I take the other, and then he grabs my hand. Colson squeezes it once before we walk back to the house.
It feels like my heart might trip over itself. Because under the most beautiful sunset, one I never even planned to see, it feels like my key finally found the lock it fits in.
The truth is clear and promising: I love Colson. And he loves me back.
forty-nine
Colson
“Youcan’tleave,”Sadiesays for what feels like the tenth time since I’ve dropped my bags.
I don’t answer right away. My house feels different with her in it—smaller somehow, like the walls are listening. Her shoes sit by the door as if they belong there. She holds my hand like she’s afraid if she lets go, I’ll be back out to the car.
Fuck, the guilt creeps up. Even when I was considering leaving as a viable option, part of me knew it was bullshit. I wouldn’t feel great about doing it but watching that parent put Sadie on the spot for something I did? Well, I didn’t do it. But it feels like this is still my fault.
We’ll figure it out. I keep telling myself that. We have to.
Sadie’s standing in the middle of my living room, arms folded like she’s bracing herself, waiting for me to change my mind. Her eyes search my face, steady and hopeful and terrifying all at once.
“You can quit watching the door. I’m not going to leave,” I try to tease as I close the steps between us.
“I really want you to stay.” Sadie taps her foot, watching it, before catching my glance at the last moment.
My hands cover hers, which are clasped like she’s trying to hold herself together.
“I know. I’m here.”
She nods like she’s trying to believe me. “I just… everything with Nick? That’s not on you. Or me. That’s on him. And I can’t let him take any more of me.” Her words hit me as she almost runs out of breath. “He’s taken enough. He doesn’t get this.”
Sadie lifts her hands until they’re in front of us. I still hold onto hers, feeling the faint tremble of her fingers. Her wide eyes are a deep amber, darker than I’ve seen before.
Fuck.
“You’re right. He doesn’t.” I let the words fall from my mouth before I kiss her. I feel her melt into me and it makes me feel worse about my lapse in judgement. Especially when I’m this lucky.
To know her. To fall in love with her.
“Honestly, I’ve been waiting for the reason why this won’t work. That’s been my norm. Losing my mom in a matter of months. The injury. The fall out with the team. And when I saw that parent looking at you, that picture of me, it felt like the reason. The universe being like… ‘told you so.’ I panicked. And I’m sorry.”
Her voice is soft when she says, “I get it. Really I do. But, believe me when I say you have nothing to be sorry for. You were there for me in a way that no one will ever understand.”
She leans in and puts her lips to mine. This kiss is slow and patient. It’s as if I’m trying to kiss the doubt away. Maybe I am? When she stops shaking, I pull away and take a few strands of her golden hair, rubbing it between my fingers.
“I could say the very same thing about you. You’ve shown up for me since I arrived here. And you didn’t have to do that.”
Sadie nods in understanding.
“I love you,” I repeat, quietly but without hesitation. “I mean it.” The words feel solid. True. Like something I’ve been carrying and finally set down. They feel good to say.
