“Wait,” I interrupted, the room tilting. For a split second I thought I might be sick. “Youtookme?”
“Isavedyou.” Mum clenched her jaw, that familiar air of superiority creeping in. “I had no choice but to take you because if I hadn’t, you would’ve been hurt. You should be more grateful.”
“Grateful that you’ve lied to me my entire life?” I was beyond being calm. I needed to move, to do something—anything to bleed out the sudden energy buzzing under my skin as my world came apart.
“You don’t understand,” mum barked as she stood.
“No… no,youdon’t understand.” The words splintered as they left me. “How can I… I don’t know.” I was struggling to calm down. “You lied to me this entire time, and I can’t?—”
“Violet…”
“You’re my mum, and I…” I didn’t know what to think. I felt like I was drowning, and I didn’t know which way was up. My pulse roared in my ears, and I tried to draw in a breath, but it hitched halfway, sharp and useless. Panic surged in response.
She’d lied to me my entire life.
“Violet, please…”
Who the fuck was I?
Who the fuck wasshe?
“I had to, I had no choice!” Nails dug into my arm, the grip sharp enough to jolt me back into focus, forcing my gaze to hers. “They were beginning to look at you like they looked at me.”
It took a moment for her words to register. I blinked up at her through blurred, stinging eyes, trying to make sense of her expression. Of the fear carved so deeply into her face.
She wasn’t merely distraught. She looked fractured, broken in a way I’d never seen before, far worse than any episode she’d ever had. And that was the problem. She wasn’t having an episode; every word was clear of the demons that usually haunted her.
“And how did they look at you?” I asked, my voice cracking.
Her eyes were soft, sad. “Like I was nothing but a hole to use.”
The anger drained out of me all at once, leaving nothing but a hollow, echoing ache.
“You were just a baby,” she continued, her voice tight. “A toddler, and they started to look at you like… and I overheard they were…” She cleared her throat, as if it pained her to speak. “So I took you with me. And we’ve been running ever since.”
I swallowed, my hands shaking until I clenched them into fists. “Who are you really?”
Mum looked away, taking a moment to respond. “I’m no one. I’m as good as dead.”
Unlike mine, her hand was steady when she reached over to tuck a strand of hair behind my ear. Warm and familiar.
She murmured, “I died when my own mother sold me to them at just ten years old. I died when they trained me, with the intention of selling me to the highest bidder.”
Every word was another knife to my heart. “Mum…”
“I died a hundred times over when I realised I wasn’t the only girl, or boy. So yes, I took you when I escaped.”
She looked at me expectantly, waiting for a response I didn’t know how to give.
“Why didn’t you ever tell me this?” I finally settled on.
Mum closed her eyes, drawing in a slow, unsteady breath. “Because why would you believe me when the doctors didn’t? When they made me feel like it was all in my head?” Her eyes opened, tears glistening. “But it’s not, Violet.”
I sucked in a sob, forcing it back as my mind raced over her words to try and understand them. Mum had kept this secret for so long that it had broken her.
The anger I’d been clinging to began to falter, thinning into something heavier and more complicated. Her explanation didn’t erase what she’d done; it just made it more painful. “I believe you, mum,” I said at last.
Her smile trembled as she reached down for the chain, drawing the necklace up between us. “We’ve been runningfor so many years, my flower. I’m sorry I wasn’t strong enough to save us.”
