“I can’t.” His voice wavered, but I refused to acknowledge it.
“God, what’s wrong with you?”
He let out a short, broken laugh. “Where do I start?” He finally released me, though he didn’t step back. “Did you know I killed my first man when I was twelve?”
I went still, the confession catching me off guard.
“I was so scared. I shook so fucking hard that Roman had to hold my arm steady.” Each word came out flat, stripped of emotion. “Want to know why I did it?”
I waited, not because I didn’t have an answer, butbecause for once the words had jammed somewhere in my throat.
“Violet,” he said calmly, “do you want to know why?”
I still couldn’t speak, so I dipped my head in a nod.
“Because he wouldn’t take no for an answer.”
My stomach clenched, and I pressed my back against the bark just to feel it cut into my skin.
Ryder stepped closer, his palm flattening against the tree just above my head, closing the distance between us.“You see,” he said quietly,“thieving wasn’t paying the bills. Not with mum’s habit. And she wasn’t exactly looking her best anymore, you know?” His eyes stayed fixed on mine. “So some of her clients started looking for something… younger.”
“Stop,” I whispered, revulsion clutching me in a vice, but he kept going.
“Do you know how hard it is to fight off an adult as a child?” He frowned, thumb reaching up to brush away a tear I hadn’t realised had fallen. “It’s fucking impossible.”
“Stop,” I said again, weaker this time.
“Why? Is this too fucking real for you?” he asked, anger cracking through his calm like lightning. “I was hurt. Repeatedly. Brutally. Put on my knees and forced to do things that almost broke me. It’s why I promised myself I’d never again get on my knees for anyone. That I’d never give anyone else control over my body. Not even for a kiss, because that would drag me back to being that powerless kid.”
My heart twisted, my body trembling as his words sank in. “Ryder, why are you telling me this?” I whispered.
“Because you’veruinedme!” His exhale was harsh, his frown deepening even as his lips hovered dangerously close to mine. “You called me heartless, and maybe you’re right. But I don’t know if I want to be anymore. Not for you.”
His fingers moved to cup my jaw, and I found that despite my anger, I wanted him to kiss me. To use my lips to somehow fix the fractured look in his gaze.
I’d never seen him so close to breaking, like the smallest touch could shatter him.
“I fucked up, Violet, I admit it,” he said, his voice deepening. “I chose me when I should have chosen you.”
He finally closed that last distance, kissing me like he was searching for redemption. My hands fisted in his T-shirt, and I went to shove him back. But instead, I found myself tugging him closer, until I could feel the violence of his heartbeat against mine.
“I hate you,” I breathed against his lips.
“I know.” His hand slid into my hair, tilting my head back as his mouth claimed mine again. Rougher this time, almost desperate. “I hate you, too.”
Chapter 40
Ryder
I fucked up, and I didn’t think a simple ‘sorry’ was going to fix it.
I told her my darkest secret, saying it out loud for the first time in… well, ever. The kind of truth you bury so deep you forget how to breathe. I don’t know what possessed me. Maybe it was this twisted need to make her see me, to make her understand that she was unravelling everything I’d built to survive.
Christ.
She was supposed to be a job. A fuck today, forgotten tomorrow.
But for some reason, I couldn’t fucking forget her. She’d crawled under my skin and had the audacity to keep my attention when no one else ever could.
