Sam jumped out of bed, taking the steps two at a time. “Enough,” he said, his voice like gravel, his body stiff from sleep. “Hey, baby girl.” He tried to smile at Alice, but her glare could cut glass.
“Don’t baby girl me, Samion Murphy!” She poked him gently in the chest, her cheeks flushed. “You were attacked and –”
Sam pulled her into a hug, the rest of her sentence muffled against his chest. He met Axel’s guarded stare, Alice short enough he could rest his chin comfortably on the top of her head. “You have to protect me, because I’m sure Alice’s going kill me,” he joked.
Axel’s face remained blank, schooled into an emotionless mask, and Sam ignored the heavy weight that settled on his chest, not sure how to handle the sudden hot and cold.
“Has she planted any endangered plants recently?” Sam continued with a tight smile. “That’s where you’ll find me buried by tomorrow.”
Alice pulled back with a grumble. “You’re giving me grey hairs.”
“Aw, don’t worry baby girl, I’m sure granny chic will suit you.”
Axel cleared his throat, forcing the attention back to him. “I’m going to go; I just didn’t think you should be alone right now.” His eyes drifted to the wall, concentrating on the paint.
Sam wanted him to stay, the words at the edge of his tongue. But instead panic tightened his vocal cords, his lungs filling with cement. Maybe this was his out, a chance to create the space he usually needed. Axel coming over had changed their dynamic, and Sam wasn’t sure what he wanted.
If he pursued Axel, he was sure it would end up in heartbreak. He had never felt more than a slight warmth for any of his other sexual partners, but with Axel it was different, a scorching hot chemistry that made him want to risk being burned to embers.
A heartbeat passed, and then another, time stretching until the tension overwhelmed the air between them. When Sam remained silent Axel nodded, turning to Alice to give her a gentle bow before passing through the front door.
Releasing Alice, Sam stepped back, fighting the urge to go after him.
“What was that about?” Alice asked, her voice soft.
Sam worried his lip, staring out the window as if Axel would suddenly turn back. “Fuck,” he whispered beneath his breath. “Nothing. It was nothing.”
“That sure as hell wasn’t nothing,” Alice said, brows pulled together.
Sam crossed his arms, compressing them against his chest as if it would keep him together. “I told him I don’t do commitment; I can only give him sex.”
“Don’t do that.” Alice’s frown deepened as she reached over to pull at his arms. “You’re more than just sex.”
“Alice, I’m not good at –”
“You’re more than just sex,” she repeated, but Sam barely heard it.
“I need to pack,” he muttered. “I’m thinking about staying in a hotel for a few days, you know, until I can figure out this thing with da.”
“You’re coming home with me. We’ll figure it out together.”
“Sure.” Defeat edged his tone. “Just give me a second.” He didn’t wait for an answer as he made his way back to his room, stopping for a moment to take in the space he’d made his sanctuary. Independence was important to him, which was why, even as a child sneaking into Alice’s room he’d made sure to leave what little money he stole on her bedside table. It was a roof over his head, and so he felt the need to pay his way.
He couldn’t be a burden.
As an adult, he took it to the extreme. He paid for everything, making sure he was never in debt and always keeping a little nest egg as backup, ensuring he would never be homeless again. His own home had been a lifelong goal, and now everything was being taken away.
Anger burned through his veins, and with a snarl he swung his arms across the dresser, knocking every frame, ornament, and mirror to the floor with a crash. Tears prickled his eyes, but he refused to let them fall. Turning to his bed, the scent of Axel still strong, he shredded the sheets, knocking the headboard so hard the wood cracked down the centre.
He sensed Alice on the stairs, but he was too far gone. He wasn’t sure how much time had passed before he finally felt Alice’s arms around his waist, her cheek pressed against his back. It finally broke him, and as he crashed to his knees she went with him, holding him as he finally allowed himself to break apart.
“I’m going to kill him,” he said, liquid salt on his upper lip. “He’s made me a child again, weak and fucking defenceless.”
“You’re neither weak, nor defenceless,” Alice whispered against him. “You never were. You punish yourself for what happened, but you know deep down you could never blame a child for the actions of an adult.”
Sam closed his eyes, centring himself with touch, concentrating on her weight against his skin. He was exactly like a child, one who sought comfort from someone familiar. Someone safe.
“You care so deeply, Sam, but you disguise your pain, and I don’t know how to help you. You deserve happiness. You deserve love.”
