Because I already know—it won’t be “just until” for me. It’ll be long after.Maybe forever.
But I don’t tell her that. I can’t.
“Say it,” I rasp.
Her hand comes to rest over my heart. I wonder if she can feel how fast it’s racing.
“Just until I leave,” she echoes.
She leans down and kisses me.
And I kiss her back, holding her like I can somehow stop June from coming if I don’t let go of her.
TWENTY-SEVEN
Morning rays filterthrough Miles’s bedroom window.
His hair is more blond than brown with the sun’s highlights. It falls onto his face, sleep lines creasing his cheek. The sheets smell like him, pine mixed with mint and clean laundry.
Last night was… a lot.
The accident. His explanation and apology. The way he looked at me, as if I were halfway out the door and not right in front of him.
The sex. God, the sex.
I’m not sure what truths today will bring with it.
We agreed to something we both know is impossible. He has to know that we can’t stop what’s building between us. It’d be impossible.
Some things can’t be halted once they’re in motion. I think that’s his point—he can’t stop his feelings, so he’s accepting the inevitable goodbye. Bracing for the crash and burn before it happens.
Just until you leave.
I’m not sure I can buy into that yet, but if it helps him feel like he’s got some kind of control, so be it.
I close my eyes.
126 days.
I have four months to memorize him. His arm slung across my waist. His breath warm against my shoulder. The way his body fits against mine.
Four months, and then I leave.
I didn’t promise to stay.Couldn’tpromise that, even if he’d asked.
I want to believe we could make long distance work, but he’s already made up his mind on it. Because of his past. It’s obvious he’s blaming himself, but I don’t fully understand why.
He’s got ghosts haunting him.
Maybe the time I have left here is enough to chase them away.
Maybe this’ll run its course, and by then, neither of us will want to?—
No. I can’t imagine that happening. At least, not from my side.
I should pull away, start protecting myself now, and build walls so June doesn’t destroy me.
Because that’s exactly what it’s going to do.
