The panic set in. Panic of being in a crowd of strangers, but also the panic of being around someone I felt an attraction to. Living at home made avoiding being in a relationship easier. Being back here, that was another temptation I’d be dealing with.
I had to get out of there.
I bit off more than I could chew on my first day. My therapist warned me of this. She told me I’d feel a level of comfort coming back, that I’d believe I could settle right back into my old ways once back at school.
Boy was she was right.
I hustled right out of there, drove back to the house, and requested a video call with her. Thankfully she was available.
Dr. Jean talked me down from it all. She helped me realize that everything I was feeling was normal for the changes I was going through and that I needed to give myself some grace. At least for the first week or so. Her suggestion was to go a bit slower, maybe stick close to home the next day or two. Classes didn’t start for a few days, so I had some time to adjust.
While I was on the call, I heard a lot of commotion downstairs. Becca texted that my other roommates had arrived. Dr. Jean advised me how to handle that as well.
Her suggestion was to approach meeting the girls just as I did when I met others on my floor freshman year. They were my roommates. In her words: “The fact that they’re girls shouldn’t matter much if you all respect one another as housemates.”
My session with Dr. Jean had been over for thirty minutes.
Yet I was still sitting in my room alone.
The knock I was expecting on my door finally came.
“Yeah,” I said as the door slowly opened.
Becca peeked her head inside. “Want to come down?”
Standing from my desk chair, I stretched my already tired body as I let out a sigh. Becca’s eyebrows went up at the sound and she slid through the door and closed it. With tentative steps, she made her way to my bed and took a seat.
“Or we could stay up here for a while, and avoid the drama downstairs,” she said. “You got your room organized pretty quickly. I’m impressed.” She looked around my space, which to her had to feel weird. During the fall semester, this had been Lanie, her best friend’s room, and now I was in it.
“Yeah, well, when all someone wears are sweats, T-shirts, and on occasion a pair of jeans there isn’t too much to unpack. Bit different for us guys.”
We both shared a small, awkward laugh, knowing full well we were avoiding the obvious.
Becca leaned back on her elbows as her eyes finally landed on mine.
“So, is my big, brawny new roommate afraid to meet some petite, meek little girls?” she asked. Her satirical grin put me at ease.
“They don’t sound meek. Christ, they’re loud.”
“Yeah, well.” Becca stood from my bed. “Apparently Macie saw some hot guy on campus and hasn’t shut up about it since getting home. She’s on a mission to piss off the guy she was last with and I guess found a new conquest, although Ava doesn’t seem on board. So there’s been some discussion.”
Sitting back at my desk, I still wanted to prolong going downstairs. “What can you tell me about them?”
She sat up, almost eager to answer my question. “Well, they’re both amazing. Macie is a sweetheart. She’s beautiful and tall, like taller than Lanie. And her skin is amazing, the smoothest, most radiant I’ve ever seen.” She noticed my look. “Ok, you probably don’t care about that, but us girls notice. And then there’s Ava.”
She paused.
“You say that like there’s a problem with her.”
“Not at all,” she continued. “She might be one of my favorite people.” She paused again while looking out the window, gathering her thoughts. “She’s the complete opposite of Macie. Tiny, short dark hair, and these piercing green eyes, even crazier than mine. She’s a special one, but I can’t read her completely yet. She’s definitely a firecracker.”
“Oh christ, ifyou’resaying that, I’m in trouble!”
And I meant that as she laughed along with me.
“Shut up, asshole. Nothing wrong with her being like me.” Then Becca got quiet again. “She’s very insightful, in a good way.” She stood from the bed, and as she came toward me at my desk, my heart rate skyrocketed because I knew we were headingdownstairs. She stood next to me, her hand gripping my arm. “Come on, I won’t let them hurt you, big guy.”
We both got the joke as she chuckled under her breath. My smile was small as I moved toward the door, my steps tentative. Turning toward Becca, I made a last-minute plea. “Is Ty down there?”
