She liked me. She was attracted to me. Inside my own head, I was reminded of the cartoon “Rudolph” when he finds out that the female reindeer Clarice likes him.“I’m cute, I’m cute, she said I’m cuuuuute.”
“So, you’ve been mean to me because you like me?” I asked, a bit of jibe in my voice as a smile took over my face. It might have even been a bit cocky for the moment, but I tried to make it a joke.
It helped to lighten the mood. She smiled back before coming to sit, this time closer.
“Well, when you put it that way, it sounds so fifth grade.”
Her laugh was melodic, deep and from the belly. It made her eyes crinkle at the sides as she smiled hard and I noticed, for the first time, a crease-like dimple in her left cheek.
“But I can’t like you.”
And she was serious.
“Because I’m a recovering alcoholic.” My response made her take pause. Her eyebrows shot high on her forehead, the whites of her eyes glowing in the dim room.
“No!” She yelled her answer at me. “Logan, no. I mean it. I’m really proud of you and how well you’re doing. In the beginning,I was nervous about your drinking, but getting to know you, it doesn’t concern me at all. You’re so dedicated to your sobriety and everything about improving yourself.”
None of this was making much sense. She’d been paying attention to my actions, how I’m taking care of myself. She’s attracted to me, even liked me. Yet says she couldn’t.
“So, it has to be what happened with me and Lanie.”
That scared me, because I was never going to be proud of that night. I’d never forgive myself for it, even though Lanie had. And now to learn of Ava’s past, it all made sense.
“I wanted that to be why I hated you,” she said. She reached out, her fingernail mindlessly running along the seam of my sweatpants on my calf. “I hated that you did that to her. Then I saw how Lanie was with you a couple weeks ago in the Student Center, her and Xander. I mean, they adore you. Who am I to judge you if they no longer do?”
She looked up after saying that. The impact of her words hitting me.
“There are plenty of reasons for me to not be a good choice for you, Ava.”
As I said the words I didn’t want her to listen to, my hand went to hers on my leg, covering it, holding it, squeezing it. Our fingers threaded together, her tiny hand in mine, as my thumb rubbed the tender skin on the back of her hand.
“But there’s still one reason I haven’t told you,” she said. “Macie and I made a pact before you moved in. We promised each other that neither of us would fall for you or hook up with you, that it would be bad for the house.”
So I was deemed off-limits by the two of them. That was interesting indeed.
But being off-limits seemed to be the only thing keeping her from wanting to be with me.
Standing, I pulled her with me. Our hands remained entwined as our gazes lingered, both of us shifting on our feet. Eventually, one hand looped behind her neck, the dark tendrils of her short hair filtering between my fingers. I watched her lips part as a soft sound emanated from her mouth.
Leaning down, my mouth against her ear, I whispered, “So, I’m your forbidden secret, is that what you’re telling me?”
Her cheek rubbed against my mouth in what seemed to be her validation of our current situation. My lips rubbed along her cheek and back to her ear. I found myself nibbling on the many earrings along her lobe, then moving my lips back to whisper to her.
“Ava, is that what you want? Do you want me to be your forbidden secret?”
Pulling back, I held her face in my hands, forcing her to look at me. Her emerald eyes stared back.
“I need you to tell me, I need to hear you say it,” I said.
Her face tilted in my hold, her eyes fluttering closed. But just as quickly, her lids slid open and her cheeks bobbed up and down in my hold.
“Yes, I want that,” she whispered. “So much.”
My forehead pressed against hers to feel the warmth of her skin. The desire to kiss her was strong, but I needed to proceed with caution. My head and heart had to be the ones thinking, not my dick. I couldn’t fuck this up.
Backing away, but keeping my hands on her arms, I held my finger up.
“One sec.”
