He watched me for a long second before answering.
“Hate is a strong word. Maybe I did right at first. When the cut was fresh. But by the time I was sitting in a cell, I knew it wasn’t hate. It was just the sting of betrayal. And maybe a little jealousy. Or inferiority.”
“Inferiority?” I wasn’t sure how someone like him could feel inferior to anyone.
“That whole ‘what does he have that I don’t?’ kind of thing. It took a bit to see that it wasn’t necessarily that he had anything that I didn’t, but that they just… worked where she and I didn’t. So, no. I don’t hate her. I’m not really even angry anymore. Though I still fucking hate cheating because of it.”
“I’ve never been with someone seriously enough to consider them sleeping around on me cheating.”
“The way you worded that makes me think that you maybe still felt dicked over by it.”
“I maybe have some slight issues with the idea of being seen as interchangeable.”
“Like the club girls you grew up around.”
“Yeah, I guess. I think I’m just starting to realize how much growing up there mentally fucked me. Can you believe I’ve never worn a dress? Or nightgown,” I said, waving down at myself.
“I can, actually. Even if you wanted to, I feel like that would have felt really… exposed in the club.”
“Yeah. So what about your upbringing? Aside from your child marriage?”
That got a strangled laugh out of him.
“Child marriage?” he balked.
“You were underage. So… child.”
“Fair enough. It was… average for that generation, I guess. Kind of hands-off parenting. I don’t think my parents knew where I was half the time.”
“And where were you?”
“In cornfields getting trashed, mostly. And almost knocking up my girlfriend.”
“The safe sex talk didn’t stick, huh?”
“Safe sex talk? Babe, I grew up with abstinence-only sex education. I’m somewhat impressed I knew where to stick it the first time, looking back.”
“I, unfortunately, saw a lot I shouldn’t have seen at a young age. I knew all the bits. So… are you close with your parents?”
“I got myself locked up. They practically disowned me.”
“That sucks. Do you have any siblings?”
“An older brother. He’s still in the military. Never married or had kids. Have you ever heard from your mom?”
“No. Honestly, I can barely remember what she looks like anymore. If she showed up at my doorstep, I don’t think I’d recognize her.”
“Do you think she tried or wanted to but got pushed away by your dad?”
“If she did, he took that to his grave,” I said, yawning.
“Alright. I’ll stop pestering you. Get some sleep,” he said, patting my knee as he got to his feet.
“Night,” I called at his retreating form.
“Goodnight, babe,” he said, glancing back.
And, God, it felt so wrong when he turned and walked away again.
