“We agreed to be honest with each other, remember?” I murmur against her mouth.
She looks up at me, her eyes wide and vulnerable. “Will you leave if I admit that’s not why I asked you to come?”
I tuck a strand of hair behind her ear, my fingers grazing her cheek. “No, Birdie, baby. I’m not going anywhere,” I promise, holding her gaze. “Now—why don’t you tell me the real reason you texted me.”
Toys As Teammates
This is the part where I’d like to crawl into a hole and disappear. Somehow, I’ve managed to be both painfully awkward and completely incapable of fabricating a believable lie to get Walker to come to my place. Now I’m standing here while he waits for an explanation, my brain scrambling for any alternative that isn’t the truth: that my libido is defective and I’m doomed to die a virgin.
Am I being dramatic? Without question. Is it warranted, given my impressive history of overthinking that leads to panic? Also yes.
“I got frustrated trying to follow your terrible advice,” I mutter quickly.
Good thinking blaming the man trying to help you. Stellar strategy, Birdie.
Walker arches a brow. “And what advice was that?”
I let out a nervous laugh, rubbing my palms against my shorts. “You told me using a vibrator would help me learn what I like, but it was a total bust…”
This would be a really great time for a fire alarm, an earthquake—honestly, I’d take Mrs. Bixby popping over rather than have this conversation. Especially if she brought a pan of her lasagna, I could drown my mortification in layers of cheese and pasta.
“Wait. You tried that tonight?” Walker’s hands flex against my waist, and his eyes dart to the crate Nugget is sitting on. “Are there actually kittens in there, or…” He trails off, waiting for an explanation.
“I’d never lie about animals in need of rescue… just the part about a broken crate.”
He nods slowly, a soft smile on his handsome face. “I’m curious, what made your little adventure unsuccessful?”
“I couldn’t… come,” I mumble under my breath.
It’s humiliating to admit I can’t get off with a stupid vibrator. I’ve grown more comfortable opening up to Walker over the past few days, but what he thinks matters to me and I’m not sure if I’m ready to lay all my insecurities at his feet just yet.
He tilts his head closer. “Sorry, what was that? You were so quiet I could barely hear you.”
I sigh, dragging a hand down my face. “It doesn’t work, okay? Simple as that.”
Please let that be the end of it. I could’ve saved myself the embarrassment by not inviting him over and just telling him I’d used a vibrator and had a mind-blowing orgasm. Instead, I went and exposed my deep-rooted insecurities to a manwho’s practically a sex god—someone who could never possibly understand my dilemma.
“It probably just needs to be charged,” Walker offers. “Where is it? I’ll take a look.”
I shake my head. “No, that’s all right. It’s late—you should head home, and we can revisit this later.”
Better yet, we could pretend this conversation never happened.
“Or I could stick around and give you a hand,” he says, a lazy smirk playing on his lips. “It’d be a shame to come all this way and not make myself useful.”
Translation: he’s not leaving until I’ve told him the truth.
“The vibrator isn’t broken,” I explain with a defeated sigh. “I just… I can’t get off using one. I’ve tried in the past, but it’s never worked for me.”
Walker’s gaze snaps to mine, his eyes darkening. “Birdie, are you telling me you’ve never had an orgasm before?”
I slowly nod, my voice barely above a whisper. “No, I haven’t.”
I’m half expecting him to laugh at the absurdity of the situation, but he surprises me by taking my hand and brushing his lips against my skin, sending butterflies dancing in my stomach at the tenderness of his touch.
“There’s nothing to be ashamed of. The whole point of our arrangement is to help you explore your sexuality and build confidence, but I can’t do that if you shut me out every time you hit a roadblock.” He traces my palm with his thumb in soothing circles. “The problem is you’re overthinking it. There’s no formula for discovering what you like. It’s all about trial and error, and that’s part of the fun.”
His analysis is spot-on: The second I start to feel any pleasure, whether with a vibrator or my own fingers, I get stuck in my head, and it all falls apart before I can climax.
