Carson rolled his eyes.“My contact isn’t a guy.It’s a woman.Her name is Charlotte.”
“Oh, I heard you on the phone saying ‘Char,’ so I assumed it was short for Charlie.”
“So not only did Allie know you were keeping secrets,she saw you with Charlotte, and I’m guessing she saw this kiss,”Luke about summed it up.
“Yeah.”
“And still you said nothing,” Greg accused then shook his head at him.“No wonder she dumped your ass.If I did that to Zoe, she’d have my balls for a necklace.”
“Shay isn’t violent, but she’d cut mine off too,” Luke concurred.
“I told her that there was nothing between Charlotte and myself, and she had nothing to worry about.Charlotte won’t try something like that again.”
“That’s it?”Luke gave him a droll look.
“What?”Carson asked in confusion.“I assured her, I was always faithful to her.What more could she want?”Allie had hang-ups about faithfulness, and he’d assured her that she had nothing to worry about; what more could he have done?
“Oh, I don’t know…trust, respect,” Jack said casually.
Carson turned and glared at him, not appreciating his sarcasm.“What do you know about those things when you fuck ‘em and leave ‘em within hours of knowing them?”
“Hey, at least I’m honest about it.They don’t mind it’s only fleeting.”
“I didn’t want fleeting with Allie,” Carson admitted.“I wanted forever.I wanted what Luke and Greg have.”He hadn’t thought much about it before, but after having Allie in his life and her being snatched away, it made him realize that he wanted a future with her.He just didn’t know what to do for them to get back to where they’d been before.
She didn’t trust him, and he couldn’t tell her the truth.They were on a vicious cycle with no end in sight, unless one of them compromised, and it was going to have to be him, but he couldn’t.
“Then youhave to tell her the truth.If you really want her to take you back, youhave to be honest with her.”
Carson shook his head.“I won’t risk her knowing about us and what we do.If the wrong people ever learned, they could use her against me.”
“You don’t think Greg and I feel the same?”Luke pointed between the two of them.“But we trust and respect our women.They don’t talk about us outside our circle.You can’t have a relationship without trust and respect, just like Jack said.”
Jack grinned broadly.“See, I can give good relationship advice.”
“Do you trust Allie with our secret?”
“I know she wouldn’t willingly tell anyone about us.Inadvertently?She could tell Sandy, and we all know how Sandy talks.I love her dearly, but still.”
“She’s not stupid,” Jack remarked with a scowl.
“Since when do you come to Sandy’s defense?”
“We rib each other a lot, but she’s not a bad person.”
“It sounds like you’re the one making excuses, Carson.Like you don’t want things to work with you and Allie,” Luke commented, cocking his head to the side as if studying him.“As if you’d prefer to be alone rather than happy.”
“That’s not true.I mean, I was fine with the way my life was before I met Allie.Allie’s the first woman I’ve dated since Jenny.”
“The lady Sandy was talking about?”
“Yeah, we were engaged when I was injured.We used to get into arguments about all the secretswith work, but I didn’t have a choice.That came with the job.I’d told her all that when we first got together.Jenny said she understood.After a time, she thought I was withholding other things from her.Said she couldn’t trust whatever I would and wouldn’t say.Then she came to visit me in the hospital after my injury.Started screaming and calling me a monster.I’ve closed myself from relationships since.”
“Damn, that’s a cold bitch,” Jack muttered, shaking his head.
“We know how hard it is to overcome a bad relationship,” Luke said.“But you can’t let that dictate your life.If you want a life with Allie, you have to be open and honest with her.Obviously, you can’t tell her about our missions, but tell her what we do.”
“Let her see your scars too.”Carson looked at Greg, unsure.“What?You didn’t think we noticed that you go out of your way to hide them?You always wear long sleeves and pants.You hide the right side of your body when you can.Be completely transparent with her.Allie is a lot stronger than you give her credit for.She didn’t flinch at seeing any of our scars at the barbeque.”
