Rhay chuckled. Rio was a good distraction for his painful thoughts about his failed plan to change Karwyn’s mind about his marriage. The trader was removed from all court intrigues, an easily impressed commoner. “You still need that plus one, love? Or are you finally open to adventure?”
Rio took a sip of his caftee, having claimed the shots were getting to his head, and looked around the crowded club. Was he searching for his mysterious lover? It didn’t really matter to Rhay if he was single or not. He could still feel Amira’s rejection, that hurtful look in her eyes plaguing his dreams. He wasn’t deserving of anyone’s love.
“He’s a friend,” Rio replied. “But yes, he would like to come. He has a thing for…someone, it seems.” Two shot glasses appeared in front of them. Rio kept his grip on his caftee. Rhay went for the shot immediately.
Swallowing the clear liquid, Rhay’s lips stretched into a devilish smile. A wave of strong alcohol numbed his tongue. “And what about you? Are you hoping to catch someone’s eye?”
Rio had a faraway look in his emerald eyes. “Love hasn’t worked out for me so well.” He put his drink down and picked up the shot, knocking it back with a grimace. Rhay couldn’t help but laugh.
“Easy there, love,” Rhay said, putting his hand on Rio’s shoulder. As the fae angled his head, Rhay was struck with his emerald gaze. Rhay’s eyes travelled down his face, lingering on his full lips. A distraction, that was all he needed. And wouldn’t Rio be a delicious one?
“Love is…holding onto hope desperately only to be crushed completely,” Rhay said, his eyes not leaving Rio, who seemed curious. He shouldn’t have said that. Clearing his throat, he said, “Looking for love is a waste of time. It’s fleeting and will be ripped away from you. Find someone to enjoy a moment with.”
Rio searched his eyes for too long. Rhay thought he wouldn’t reply at all, but then he quietly said, “I’ve only been in love once, and itdidcrush me, completely. He was ripped away from me, and the pain was intolerable.” A wave of emotions was reflected in his eyes. Rhay didn’t need to read his emotions to see his pain. “Yet, I would do it again in a heartbeat. Some things are worth the pain.Loveis worth the risk. I may have lost him, but I still hold onto the love we shared. It’s precious. It keeps mealive.”
Rio’s words pulled at his heart in a strange way. Rhay looked away. There would never be anything,anyone, worthwhile for him. It wasn’t in his cards, nor did he deserve it. Rhay reached for the empty shot glass, wishing it was still full, his hand unsteady.
“I should put that in my toast at Karwyn’s wedding,” Rhay joked, laughing, but it left a bitter taste in his mouth. “I intend on planning the wildest party you have ever seen. I’m thinking fireworks, iridos fountains, and dancers springing out of the wedding cake.”
Rio chuckled softly, but his gaze was serious. “Sounds like the perfect distraction.”
Rhay’s heart stilled in his chest, a sudden question on his mind. Had Karwyn only asked him to plan this wedding to keep him out of the council? He’d thought Karwyn was doing him a favour, but what if it was only a favour to Karwyn himself?
Knowing the king, Rhay wouldn’t put it past him. And to think he had believed that Karwyn had truly tried to find a way to include him while keeping him out of boring court matters.Boring—was that really the right word? Deep in his mind, he knew that wasn’t it. He’d been drinking away his failure at keeping Amira far from Turosian, but now he questioned whether he had been blind to Karwyn’s actual move.
Rhay felt a twinge in his heart. What would his mother have thought of this? Would she have encouraged Rhay to look away? He couldn’t imagine it, but he had been too young to properly know her. Would Rhay have been as huge a disappointment to her as he was to everyone else in his life? His father. Karwyn.Amira…
Where was the princess now? Was she cooped up in the Carnylen palace every day? Was she high? Had Rhay doomed her even more by sending her away? Rhay was only sure of one thing: If he saw the truth fully, he would never be his charming self again.
“It might not stay a distraction for long,” Rhay whispered, more to himself.
“What do you mean?” Rio asked.
“I…I wouldn’t say Amira and Karwyn are a match made by Falea.” Far from it. Amira couldn’t marry Karwyn; her secret would be discovered by her new husband sooner or later. His heart squeezed painfully, and Rhay signalled for another shot to drown out the feeling.
“Why don’t you want this wedding to happen? Why do you look so afraid?” Rio asked softly, pulling Rhay’s gaze back to him. Curse Rio for reading past his pretence.
Afraid.It hit him then as he stared into Rio’s worried eyes. Rhay wasn’t afraid. He wasterrified.All the time.Everyday. He was every bit a prisoner at the palace as Amira had been,stillwas. His life, Amira’s life, and the lives of everyone around him, had a dark presence looming over them, dooming them all.
“I’m not afraid,” Rhay answered, leaning back in his seat to put more distance between them. Rio’s wide eyes might break him completely. Where was that shot he had asked for? He caught the bartender’s eye, and two more shots appeared in a flash.
“You don’t have to pretend with me,” Rio said. Rhay stared holes into the shot glass in his hand. “Nix…”
Rhay looked up then, compelled by his voice, the warmth behind it. “I like that you still call me Nix. I’ve reused a lot of names, but not the one I gave you. I like that you only know me as Nix.”I like that you don’t know how fucked up I am.
Leaning in, Rio lowered his voice. “Nix isn’t real though, is he? I want to knowtherealyou.”
Rhay flinched, pulling back. “No, you don’t. Believe me, you’d only be disappointed.”Like everyone else.
“Try me.” There was hope in his emerald eyes, a genuine want to get to know him. But Rhay was a shell. Half the time, he wasn’t even sure who he was himself.
Shaking his head, Rhay turned to swallow his other shot, embracing the burn in his throat.
“Do you ever get tired of your life in the palace?” Rio asked, not giving up.
This conversation was getting too personal. Rhay had to shut it down. Had to shut everything,everyone,out. “Never. Where else could I live out my lavish life?” he joked half-heartedly, his heart feeling hollowed out.
“I’ve heard rumours,” Rio said carefully, “about the king. I don’t think your life is as perfect as you like to pretend.”
