A devastating fire burned in Karwyn’s eyes as he inched closer, his warm breath caressing Rhay’s lips. “What would you have me do? Ruin our friendship completely? Do you really want me to take a risk that we both know will only hurt us? You told me you do not wish for me to get married, toanyone,but we both know that is half true at best. Is it not?”
Rhay swallowed hard, attacked by questions he had brought upon himself. Was there a tiny part of him thatdidhate the idea of Karwyn being out of reach?
“It’s not a complete lie,” Rhay whispered, though he was unsure what he truly felt. Guilt twisted his stomach. He shouldn’t feel anything.
Karwyn’s eyes widened as he tilted his head up, getting even closer. The space between them sparked with tension. Not long ago, they’d been in this exact place. In the darkness of their little spot under the stairs, Rhay had sensed what Karwyn might do. If he was honest, he had been relieved when Karwyn had pulled back. Who really was the coward here?
But this time, Karwyn didn’t back down. Grabbing Rhay’s shoulder, Karwyn pulled him closer, startling Rhay. Their lips met, sending a shockwave through Rhay’s system. Karwyn had kept his feelings secret for so long, Rhay didn’t think he would ever act on them. Yet here they were, their breaths mingling as their lips melded together.
For a second, Rhay let himself enjoy the feeling, let himself imagine a future where he could freely reciprocate Karwyn’s feeling. A future with no guilt, with no darkness.
But Karwyn was too far gone for them to ever have a happy ending. As long as Karwyn was by his side, Rhay would be doomed forever, haunted by Karwyn’s deeds. Was there another path for him, away from this cursed palace?
Breaking away, Rhay stepped back and went up to the window. The beautiful city at the foot of the palace seemed to stare at him, yet Rhay couldn’t help but feel sick. Karwyn couldn’t even see how horribly wrong he’d gone. How Rhay had lasted so long next to Karwyn without ever questioning him was unexplainable.
Gripping the window frame, his emotions spiraled all over the place. “I’m done,” Rhay said, his voice coming out quiet but serious. Facing Karwyn, he said, “I won’t be your advisor anymore. I’ll leave the palace.”
Karwyn looked like Rhay had slashed at his heart instead of his arm. Then he laughed nervously. “Stop with the dramatics. We can forgetthisever happened.”
Rhay didn’t move a muscle. “I’m more serious than I’ve ever been.”
“You cannot leave me,” Karwyn replied, his forehead creasing before his features turned softer, sad. “Ineedyou. I need you by my side.”
“You only want the version of me that you can control,” Rhay replied, trying to ignore the guilt in his heart.
Karwyn drew closer, his eyes pleading. “Do not break your promise further.”
“We’ve both changed,” Rhay said, his tone sorrowful. “You’re far from that innocent child you used to be. And I’m far from your perfect advisor. We’re no match. You’ve said it yourself, you can’t keep me at your side if I don’t step up. Well, I’m making it easy for you. I’m stepping down.” He remembered another promise Karwyn hadn’t kept. “You can always have your shadow impersonate me again if you want to control someone.”
Karwyn flinched before taking Rhay’s hand. “There is onlyonepath for you. You said it, we are both damned. What else is there for us besides each other? Where else would you go? To live alone on the streets?”
He was right, wasn’t he? Rhay didn’t have anywhere to go. Maybe this was all he deserved, to be shackled to hisbest friend’stwisted crimes. Would someone else take him as an advisor when his reputation was all parties and booze? Rhay shook his head in defeat.
A knock on Rhay’s mental shield increased his headache. Was Karwyn about to break their other promise? They’d both broken too many already.
Rhay stared at hisbest friendwith a newfound coldness. “Don’t sink even lower.” He removed his hand from Karwyn’s hold and strode to the door. “I need another drink. You finished half my flask.”I need to forget your existence.
Karwyn’s voice followed him. “You will never change, Rhay. The sooner you understand that, the better. If I am a coward, then so are you. You are good at looking away. Go back to what you are best at.”
* * *
The bar lights were low, covering the grubbiness of the place. Most of the fae present were already passed out on the tables or on the bar. Rhay raised his hand, asking the bartender for another round of the strong homemade alcohol. He drank it slowly, letting the feeling of being a complete failure sink in further. He couldn’t go back to normal anymore. But what could he do now? Should he reconsider leaving?
Someone joined him at the bar. Without looking up, Rhay raised his glass to the stranger. “To the sky, my friend.”
“You don’t remember calling me on your runia, I suppose?” Rio said, his voice laced with concern.
Rhay tried to straighten his back, but the numerous drinks he had consumed were affecting his posture. He felt like shit but put on his signature seducer’s smile. “Welcome to the best bar in town, serving only the finest drinks to the finest fae.”
Rio looked around them at the old tables stained by alcohol, blood, and vomit, the drunk fae stumbling on their feet, and the young woman passing around the tables, trying to sell her charms. “Looks like a fun crowd.”
“That will be my regular hang from now on. I think I fit in here better than anywhere else. Stuck in my miseryforever.” He finished his drink and gestured for more.
Rio moved closer to him, his emerald eyes flashing. “No one’s stuck anywhere forever. You don’t have to be the king’s puppet. What do youreallywant to do with your life?”
“No one has ever asked me that. I want…” Rhay stopped himself, knowing hopeless wondering would only hurt him more. “I’m not Karwyn’s puppet. It would be easier if I was.” He had willingly been ignoring Karwyn’s twisted games. Rhay could only blame himself for his actions or non-actions. But there was one thing hediddo recently.
“You helped Lora escape the underground,” Rio said as if it was common knowledge.
