“If you answer it, I’ll answer another one too,” she dared him.
His eyes left hers as he exhaled slowly. “I wasn’t in a good place when I met Ilario. I was…lost. Seeing his pain and his courage, it motivated me to start something. I don’t know where I’d be if I hadn’t met him. But I don’t think it’s enough anymore. I spend all this time being on watch. Waiting for something, anything to fall into place. But nothing happens when all you do is wait.” There was a pause. “I don’t think I was made for this.” His voice sounded small in the tiny room.
“For what?” Eyden gave her a look. She had asked another question. Her curiosity only increased with each answer, it seemed. “Right, go ahead.”
“Would you have crossed if your mother hadn’t gotten sick?”
The question hit her very soul. It filled her veins with ice even though her skin was still warm to the touch. Lora didn’t want to lie, so she considered her words carefully. “If I’m being honest, I don’t think so. I took a risk in coming here. I wasn’t sure it would work, but knowing my mum would die if I did nothing…it was enough to push me to try.”
She wasn’t sure what reaction she expected. Maybe disappointment in her lack of courage? Her lack of selflessness? But all she saw was understanding. Lora found it was the only thing she needed in this moment.
“How long did it take you to make that decision?” Eyden asked.
“I went the day after I found out my mum had the virus. But I decided in a matter of minutes,” she answered before she even realised it was his second question in a row. His knee brushed against hers, probably accidentally, but he didn’t pull back. Lora wasn’t sure if he even noticed, but the light touch melted away the ice in her and started a fire.
Eyden looked unaware of the fire brewing beneath her skin. But his voice sounded raw, more honest than she had dared to hope for. “Sometimes I question what I’m really doing. I’m not taking action as much as I observe. I can tell Ilario wants to do more. To make sure no one else gets taken even if it puts him at risk. I keep holding back, sticking to the shadows. I don’t think I was made for the light.”
Lora thought back to last night. “I saw you trying to get to that young fae at the club.”
“I wouldn’t have, though, even if you didn’t pull me back. I would have realised I can’t get to him and stopped.” There was no shame on his face, just honesty.
A question formed on her tongue. The same one she’d had before. If he felt like he wasn’t made for this cause he’d been investing all this time in, then why did he start it in the first place? She knew Ilario’s reason. But Eyden…had he lost someone too?
“The word you used in the closet,” she said, not wanting to upset him by saying it out loud when she’d promised she wouldn’t, “what does it mean?”
Suddenly, the atmosphere changed. “I think that’s enough questions for today.” Eyden stood up abruptly. The space next to her felt empty, cold.
“I told you two truths. You owe me one more.”
Eyden walked around the bed and touched the lamp on the wardrobe. The only light in the room went out. “I don’t have it in me tonight to answer anything else,” he said as he took a pillow and a blanket and lowered himself to the ground.
Lora laid back on the mattress, looking up at the ceiling in the faint light coming in through the window. She could barely see Eyden, but his presence was as if a spotlight was following him.
Exhaustion was taking over but a few words escaped her anyway. “Just tell me something real then,” she said, echoing the same plea she had brought up yesterday.
Lora forced her eyes closed, knowing she wouldn’t get a response. The image of Eyden looking at her, showing her a sense of understanding she didn’t know she needed, was embedded in her mind. She couldn’t shake their conversation. Her last question was still floating around in the air, waiting to find its answer. It made the room feel heavy, loaded with unspoken words.
When she finally felt sleep take her, a rustling noise brought her back to the edge of consciousness.
“Nahla was my mother’s name.” The words filled the quiet and as soon as they were spoken, the anchor that was holding Lora awake broke and she drifted off.
Chapter22
Amira
The warmth of her caftee lifted the veil over Amira’s eyes. Nalani had woken her up at an absurdly early hour, completely panicked about her being late to the temple.
“The ceremony starts at nine bells. Being late to the ceremony would mean bad luck for all the kingdom,” Nalani said when she opened the curtains. The first rays of sunshine streamed in, bathing the room in a yellow light.
Amira sighed. She wasn’t exactly the religious type and she wasn’t superstitious either, but if she wanted Karwyn to appreciate her, she couldn’t be responsible for the kingdom’s lack of luck. She finished the last drop of her caftee and nodded at Nalani. The maid immediately jumped into action.
Nalani quickly brushed her hair before creating intricate braids that wrapped around her head. In between the strands of hair, she added turquoise silk ribbons that contrasted nicely with her dark brown locks.
While the maid was busy attending to her hair, Amira picked up the now familiar bracelet that was lying forgotten on her vanity table. She hadn’t worn it since her first event at the palace but today seemed like the perfect occasion. For appearance’s sake, she would wear it and be the picture of a faithful believer. Amira wasn’t looking forward to pretending to care about a goddess who clearly didn’t watch over her. Her good luck had run out with the death of her father years ago.
Amira fastened the shiny silver bracelet around her wrist before looking up at the mirror. “Do you believe in Falea, Nalani?” she said, meeting the maid’s eyes in the reflection.
She didn’t hesitate in her answer. “How could I not? Falea has chosen our kingdom and has helped it prosper for centuries. The people in Turosian take great pride in honouring her each year, ensuring good luck and fortune for another year to come. I’ve never been able to go to the ceremony at the royal temple, but I’ve heard it’s quite remarkable. Maybe you’ll see my three sisters in the town square after the ceremony. They usually attend the royal offering.”
