Fitz would never marry her.He’d told her as much from the beginning.His aversion to marriage was the entire reason behind his involvement with her, and Caroline was not so vain as to think she would change his mind.No doubt he’d dallied with many a lady in his bedchamber—what they’d just done would not have altered him as she could already feel it altering the landscape of her own mind and heart.
No, what happened tonight could not be allowed to happen again, she told herself as she stole back to her rooms in the darkness of the sleeping manor.It was far too dangerous; she had no self-control where Fitz was concerned.Every touch, every kiss, every shared secret left her wanting more—wanting all of him—wanting a future that she absolutely could not have.
For she had to admit, alone behind the drawn curtains of her solitary bed and with an ache in her chest, that her own feelings on the subject of matrimony had undergone something of a metamorphosis.
She understood, now, what her mother had tried to tell her back in London.Just as all loves were not the same, neither were all marriages created equal.And though any lifelong commitment was a risk…it might be a risk worth taking, if only one found the right partner.
But since Fitz would never consider it, no matter how many spine-melting kisses they shared, Caroline would need to take steps to protect herself.
If all went to plan, she would be leaving her family behind in London…Caroline could not afford to leave her heart as well.
ChapterSeven
Caroline watched Lord Weatherby insinuate himself between her mother and Lord Alfred, offering Helena his assistance traversing a rocky bit of the path, and clenched her jaw in frustration.
Nothing had gone right that morning.The day had started with Caroline’s attempt to warn her mother off Lord Weatherby at breakfast while Helena loftily ignored Lord Alfred, the only other member of the party who had made it downstairs for the meal.
The act of ignoring her first love appeared to consume most of her mother’s energies, but when Caroline finally came right out and asked her if she’d considered whether Lord Weatherby might be interested in her fortune, Helena had turned on her.In a voice loud enough to be heard by Lord Alfred eating kippers in solitary splendor at the other end of the long table, Helena had trumpeted thatshewas not one to hold a devoted suitor’s station in life against him!
Lord Alfred had winced down at his plate, to Helena’s evident satisfaction, and Caroline had groaned inwardly.She may as well have tripped Helena directly into Lord Weatherby’s money-grubbing grasp.
Of course when everyone began to trickle downstairs and Fitz suggested the picnic excursion through Swinley Forest as their day’s activity, Helena pronounced it a delightful idea and Lord Weatherby immediately expressed his intention of joining the party.In fact, somewhat annoyingly, everyone but their still-sleeping hostess seemed willing to venture out into the woods.
The weather, at least, had cooperated, producing an unseasonably sunny sky swirled with wispy clouds.The strong breeze that rustled through the bare branches brought quite a chill, but the party bundled up warm in their pelisses and greatcoats, tied their bonnets firmly under their chins, and sallied forth with much silliness and gaiety.
The bulk of the party fell behind quickly, unused to any walking more strenuous than a turn about the drawing room to show off their attire, but Caroline’s mother set a brisk pace, evidently invigorated by the exercise.Lord Weatherby squired her, puffing only slightly, while Lord Alfred stalked along beside them, near but apart from their cozy twosome.
Caroline marched grimly behind, keeping a gimlet eye on Lord Weatherby.
“If you stare at him much longer, he’s going to transfer his fortune-hunting efforts from your mother to you,” Fitz murmured into her ear.In Lady Rosalie’s absence, he’d unofficially assumed the role of host, making the rounds of the different guests and checking in with them; he’d been helping the stragglers at the back of the herd for the past fifteen minutes.
After one heated look passed between them when Fitz first wandered downstairs looking unfairly well rested and handsome—a look scorching enough to set Caroline’s cheeks aflame and her heart pounding uncomfortably in her breast—she had attempted to ignore him in favor of concentrating on her mother.Now, hearing his low voice close enough to feel the warmth of his breath against her temple, Caroline had to forcibly suppress a sharp shiver of longing.
“I simply can’t think of a way to separate them,” Caroline fretted.“We don’t need any more obstacles!”
“I don’t know, I’m beginning to think an obstacle or two can have a salutary effect.”Fitz gave a subtle nod in the direction of his father, who was trudging along the trail alone, hands clasped behind his back and shoulders tipped forward as though he carried a heavy burden.“My father has never looked so miserable in his life; I can’t help but think it’s good for him to be told ‘no’ every once in a great while.”
“I’m sure that’s true, but my aim is not the improvement of your father’s character!”
“Ah, but his suffering serves another purpose,” Fitz said softly, drawing her attention to her mother, walking just ahead and clinging to Lord Weatherby’s arm.Mama was laughing at some quip Lord Weatherby had made, giving every appearance of enjoying and returning his attentions—but as Caroline watched, her mother’s gaze darted, in a flash, to Lord Alfred.
Caroline took in a swift breath, astonished she hadn’t seen it before.“She’s making him jealous.On purpose!”
“At last, something that shocks you.”Fitz grinned.
“But it is so unlike her.My parents were always forthright and open with one another, and with me.Perhaps it makes sense; we spent so much time with only one another for company, surrounded by people who spoke other languages and who knew we were only passing through as our explorations took us from one place to the next.”
“Well, your mother is back in the Ton where she grew up, and the old ways of making a gentleman dance to her tune seem to be returning to her.I, for one, applaud her efforts.My father is a great deal too accustomed to having it all his own way.Up until now, I’ve been the only one providing him with regular disappointments; I shall be glad of the help.”
His tone was bright, easy, but there was a hint of that tension about his eyes that Caroline had noticed before when he spoke of the way his father saw him.“You’ve said that you have no choice but to let your father have his own way, as you put it.But why?Surely there are occupations available to younger sons that would grant you some form of independence.”
“The church or the army?”Fitz grimaced.“Not much of a choice, if you ask me.Buy a commission and be sent someplace hot where it would be my job to convince the people already living there that they’d be much happier letting us rule them?And then to be expected to do what, exactly, if they quite understandably reject that premise?No, thank you.As for the church, I can’t quite see myself mouthing platitudes from the pulpit, with my history of carousing and scandal.Surely I would be risking a lightning strike or some other form of smiting.”
When he put it like that, Caroline could see why he found himself unable to slip out from under his father’s thumb.“But are those truly the only two options?”
“The only two options suited to a reprobate like myself.”Fitz tilted his head back, letting the breeze ruffle through the dark, tousled curls under his tall beaver hat.“I’m not like you, sweet.What was it you said my sort lacks?Interest and initiative?I’m afraid that describes me to a tee.”
Caroline shot him a searching look.She didn’t believe that folderol for an instant.“There’s nothing you enjoy in life, that makes you happy?”
