Everything in him roared a denial.
He knew, in that moment, what Bess had been trying to tell him.He did have something to offer.And Gemma didn’t want to marry the earl.
I should have laid myself bare.
Maybe it wasn’t too late.Maybe, if Hal was brave enough, if he worked hard enough, maybe there was a chance.Maybe he could create one.
Hal had never been afraid of hard work.
“May Day is a celebration of new beginnings,” he told her.“A moment to give thanks for the bounty of nature and the joys of our lives.And in my life, there has been no greater joy than knowing you.”
He felt her resistance in the sudden tension of her body.Taking a deep breath that swelled her breasts precariously against the tight bodice of her gown, Gemma took a step back, away from Hal.
It physically hurt to let her go, but he did.
“You don’t get to say that to me.”She crossed her arms over her chest in a gesture that looked as if she were hugging herself for comfort.“You forfeited the right.”
Hal took a deep breath.“I know.I broke faith with you.I called myself an honorable man, but I have behaved with anything but honor.”
“It doesn’t matter anymore.”She looked away, her eyes still red and wet.“When Stonehaven returns, I will accept him.And we will leave this place.”
She was so distant, as though she was already gone, and Hal felt panic rise up in his chest like a storm.“That is undoubtedly your wisest course of action.And it’s your choice to make.But I can’t let you choose without making your options clear.”
“Options.”She snorted, finally returning her scornful gaze to him.“Please.There is no choice to be made.”
Stillness filled Hal, the quiet determination of having found the purpose for which his entire life was intended.
Holding her gaze, he said, “You could marry your earl, be safe and secure and content.Or…you could marry me instead.”
Gemma went rigid, her knuckles whitening where she gripped her own upper arms.“What?—?”
“Marry me,” he repeated, intensity vibrating through his voice.Slowly, deliberately, never taking his eyes off her face, he went down on one knee.“Perhaps I can’t offer you the life you want, the life you deserve.Yet.But I promise I will work without ceasing, I will sacrifice anything, I will do whatever it takes to give you everything you’ve ever wanted.I’ll even?—”
He paused, hesitating only a moment before continuing in a rough voice he hardly recognized, “I’ll leave Little Kissington.We can make a life anywhere you like, London, Paris, the moon.I can live anywhere, so long as I’m with you.”
She stared down at him, her eyes searching his face before they widened in shock.“You mean it.You would leave your estate, your people, to dance attendance on me in London.Surrounded by the very cream of the aristocracy, whom you despise—despite beingone of them.”
He set his jaw.“I would do anything to be with you.I’ll follow you wherever you want to go.Even London.”
She gave a watery gurgle of a laugh, one hand coming up to cover her eyes.“Even London.One of the greatest cities in the world, the exact place I’ve been trying to get back to for months now—and Hal, you don’t know me at all if you think that’s still the life I want.”
Heart kicking in his chest, Hal surged to his feet and caught her by the shoulders.“Tell me what you want.”
A shadow crossed her beautiful face.“I want you never to have lied to me.”
Hal’s heart split down the middle.“I wish that too.It is the most unworthy thing I’ve ever done, and I shall regret it until my dying day.But Gemma, I swear to you, not everything I told you was a lie.The things I told you about myself, the way I grew up, the way my family was, and what I want for the future…that was all true.”
“But why did you lie about your title?Why not be honest with me from the beginning?”she cried, her voice tearing into Hal like the claws of a wild animal, desperate and in pain.Now was his chance, to bare his heart the way he wished he’d had the courage to before.He owed her that much, at least.
“My family—everything I saw as a child, everything I ran from as a young man,” he said slowly, “it all taught me that one of the worst things one human can do to another is trap them into a loveless marriage based on nothing but financial convenience.”
“Which was exactly the plan I blithely set out for myself upon arriving,” Gemma realized.
“I lied about who I was at first because all I wanted was for you to leave and take your schemes with you.But later—I wanted to tell you, but there didn’t seem any point to it.You were steadfast in your determination to make a good match, and I could hardly offer you that myself.You, of all people, understand what a title without money or social standing behind it is worth.I never expected to keep you, Gemma.But if there is even the smallest chance…”
He broke away, restless and needing to move.Running a hand through his hair, he gripped the strands and pulled, letting the pain ground him in the moment.Letting it push him to say what had to be said.
“I hate that I’m coming to you with nothing to offer except myself,” he said hoarsely, staring at the scuffed wooden planks of the floor.“I know, very well, that you could do a lot better.I’ve spent the past year working from sun up to sun down to undo the damage my family did to this county, and to pay back the debts I inherited so some other titled arsehole doesn’t swoop in and take the estate, starting the cycle all over again.It hasn’t left a lot of time for anything else.You deserve more.You deserve better.All I can promise is to try to become the man you deserve.A man who loves every part of you, with every part of himself.A man who will never lie to you again.”
