Gemma lifted her chin and flatly ignored the crushed, crumpled state of her clothing—the same clothing she’d been wearing the last time he saw her, the day before—and the wildly improper tumble of hair about her shoulders.
“How lovely to run into you this morning, Lord Stonehaven.”She didn’t attempt a smile, fearing the effort would only result in a grimace, but she kept her voice light and easy.“I’ve been considering your gracious proposal, and I’ve come to a decision.”
His long, angular face lit up with hope.He really was rather handsome when he smiled, she noted in a detached way, and the thought struck her that if she said ‘yes,’ this was the face she would see across the breakfast table every morning for the rest of her life.
Lord Stonehaven took her hands.His long, bony fingers were very warm; or perhaps Gemma was simply cold.She felt as if she had a ball of ice in her stomach, sending the freeze all through her.Her teeth wanted to chatter.She wondered if her lips were turning blue.
“What have you decided?”he pressed gently.“I think we should rub along quite well together, you know.We could be happy together.”
Marry your earl.Be happy.
Her throat closed, and the frozen ball of ice in her stomach shattered into shards that stabbed at her, nearly doubling her over in pain.
She must have staggered a bit, because when she opened the eyes she hadn’t realized were closed, the earl was standing closer than propriety dictated.He had an arm about her, holding her steady, and before she could stop herself, Gemma had shrugged it off and stepped away.
Her skin felt tight and sensitive, as though unable to bear any touch other than that of the man she wanted.
She was going mad.Hysterical laughter bubbled up.It felt more like choking, but her eyes were still, as ever, dry and burning even as her chest cracked open.
She had to speak.Say something intelligible.Tell him she would gladly marry him!
But the words wouldn’t come.She stood in the hallway of the inn that was all she had of her father, and felt a wave of utter humiliation wash over her.
Not important enough for her father to consider in his will.Not proper enough for her half-brother to recognize.Not good enough for more than a tumble with Hal.Not brave enough to sacrifice herself for her mother and sister.
She’d worked so hard to be someone who didn’t care what others thought of her.She was despised by the upper echelons of the Ton, and that had been fine, because she’d chosen to be notorious over being a laughingstock.
She never thought she’d come to despise herself.
Lord Stonehaven stood by, a silent sentinel watching her with that intent observation that made her feel like a specimen under his magnifying glass.
Raw, exposed, nauseated by the extent of her self-loathing, Gemma could do nothing more than stand there and be studied.
Obviously having noticed that she didn’t want his touch, Stonehaven maintained his distance.He also seemed to become aware of the state of her for the first time, his eyes traveling the length of yesterday’s rumpled gown and back up again.
He’d pulled back emotionally, too, Gemma perceived, finally and perhaps belatedly erecting some barriers to protect himself from whatever was happening here.His gaze was more watchful now, some of the warmth of his concern and care snuffed out.
Gemma told herself she was glad of it.She didn’t deserve for a gentleman this kind to care anything for her.
“You are clearly in some distress, Lady Gemma.I venture to think perhaps you are not ready yet to render a decision about my proposal after all.I wonder if more time to think would help—and I am able to grant you that, happily, as I’ve an urgent need to consult with some colleagues in London at the Royal Geological Society about some of my findings here.Most interesting and unexpected.Sanderson is just packing up my things now, but I intend to return for the village May Day festivities next week.Perhaps you would do me the honor of an answer to my proposal at that time?”
Mutely, she nodded, wishing fervently that she had the inner fortitude to send him on his way for good and tell him he was well rid of her.
But the more sensible, pragmatic part of her brain was attempting to reassert itself, noting that this was an opportunity to delay, and perhaps come to terms with her situation, that she could not afford to pass up.
Right.Because in one week, she would certainly have overcome her feelings for Hal and learned to embrace the notion of a loveless marriage of convenience.
Reminding herself that she would have the comfort of the title of countess along with all the money and power she needed to throw her half-brother’s snobbery back in his face was…surprisingly uncomforting.
Tipping his hat, the earl prepared to take his leave.He hesitated for a moment, turning away and then turning back as though there were something more he wanted to say.But in the end, he merely nodded seriously and took his leave.
Once he was gone, Gemma allowed her shoulders to slump.She felt unbearably weary, stiff and sore in unexpected places.But the greatest ache was in the region of her heart.
Rubbing her chest, she fumbled with the doorknob to her bedchamber, wishing desperately for a long soak in a hot bath and already knowing she was too tired to haul the many buckets of water that would require.She would make do with a quick splash at the wash basin, she decided as she stepped into the room, only to find that it was already occupied by her mother and sister.
So much for a quiet entry into the inn.Now she would have to explain where she’d been last night to not only Lucy, but Henrietta as well.But they didn’t look accusing or disappointed or even curious.
Instead, Gemma paused on the threshold, arrested by the identical expressions of pitying dread on Lucy and Henrietta’s faces.
