“I’m not kind, I assure you,” she told Lord Stonehaven, attempting a lightness she didn’t feel.“I’m terribly spoiled and determined to have my own way in everything.You need only ask my sister for confirmation.”
He didn’t chuckle as she’d meant him to.“One’s sisters are not always the most reliable judge of one’s character, I find.For instance, my sisters believe me to be hopeless when it comes to interacting with other human beings.And I will admit to preferring rocks, much of the time.”
She laughed a little, her mood lightening, and received a swift smile from Lord Stonehaven in response.
“But the truth is,” he continued, “I understand more about people and society than my sisters think.I have the habits of a scientific observer of nature, Lady Gemma.They are long ingrained in me, and I cannot turn them off whether I am in a ballroom or a feldspar cave.”
Oh dear.Gemma did not like the sound of this.Deciding to brazen it out, she laughed and tilted her head coquettishly.“Oh?And what have you observed about me, Lord Stonehaven?”
“Well, for one thing, you don’t like walking in the woods.And you aren’t terribly interested in rock hunting.But you indulge me anyway, because you’re a good person.”
Gemma bit her lip.This was becoming unbearable.“Lord Stonehaven…”
He didn’t let her finish.“I think that you are someone who has been disappointed by life.Perhaps many times.But you have not let those disappointments turn you coarse or mean, or let them drive you into yourself like a tortoise retreating into its shell.You are remarkable.”
This was strong stuff.Gemma’s breath came fast and shallow as Lord Stonehaven took her hand and gazed down into her eyes.Was he about to?—…
“Lady Gemma.”He took a deep breath and let it out with a smile.“Will you do me the very great honor of consenting to become my wife?”
It was happening.Everything she’d worked and hoped and fought for, within her grasp.She only had to reach out and take it.
Panic struck like a bolt of lightning.The first drops of rain began to pitter pat on the leaves overhead.Gemma stared up at the earl, locked in place as if she’d been turned into a pillar of the stone he loved so much.
The moment stretched between them, quiet and heavy with the unfulfilled promise of an oncoming storm, and Gemma knew, with a deep and sudden surety, that she could not do this.
She was a fool.But she could not force herself to say yes.
It felt as though the effort to open her mouth and refuse the earl’s offer would break her jaw, but before she could manage it, his kind face turned solemn.
“I know you do not love me, if that is what troubles you.It needn’t.I have never expected to find love; indeed, I had all but given up hope of finding someone I could like.I am also aware of your reputation.It doesn’t worry me.I also have a reputation, for being a crashing bore.We are the same, don’t you see?You need a husband.I need a wife.We can help one another, and be friends.Nothing more need enter into it.”
He uttered this surprising speech entirely without bitterness.No self-pity dripped from his words; he was entirely matter of fact as he offered her a way to take the help she needed for her family, without the guilt of playing him false.
They could have truth between them and start a life together.Surely there were worse foundations for a marriage.
Stunned, Gemma finally managed to return the pressure of the earl’s hand on hers.Giving his fingers a squeeze, she croaked out, “Lord Stonehaven, I don’t know what to say.You’ve given me so much to think about.May I take a little time?”
Gracious as ever, he nodded at once.“Of course, take all the time you need.Meanwhile, let me escort you home.And promise never to drag you on another rock hunt again.”
They hurried back to Five Mile House under a darkening sky filled with threatening banks of rainclouds that spat at them intermittently the whole way.Lord Stonehaven took charge of the umbrella, holding it solicitously over Gemma’s head and keeping up an easy patter of light small talk about Henrietta’s newest project of painting local landmarks around the village, from the church to the bridge over the Westcote Brook.Gemma responded absently, most of her mind still obsessively turning over and over the earl’s offer.
By the time the earl had deposited her, still mostly dry, at the side door of the inn, Gemma was ready to tear out her own hair if it would cause a respite from the incessant swirl of thoughts careening through her brain.
Lord Stonehaven took his leave and went upstairs to attend to his correspondence.Gemma stood in the doorway, feeling as though she would run mad if she set foot inside.She ought to be tired from the long walk she’d already been on, but her legs felt restless.
Without conscious thought, they carried her out of the inn’s courtyard, past the stables and out to the main road.
They took her through the village, over the bridge, and up the hill.
The skies opened up and released a deluge of rain that ran off the brim of her hat in a stream and turned the shallow chalky dirt of the trail to a slurry of sticky pale mud.
Gemma kept walking.
She walked through the rain, slipping and sliding in the mud, her spencer soaked through in minutes.It was midday but looked like dusk, the rain coming down in sheets that blurred the path ahead and rushed in her ears like a mighty river.Gemma’s mind went mercifully, beautifully blank with it.There was no room for anything but the rain.
Until her traitorous, foolish legs walked her straight up the hill to Kissington Manor and deposited her on the imposing front steps.
What am I doing here?She thought despairingly.
