Because he was coming to care for Gemma.He could admit that to himself, if to no one else.But she would not care for him in return.Not enough to stay.Like Father, like Walter and his wife, entranced by the glittering delights of London.Like Mother…Hal shuddered, shutting that thought away in its box.
Gemma would leave, as they all did.
No one stayed.
And he couldn’t bear to spend whatever time he had left before Gemma returned to London, with her hating him.
She would be gone from his life soon enough.If she found out the truth before she went, everything would be over between them that much sooner.Once she knew, she would never speak to him again.Never give him that sidelong look he loved, the one that twinkled from beneath her lashes, glittering with frank desire.
Better that she leave Little Kissington as she planned to, with Hal no more than a memory of laughter and pleasures shared, to remember fondly on a cold night.He could live with that, he thought.
He would have to.There was nothing more for him.
“I must go and find her,” he said firmly.“Gemma deserves to enjoy the celebration she put together.Let her enjoy her time here in Little Kissington as best she can, Bess.What does it matter if she doesn’t know who I am?It wouldn’t change anything.It would only make her unhappy.And, believe it or not, that is something I’m trying to avoid.”
Bess snorted, clearly displeased with his pronouncement but unwilling to argue further.“I’m not the one you need to convince.Get along with you, I’ve thirsty folk to help.”
Taking his dismissal with some relief, Hal skirted the edge of the taproom to avoid getting drawn into the revelry.
Velvety purple twilight blanketed the courtyard, the squawk and scratch of chickens giving way to the evening noises of crickets and the distant babble of the brook.Glancing around the empty courtyard, Hal wondered where Gemma could have gone.
A soft whinny from the stables had Hal’s boots moving in that direction before he even registered the play of shadows across the lamplight spilling from the open barn door.
He’d found her.Gemma stood in front of Beeswax’s stall, rubbing the massive nose of the brown draft horse and speaking to her in a quiet, musical voice.Hal leaned a shoulder against the doorway and listened for a moment.
“Yes, you’re right.Heisthe worst.I quite agree, Beeswax.What a sweet and perceptive girl you are.You make me miss the mare my father bought me, the prettiest little snow white half-Arabian you ever saw, and such a goer.Much faster than you, Beeswax, and far less interested in grazing!But not nearly as good a listener.”
Despite the cramped sensation of too many feelings crammed into his chest, Hal smiled.He must have also made some slight movement, because Gemma turned that pure, perfect profile to him and said, “Don’t mind me.I’m just out here assessing Beeswax and thinking about how much I can sell her for, to fund yet another lavish, self-indulgent revelry.”
Hal didn’t miss the way she patted Beeswax’s neck as if to make sure the horse knew it wasn’t true.
“Bess explained to me, in the clearest of terms, that I have been a nodcock.”
“Bess is a very wise woman,” Gemma sniffed, turning her back on him once more.
Hal came closer, his eyes devouring the golden glow of the light skimming the lines of her lovely face.“She’s a good friend to you, even when I am not.”
“Is that what we are?”She laughed, a note of bitterness twisting through the husky sound and making Hal’s chest ache.“Friends?”
“I hope so.”He caught her hand and brought it to his lips.“If you will allow me to apologize.I was terribly rude earlier.”
“Not at all,” she replied stiffly, her fingers cold and still in his.“I assure you, your opinion of me does not cause me a single moment’s worry or care.”
“Nor should it,” he agreed instantly.“A lady as fine, stylish, sophisticated, and generous as you should have nothing to do with a cretin like me.”
Her lips twitched halfway to a reluctant smile.“Well, so long as you understand that…”
The coiled knot of tension in Hal’s gut relaxed a bit, and he smiled.She would forgive him, this time.
Not that he deserved it.
Smile fading, he stared down at her for such a long, silent moment that Gemma’s brows furrowed and she began to draw away from him.Holding her fast by the hand, Hal said, “I mean it.You should walk away from me.I am not fit to be near you.”
“But I like you near me,” she said, breathless in the hushed warmth between their bodies.“Even when you make me angry enough to spit.”
Hal clenched his jaw, temptation and desire warring with his better nature.“I’m sorry for what I said before.Truly.You were doing something good, something I can only wish I had thought to do myself.I should have known better than to accuse you of mismanagement.”
“You should have,” Gemma agreed, her eyes clouding.“You should have knownmebetter.If not because you trust me, then at the very least because you should know that running the Five Mile into the ground isn’t remotely part of my plans.”
