“No, darling.I sold my commission.Just as I promised.”
An aching hope began to grow traitorously in Ana’s chest, like an insistent weed in too-wet earth.
“AndSan Sebastián?Did you resolvetodo?”
The light in Peter’s eyes dimmed slightly, and the corners of his mouth pulled downward, his expression sodden with pain and regret.“There is nothing more that can be done, at least not from my former position as a captain.”
Ana placed a hand on his cheek, stroking her thumb over the smoothness of his skin and the roughness of his dark whiskers.“Lo siento mucho, querido.”
Peter leaned into her touch and scrunched his eyes shut, “I wanted so badly to make something right of all the wrongs that occurred there.Of all the pain and injustice that you wrongfully endured.I felt that if I could not protect you, I could not protect anyone, not even Esperanza, not even our future children.”
Ana’s chest thrummed with anxious anticipation as she wrapped her hands around Peter’s
“But I only discovered that in so many matters of war, my hands are tied.Even if I had been Wellington himself, I doubt there would have been approval given for greater disciplinary actions against our own, or greater measures of recompense and mercy to the Spanish and Basque.Too many view that city, and the many others that were placed under siege in Spain, as a mere part of their conquest and victory over Napoleon.They fail to see how they have destroyed communities, ripped apart families, and altered lives permanently.”
Ana remembered seeing joy vanish fromPapáafter having witnessed similar things.He had tried to shield her from such things and ultimately had died in trying to protect her and their countrymen.
Peter took a deep breath, as if to calm himself, and opened his eyes again.“But in focusing for so long on the pain you and so many others endured, I have failed to see that San Sebastián gave me the greatest blessings—blessings I never imagined I would enjoy during this life.It gave me an intelligent, kind, passionate, and beautiful wife, and the most adorable, lovable daughter ever known to man.I regret all that we had to experience there together, my darling.But I will never regret my being there, nor yours.Despite the suffering you endured, San Sebastián brought me you, and you have blessed me with love and healing that I never thought possible.And I will not waste another day sullying our future with the memory of a dark past, preventable as it might have been.”
That aching hope throbbed now, in an impossibly physical way, as it grew to fill the cavity of her chest.“Vas a quedarte conmigo?” she whispered.
“Yes, love, I am staying with you.”Peter’s hands cupped Ana’s cheeks.“Forever.”
Then finally, blessedly, he covered her lips with his.Peter’s kisses were slow and soft, trailing across her lips and covering her cheeks, undoing the last of Ana’s resolve to keep her emotions at bay.Tears of relief trailed down her cheeks, wetting Peter’s face as well.He paused momentarily, concern lining his face as he wiped away her tears.But Ana pulled his hands away and returned his kisses with a new kind of fervor.She moved her lips over his, tangling her hands in his hair.Peter laughed against her lips, clearly pleased with her response, as his hands slid back to that sensitive spot behind her ear and up into her curls.She could spend forever in his embrace, particularly when she was being kissed as intently as she was.This was safety.
This waslove.
Peter broke away, gasping, but did not move his hands from her.“I will not deny that I have run from difficulties in the past.It was, in all honesty, what drove me to enlist in the army at the beginning.But Ana, you are not a difficulty.You are the only part of my life that isnota difficulty.I would never run from you.”
Ana wrapped her arms around his neck, as if she could pull him closer to her.“I no want you to be distant again, not like these past weeks.I cannot bear it.No puedo.”
Peter leaned in, bringing Ana’s forehead to his.“I have been frightened of hurting you, or of pressuring you.You have endured something so immense as bringing a child to this world, and I did not want to further burden you.”
“I missed you—your touch, your wisdom and words.Even your silence.I missedtodo.”Ana brushed a hand down his shoulder and chest, trying to memorize the feeling of his closeness.“But I also missed me,mi vida normal.I lost myself in those days, Peter.Particularmentewhen I think about my parents.”
Peter kissed her forehead, her temple.“It pains me to learn of all the difficulties you saw, and while you were still so young.I only wanted to protect you from further pain.”
“And you do, more than anyone else.You are my protector, my rescuer.But I need this.”She waved a hand between them, indicating the closeness, the openness, the honesty that was difficult to explain.
“As do I.And I promise that we will never lose it again.”
“Te lo prometo también.”Ana nestled back into Peter’s chest and breathed deeply, as if she could absorb the warmth and security that the feeling brought her.He had sacrificed so much for her.He had changed his way of living entirely, particularly now, as he had sold his commission.And while Ana had given him a daughter, a family, she had never truly revealed the most precious gift she could give to him.Not fully, at least.Her pulse thrummed impossibly fast as she whispered into his chest.“Pedro?”
“Sí?”
She grinned, “Cómo te amo!” then threw back her head, laughing and avoiding his gaze.Nervousness was a fire inside her, driving her to make light of the moment in fear of acknowledging the truth of her feelings.
Peter shook his head, tutting.“Is that truly how you are going to confess your feelings to me?When I have waited to hear them for so long?”
Ana protested, hiccupping through her laughter.“Ay,amor, I said to you I love you inSan Sebastián.And I believe you did too.”
“It is true,” Peter said with a chuckle.“But I did not know I meant it then.And I did not have the depth of love for you that I feel now, after all we have endured together, after seeing you become the mother of my child.”His voice turned husky and serious.“You are my home.You are my life.Ana María Ashmore, I love you.I love you more than the army, I love you more than my country, I love you more than life itself.I thank God every day that He brought me you.”
Ana felt impossibly happy, so intoxicating it was to hear the affirming words she had longed for.She tried to kiss Peter again but could hardly close her lips over the wide smile that split her face.Then she pulled away, breathing deeply to capture some sort of calm to stamp out her nervousness.For so many months, she had dreamed of expressing her feelings for her husband without trepidation, and now it proved much more difficult than she thought to find the words sufficient to do so, particularly in English.
“Amor, you have put a siege onmi corazón, and I surrendered it to you long, long ago.
“A siege on your heart?”Peter quirked the corner of his mouth.“How entirely appropriate.”
