“I thought you would be grateful for my honesty.I did not wish to repeat my mistake of keeping these things from you.I only wish to give us more time to prepare for my absence.There are plans to be made to ensure that you and Esperanza will be—”
“I have been preparing already,” Ana interrupted, schooling her features to reflect a calm demeanor instead of the panicked hurt that was tearing apart her heart on the inside.“Simply tell me when you leave.”
And, it seemed, that silenced him.Surprise lifted his brows and clamped his lips shut.“Ah.I see,” he managed before awkward silence enveloped the space between them.“I have not yet received official notice of the recall, but Sir David has led me to believe it will be in about a month’s time.”
“Very well.”Ana rose on trembling legs, no longer able to endure Peter’s presence.One look into his crystal eyes and she would be falling apart, sobbing, begging him to stay.But such things had not worked forPapá.OrMamá, for that matter.
“Ana?”She froze at the door, the raw emotion in Peter’s voice already causing silent tears to wind their way down her cheeks.
“I will miss you terribly.You and Essie.”
Papáhad said as much.But it had not brought him back in time.Ana pushed the door open without giving him a reply and ran to her rooms, where she could cry out the aching in her heart.
Chapter 32
June 20, 1814, Abbeygate, Surrey Hills, England
Ana was running, a small, whimpering bundle in her arms.Shards of glimmering ash dimly lit the sky in front of her.The dark forest seemed too far away.Would she ever reach it?She risked a glance backward, only to see a city collapsing in flames and dark, roaring figures running after her.Her feet pounded the ground even harder, slipping over ash-wet stones as Esperanza slipped from her arms, and she fell down, down, down...
Then she was alone in an achingly cold ocean, quickly losing every bit of her strength as waves crashed down, overwhelming her with exhaustion.Salty water shoved itself down her throat, choking her.Esperanza’s wails carried over the wind toward her from the small lifeboat that drifted ever away from her.Some small portion of her mind knew she was dreaming, but with each memory of her current reality, the waves around her only seemed to grow taller and more ferocious.Esperanza needed her desperately.And Ana was aching and overwhelmed and so, so tired.And the hope of the lifeboat, the hope of Peter rescuing her, was being carried away by the waves that separated them.He was leaving her, and not only in her dream.That reality threatened to drag her so far into the depths below that she would never see daylight again.
Finally, she clawed herself through the dreams that were pulling her deeper downward into the waves.Her chest heaved as she gasped for calming air, and she rubbed at her eyes and the exhaustion that blinded her.
Then ice-cold panic doused her as she found her arms to be much too light and entirely too empty.Esperanza had been feeding only a moment ago.She clutched at the blankets bunched in her arms, tore all the bedclothes off her bed, and tossed the pillows to the floor.Where was she?
“Mija?!”
Her feet hit the floor as a panicked sob ripped through her.
“Ana?”Peter grumbled from the rocking chair in the corner, his voice lowered and rumbling from sleep.
He stood, stepping forward into the moonlight that was printed in the shape of windowpanes upon the floor.In his arms was a small, blanketed bundle with a fuzzy head of black hair peeking out from the top.
Relief rushed through Ana, nearly causing her knees to buckle.Before she could as much as take another breath, she rushed to him, her arms encircling the babe and cradling her close to her body again.
“You were quite asleep, and Essie was beginning to fuss.I only wanted to help rock her before I laid her down.”Peter’s voice blurred with exhaustion and confusion.
The relief that had warmed Ana only a moment before was quickly sapped away by a cold, crashing wave.Jealousy, panic, helplessness, and frustration swirled in her mind so powerfully that it was difficult to put her thoughts in words.She squeezed her eyes shut and shook her head against it all.She felt all out of sorts, a stranger in her own mind.
“You should wake me.”
“But you need to rest.”
“Why are you soobsesionadowith my sleep?”
“Because your health requires it,” Peter replied, looking a bit taken aback.“Your body still has much recovering to do.Sleep is what you need more than anything else.”
“Ineedmy daughter.My bodyneedsmy daughter.”
His eyes held hers for a long moment as he wiped his forehead with the cravat that lay undone around his neck.He was still dressed in his day clothes, rumpled and disorderly as they were.Had he truly been waiting in here so long?
“Look at you.Vaya a tu cama.Go sleep.It is late.”
“Only if I can rest assured that you’ll be sleeping as well.”
Again his obsession with her sleep!A high wave splashed her, slapping her in the face with a possessive jealousy.He only wanted to see her return to sleep so he could take Esperanza for himself again.How could he not understand that every part of her soul and being required being near her child at this time?
“I can assure you that I will rest.As will Esperanza.And as will you.Now,por favor, I ask you to go to your rooms.”
