“Who told you as much?
“Captain Davies.”
Peter dropped his head into his hands.Once, Captain Davies had been a trusted friend.Their men had worked closely together, and Davies had trained him in his duties as a new captain years ago.But it seemed that his fear of crossing his superiors had drawn a line between them since the sacking.Peter hadn’t heard from him in months.Still, the remnants of friendship had instilled in him enough loyalty to warn Peter that they would be leaving.And the man hadn’t the faintest idea that Peter was a father now.He would be shocked.
“I cannot understand how it must feel to leave your daughter.But I do recall how I mourned leaving my sisters the first time I was recalled.I thought my heart would burst at the sound of their weeping and begging me to stay.It still brings tears to my eyes to think about it now.”David wiped a hand over his face.“Tell me how I can help yourfamily, and I will be at your service in an instant.”
“Thank you for being a loyal friend to me just as much as you have been to Matthew over the years.I hardly find myself deserving of such kindness.”
“I have seen how much your motherandMatthew have missed you.And now I have seen the hope restored to their home upon your return.It has healed a wound Matthew has nursed for too many years.”
Peter wondered at that.Matthew had given no indication that the tension that had existed between them had loosened.True, he had never treated Peter with contempt or bitterness for leaving.But Peter had always imagined he had harbored such feelings.What if he had merely longed to have a brother close again?
“Even more than that, you accomplished what I most desire in this world: to have a family.I envy you, brother.I would be a married man and the father of a fine gaggle of children if I had found the right lady by now.”
Peter chuckled too at that.“I admit I had not imagined such a future for myself.And while it is a complicated one, it is also incredibly fulfilling.I have not felt such peace in...well, in my entire life, as I have these past months being married to Ana.”
“And your mother has noted that change in you and told me as much.Since I do not have my own family to care for, I will care for yours.I will not easily allow such a sweet family to be broken up over a badly timed recall, and I intend to assist your mother and Matthew in any way that I can in supporting your Mrs.Ashmore.”
Peter’s throat tightened with emotion at the thought of leaving his little family, and so soon.But didn’t he know this was inevitable?Could he truly have expected otherwise?He had spent years in the army and had always known he would be recalled at any time.But perhaps that was one reason why he had never gone home for a long period before.Because if he had done so, he might have never returned.
He might not even return now.There was always the option of selling his commission.It was his property, his right to sell, although the practice of gentlemen achieving a certain rank for money or prestige and then selling their commission unexpectedly was one of his great frustrations of the army.It made it difficult to maintain effectiveness and consistency when their leaders were constantly wavering and leaving.He had always looked down his nose at such men.Thought them foolish for betraying their responsibility to God, the Crown, and their men.But he had never stopped to consider that many of those men might be returning to wives and children who needed them desperately.It certainly changed his perspective now.
* * *
Ana ventured downstairs for a rare breath of fresh air on the terrace.Lowering herself into a chair while she clutched Esperanza in the other was no easy feat.Her body was slow to recover.But feeling the warmth of the evening air helped to clear the fog that made it so difficult for her to concentrate as of late.And hearing the song of the nightingale reminded her that there was a calm world outside her tumultuous mind.
She wasn’t certain when the anticipation of Peter’s presence had started to make her so nervous.But whenever he offered to help her with Esperanza, it made her feel as though she was not capable of caring for the babe herself.Perhaps he recognized her faults as a mother and was trying to cover them with his own efforts.
But deep inside her heart, Ana knew that his presence pained her because it reminded her that their arrangement was entirely too temporary.It would not remain like this forever.He would be called back to his responsibilities as a captain in thearmadaand would be leaving her, much asPapáandMamáhad done.And why would she prolong the inevitable pain of his leaving by allowing him a greater place in her heart, in Esperanza’s heart?No, she needed to do it all on her own.His absence would require such independence from her.
Army life did not lend itself to attentive fatherhood, in her experience.Perhaps that was why Peter always mentioned he had never planned to be married or have children.In all likelihood, they were a great inconvenience to him now, and he would be more than glad to return to the army.It had always seemed thatPapáwas at his happiest when he was away.Why would it be any different for Peter?She would not allow herself or Esperanza to be dealt the same heartbreak that she received fromPapá’srecurrent absence.She knew better than anyone how it brokeMamá—broke her so completely that she couldn’t even be bothered to take young Ana with her when she abandonedPapá.
None of it was rational.Ana wanted to believe that Peter was not likePapá.He was not blinded by his responsibilities to his country—not so blinded that his family wouldcrumble and he wouldn’t even notice.He was not leaving her, at least not now.But that rationality couldn’t discount the very real panic that descended upon her when she saw Peter.It made her pulse quicken to a sickening rate, and not in the delightful way it had before when she was anticipating an embrace or a kiss.How had everything gone so terribly wrong in only a matter of weeks?
“Might I join you?”
Peter.Ana’s entire body tensed, her arms tightening instantly around Esperanza.Her moment of solace had been cut short again.
“Por supuesto.”Of course.
“Can I interest you in some horchata?”
Cook had been making the drink after Elena taught her to do so for their vineyard outing.And Ana would utter no complaint about it.She nodded and darted a glance at Peter’s face as he poured her a generous cupful.His normally open expression was clouded with tension.A muscle jumped in his jaw, and he bit on the inside of his cheek, as he often did when he was nervous.The anxiety that Ana harbored began to lessen out of concern for the man that she loved much more than she dared to admit.Horchata forgotten.
For the first time in weeks, she crossed the invisible threshold between them, reached for his hand, and squeezed twice.But instead of squeezing in response, Peter’s jaw only tightened.Ana’s heart pounded dangerously fast.
“What is the matter?”she managed, her voice high with fear.
“I have received quite a bad bit of news.”
Ana’s stomach squeezed with pain.She wrapped one hand around her middle, as if that would keep her from falling apart.“You are leaving.”
“Sir Huntington paid me a visit.It seems that the regiment is going to be called back within a month or so...”The roaring of blood in Ana’s ears quickly drowned out Peter’s explanation as she bounced Esperanza in her arms at an increasing speed.
He was leaving them both.Her daughter would grow up without a father, at least an available one.And she, without a husband.How had she ever allowed herself to enter into such a marriage?To create such a mess for herself?Now the agonies of her own childhood were to repeat themselves, and Ana simply could not bear it.
“You need not share your plans with me,” she burst out, squeezing her eyes shut against his reaction, but shocked silence was heavy in the air.
